“We just don’t see things the same way.”
“I just don’t get why they do things that way, it makes no sense to me.”
“No matter how much I try to talk sense into them they just can’t see it.”
Again, I have heard all of these, which just reaffirms how important the concept of “opposites attract” is to understand.
Whether it is in romantic or committed relationships, work relationships, or just socially interacting, learning to really appreciate that “opposites attract” is crucial to human interaction and to finding happiness in relating with others. Conflict and attraction go hand in hand, and understanding both and, more importantly, learning to accept that they have to exist together, is key. It is a part of that beautiful tension that keeps us connected.
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We have already talked in past weeks about the Saturated and Whitened designs, let’s talk this week about the way opposites attract with the Blackened Design.
The Blackened design is so logical and practical; that is part of the strength of the design. They love the fix and when there is a problem they just move to solutions. They nurture through tasks and that is often how they connect with others.
Blackened with Saturated People
Blackened relates well to the Saturated design. They both relate to logic, and even though it manifests in different ways, they still appreciate it in each other. Where the opposite attraction lies is in the contrast between the Saturated introverted appropriateness and the Blackened extroverted assertiveness. The Saturated way of coping will feel aloof to the Blackened, who will jump into a “fix it” mentality. They might have a logic war, and in conflict Saturated will tend to withhold and Blackened will tend to get forceful.
Blackened with Whitened People
The Whitened design can be attracted to the stability and structure of the Blackened design. They will love the feeling of that in the beginning. As time goes on however, if they are not careful, they will move into a place where they might see that same dynamic as stifling and controlling and feel that their spontaneity is threatened. The Blackened might feel out of control with the Whitened light-hearted approach to everything and feel the need to change them into a more structured person. This is a dangerous game because it moves them out of being someone to interact with and they will find themselves in a parental-type role instead.
Blackened with Grayed People
The Grayed design is very attracted to the strength and abruptness of the Blackened design’s ability to move on things. It is rejuvenating to be around a Blackened person, especially if the Grayed person is feeling overwhelmed or avoidant. This will last as long as the honeymoon phase of the relationship lasts. If we don’t keep the concept of “opposites attract” in its healthy place, the potential for an extreme change to take place is high. When the Grayed person moves into an analytical place and starts to over think the Blackened’s directness, the Grayed person could see that as too direct or even abrupt, and start to be embarrassed by the attention that it might bring to the couple.
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The best approach is to always try to see what we loved when it comes to our opposite. Remember how it felt when we first experienced it. It is also critical to remember that we always have our own autonomy and it is not defined by others. This is important because it frees us up to be independent and allows us, and others, to accept and celebrate the differences, even in a committed relationship. The best part of relationships is that we are all different, and when someone is our opposite we need to accept, and even go as far as to anticipate, the differences.
Just pause every once in a while to see just how beautiful they are and recite to ourselves what it is that we love about the opposite design. It will put us in a place to love deeper, negotiate in a healthier way, get more needs meet, and definitely gain a deeper understanding. We all need that, and we all crave validation for who we are. Loving the other person in our opposite attraction is the first step into letting them influence us for the better. This is important to navigating any relationships.
And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.
Brook
RELATED POSTS:
When Opposites Attract
Opposites Attract: Celebrating the Differences (the Saturated Design)
Opposites Attract: Celebrating the Differences (the Whitened Design)
Opposites Attract: Celebrating the Differences (the Grayed Design)