Perfection as a human being is impossible to obtain but striving for it is a worthy goal. If we are striving for any type of perfection, the process responsibly has to be navigated with an absolute commitment to humility and knowing that it cannot be obtained, but it can be looked at for a direction or a focus.
I propose a superior and more realistic version of this journey. To simply be human. A work in progress as a human, like a piece of art being created—“Human Art.”
There are only two paths in this scenario: one is perfection and one is being human. If we pick the first, then we are picking “performing to belong.” Our focus is on perfection and our worth is determined by how well we perform. We usually pick this one because we feel the need for more control over our lives, especially if a dynamic in our life feels out of control. It’s the way we are made. If something significant feels out of control, then we feel the need to control the little things. We can get preoccupied or even obsess about them. It makes us feel like we have more power or more say in how our life is going. The problem in this choice or this path is that if we make one little mistake, no matter how tiny it is, then all is lost or at least all feels lost. To me, that is just too much pressure and adds unnecessary stress.
On the second path, the one that I recommend, being human, you just wake up each day and try your very best at being human. You can still keep your eye on that unobtainable goal of perfection, but you have that humility and expectation that you will make a few mistakes eventually, and that you can rectify them and keep moving forward. Then you retire for the night and wake up the next day, again trying your very best to be human—the human you were meant to be.
Part of the challenge with performing to belong is that the goal post can be moved based on who is defining success. Depending on your family, friends, or associates, your “script” for success can vary. Sometimes in subtle ways. For example, a Saturated person’s perfection is like a snapshot in their mind or a picture of all the components which correlate with success. This snapshot spurs their misguided motivation and guides them to achieve that image of perfection. One of our Saturated clients had an unhealthy snapshot in his mind about what his version of perfection would look like, and he was determined to achieve it. In the snapshot, he had an advanced degree, he was driving home from work in his top of the line sports car, and he had his friends waiting to adore him at his large estate. This snapshot became a map that he keeps returning to in order to drive his ambitions.
Here is the problem. In order for this person to be successful, each element or condition must be met. So in real life, what would happen if he had an advanced degree, he was driving home, and his friends are waiting with adoration, but he is driving an old broken down truck? According to the snapshot, all is lost and we cannot connect until everything is perfectly positioned. Most likely, the Saturated perfection would not tolerate having the “party” until each element was met, losing opportunities to co-generate with others organically.
On the other hand, when you are being human, you can accept and recognize all the different types of success. The snapshot has a more mindful feel to it. You love your advanced degree and the fact that you own the title to the truck, and you can’t wait to see what is new with your friends, as opposed to impressing them. Being human allows the snapshot to change and evolve as new demands and challenges arise, without feeling less than.
To the degree that you have Saturated in your design or personality is the degree that a snapshot will drive your ambition. Make sure that the quality of the snapshot is set up in your mind with the healthy “being human” path and the expectations that come with it. Quality drives a Saturated person, so in the “being human” path you can still have your snapshot to motivate you, but you will find the quality in each element of that snapshot and you learn to tolerate change and the things that life throws in your snapshot. You are brilliant at finding the quality in even the bleakest of conditions. It is just how that design works. They are the original “diamond in the rough” seekers.
So go and be human—a beautiful human, a quality human—and shine like only you can shine. Encourage others to shine and support their human version of a snapshot. People are good so celebrate them and celebrate yourself. Celebrate your life, and remember, everyone is a masterpiece.
-Brook
