In our last post, we introduced the topic of “self-love” and I shared 3 ways to jump start it. The steps were:
- Whatever you want in your life…you must become
- Find your freedom through your customized value system
- Accountability is all you….. guard your perimeter
Last week we learned about step 1 (Read Part 1) Today let’s move on to the next one.
In the second verse of the song that the kids in my neighborhood would sing, it states,”Big fat juicy ones, little itty bitty ones…” It is as if even the worms had value or strong identities. They described the uniqueness of each worm and yet could not find any value in themselves. It seems like when we are down, it looks like everyone and everything has worth but us. When our sense of self or self-love is low, we get preoccupied in finding value in everything else around us that seems to punctuate our deprivation or lack of worth.
This leads us to step two, “Find Your Freedom Through Your Customized Value System.” If you find yourself suffering from low self-worth or if you are feeling inadequate, we can pinpoint one dynamic: a FALSE NARRATIVE. A false narrative can be, “you’re not good enough,” “Nobody likes you,” or “You are invisible,” or just a feeling of insecurity. The narrative is like a story line which someone projects onto you and then keeps it going by creating a culture around you which supports it.
For example, someone could deem you weak and then bring attention to it whenever they get a chance until you and others around you start to believe it. The narrative isn’t true. The problem is not with the narrative; the problem is that you believe the narrative. The narrative wraps around you or encircles you and you start to organize your life around it. Narratives are like emotional captivity. We can inherit them from authority figures or people who we just met. The narrative can be short or long.
A customized value system is the key to neutralizing any negative narrative which has been superimposed on your life. There are many different types of value systems. There are civic ones, family ones, religious ones, or business ones. What I want to focus on is your personal value system. Let me describe a little bit of what one might look like. I started building mine one value at a time. When I looked for my value, I had to find one which was attractive to me and I had to desire it. The fact that I desired it, made it a value. The first one that I desired was being nice. Nice was my value. I identified with it since I was a small girl. I love being nice and I always have. I love nice people. I like watching people be nice to each other. I am not perfectly nice all the time but it doesn’t change my value for being nice.
Now, here is the most important part. Customizing the value is critical. Being nice looks different for each of the different harmonies. For the Saturated personality, nice is keeping things calm and peaceful. For the Whitened personality, nice is matching your enthusiasm or emotion. To the Grayed personality, nice is listening and connecting and empathizing. To the Blackened personality, nice is fixing whatever hurt you.
Whatever values we choose to focus on, when we customize our values, our uniqueness emerges and shines. Just like the second verse of the worm song, if I was going to be a worm I would like to be the NICE JUICY ONE. What would you like to be?
And remember everyone and everything is a masterpiece.
-Brook