“Human Art should start its own matching website!” or, “which design is the best match for me?” Also, “My spouse driving me crazy, I was so attracted to them in the beginning, everything they did back then was amazing and now it irritates me, what is wrong with me?”
These are common statements we hear at Human Art and have heard over and over again through the years. It all ties into one concept that we have all heard many times before: “Opposites attract!” It is usually said casually, when there is no real answer to relationship challenges; it just seems to be the safe thing to say when answering someone’s complaint about relationship woes. But it really is so true, and to me it is an important concept when it comes to relationships.
In my opinion as a personality profiler that has worked with thousands of people, and a lot of them in relationships, the fact that opposites attract is not just a simple and small dynamic that we brush over in conversations every once in a while, but a REQUIRED piece of any good relationship. It is the beautiful tension that keeps us together in relationships, whether the relationship is with a spouse, a partner, or a good friend. It is the fact that we are opposite that holds us together.
Let’s illustrate this with an example that I use a lot to explain this dynamic: the opposite attraction in color. If I were asked to decorate a table with an orange tablecloth, I would most certainly use a blue centerpiece in the middle of the table. The reason is that blue and orange are opposite on the color wheel so they have an attraction to each other. It lies in the fact that they are comparative colors. Blue is blue, but it appears to be even more blue when compared to its opposite: orange. The same with orange. Orange is orange but appears so much more intense when compared to blue. So in relationships, if blue and orange were dating they would be attracted to each other. The blue would love the intensity of the orange and how alive and vibrant it is, and the orange would love the calmness of the blue and its intangible and dreamy nature.
Just like in nature and color, we as humans are attracted to our opposite. We admire those traits that we don’t possess, and we tend to be drawn to them and desire to run after them, to experience them through that person. Then when we are in a committed relationship, in the moment that we deem that person “ours,” we make the mistake of thinking they are a reflection of us. We start the process of trying to change them to be more like us. The challenge with that is that one, if we change them into us, we cease to be attracted to them; and two, it is robbing them of their autonomy and their design, and the appreciation of it. If blue tried to change orange and orange tried to change blue, the result would be the same as when you mix blue and orange paint—it neutralizes any hue and you are left with a dull neutral. The same thing happens in relationships: if we don’t appreciate the traits of the other, if we try to change them, we neutralize the relationship.
As far as what relationship is best for you (this seems to be something that many people are curious about), I answer this the same way every time. It is not so much who is the best match for you, but where the attraction lies when you put your designs side by side. Let me explain it this way: you would not be attracted to someone with your exact design. There would be little variety. It would be like eating peas and peas for dinner. The important thing to focus on is, where does the opposite dynamic lie in each other’s personalities or design? Sometimes it is in your predominant designs, the ones we are strongest in, other times it is in our second or third design. The important thing is to identify it, and them remember to celebrate it in each other.
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Let’s talk this week about the Saturated design, and we’ll cover one design per week in the following weeks. It is authoritative and private in relationships. They like to keep conversations and dynamics between them and their significant other in relationships. You can start to see in what way it is opposite to other designs….
Saturated with Whitened People…
They love the outgoing nature of the Whitened person. They love that they can interact and engage others with ease. They feel loved in an unconditional way that they would never even let them love themselves. The challenge would be in seeing those same traits as a negative so they might, later in the relationship, see the beautiful outgoing nature of the Whitened as too open with others, and could go as far as feeling an invasion of their privacy in a relationship.
Saturated with Grayed People…
They love their meticulous thought process and appreciate their calmness and how much they think about things. They would certainly see that as quality, which is a key trait to the Saturated design. Over time, they could run the risk of seeing that same trait as slow, and taking too long to make up their mind, which means they could potentially resent them, or the Grayed person could lose credibility in their mind.
Saturated with Blackened People…
They would love the warmth and the directness of the Blackened person. They would see their casual nature as charming and would love their freedom to say what they think and let others know where they stand. They would love how they are quick to protect those they love. Over time they run the risk of seeing them as too blunt and inappropriate and would see their resourcefulness as a fault, not a strength. They would pull back and want the Blackened person to pick their battles, but also not pick too many battles.
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As you can see if we don’t remember to celebrate and see the traits that we are drawn to as the beautiful traits that others see in them, we run the dangerous relationship risk of disqualifying them, and credibility is lost, which can lead to depreciation of the relationship.
As you go through your week, think of all the people you love and want to pull closer. Instead of thinking of them with a desire for them to think and be like you, try finding all the ways they are not like you and find those beautiful ways in which they are completely your opposite. When you do, I want you to stop and take in the fact that you have that beautiful relationship tension with them and then draw them even closer by telling them how much you admire those traits. Make sure they understand that you don’t possess that trait or personality and that you are so glad that you have it in your life through them.
If you take the time to do this, I promise that you will not only have more appreciation and love for those that are not exactly like you, but you will find that the appreciation circles around and comes back to you. It works so instantly it is like its own relationship magnetic field. You will love more, you will find more gratitude in life, and those around you.
While you are practicing this week, also remember one more thing…everyone is a masterpiece.
Brook
RELATED POSTS:
When Opposites Attract
Opposites Attract: Celebrating the Differences (the Whitened Design)
Opposites Attract: Celebrating the Differences (The Blackened Design)
Opposites Attract: Celebrating the Differences (the Grayed Design)