Listen Like You Are Watching a YouTube Video

A small girl and her mom were in the ice cream shop sitting at a small table eating an ice cream. The girl was busily eating the ice cream and the mother was engrossed in her phone, concentrating for what seemed like a long amount of time. The girl ate away. This went on for a while. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the mom looked up at the girl and said, “come over here.” They both posed close to each other with looks of exuberance and excitement. The woman snapped a quick pic and then in a nanosecond it was back to the same stations. The girl returned to her chair and, bored, ate her ice cream. The woman took a few minutes to post the picture on her phone and followed with a very satisfied, “there.” The only thing that was spoken the entire time.

This was an encounter a friend told me about the other day. As I have pondered this interaction, many thoughts flooded my mind. First, is “wow what is going on?” Second, I wondered how many times I have done that myself (I know I have). And third, if that were me what was so important that I would put that as a priority over stealing a moment with someone that I loved? For most of us it would probably be a video.

Don’t get the wrong impression, social medial and the ability to communicate with each other on our phones and electronic devices is, to me, a modern day miracle; I would not be able to navigate my business and go about my domestic responsibilities without it. I just think that sometimes we forget to manage and take advantage of the human miracles that we also have right in front of us in our close relationships. So here is my advice to you to make sure we are taking care of our human relationships.

Listen like you are watching  a YouTube video. Observe and listen. Those are two skills that are required in order to understand something or someone. When we are watching a video that is exactly what we do. We observe what is going on, how it is happening—we are curious. We listen intently and if we think we missed something we back it up and listen to that part again. If we could only do that as we interact in those important relationships that we have. Observe their nonverbal cues and what they are doing and then listen intently, being fully present just like we are watching a YouTube video. If we don’t get a part or miss something, back it up and play it again until we understand it.

Once you’ve done that, respond through the filter of the person’s design.

If your loved one is Saturated, observe and listen for their one most important thing or fact and then respond with clarity.

If your loved one is Whitened, observe and listen for those cues of excitement and spontaneity and match their emotions.

If your loved one is Grayed, observe and listen for the details and stay a little longer in them, there is good information there.

If your loved one is Blackened, observe and listen to the problem and then fix it or respond in with possible solutions.

Try to filter out our own emotions and attitudes while we are listening, save that for our turn to respond. For that moment be completely present to see what that person is experiencing. Like being a detective. Think of that little girl in the ice cream shop and let it inspire us to treat those around us with curiosity for who they are and how they experience things. It will elicit appreciation, and you will find a lot of those close to you will return the interest right back.

Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook