When you are learning to recognize the unhealthy “Once Upon a Time” dynamics in your life or with one or two people around you, I believe we all have the desire to move into a healthier space. Moving out, however, can feel overwhelming, so the tendency is to avoid that action all together. This has potential to lead us to more hopelessness and feeling stuck. Remember that you can move one step at a time. Start to unpack these kinds of relationships, and with each new bit of information just take a little step forward. If you are moving and growing (even if it is slow) you are still on the right track. There is no one behind you with a stopwatch when it comes to discovering new things about yourself and growing (if there is then that could be a problem and is possibly the first place to start unpacking). Each person’s pace and timing on the way to learning how to prosper is as individual as each person is themselves.
What does prosper look like?
GRAYED
For someone who is high in the Grayed design, to prosper is to experience things. It’s all about the journey, and what dictates if the journey is prosperous or successful lies all in the details. Good or bad, they love to dissect and analyze them. It is where the joy and learning lives. The fuel is time. They need time to process the details so they get the most out of every experience that they possibly can. They love to slow down and look ahead to see all the possibilities and contingencies. It is a Grayed person’s playground and it is meticulous and refined.
In the “Once Upon a Time” unhealthy dynamic the main character or Grayed person seems to quickly buy into the projective identity that they are too slow—that is the hook. You would think it would be more complex, but in most cases it isn’t. The controller just has to keep throwing out that storyline and point out all of the times that Grayed person has taken too long. All the controlling person has to do is cast that out there and if the Grayed character bites on it then they themselves will complicate it by adding all of the details and contingencies. The controlling person can now just sit back and watch them swirl. If the Grayed person starts to analyze in a healthy way, the controlling person will quickly recast another line out full of examples of how they are taking too much time. They will sometimes say it is unnatural.
The” can be” of the Grayed design is that they can overthink, get overwhelmed, and then avoid. That is dangerous because they tend to shut down and lose their curiosity; it’s as if they leave their post and the controller is now present to do whatever damage they want with no one there to neutralize those hits.
If a Grayed person is at a point where they want to navigate the “Once Upon a Time” dynamic in a healthy way and turn it into their own “happily ever after,” the best thing is to start with listening in the very meticulous ways that the Grayed design is known for. Use your discovery first and when you hear repeated statements that seem peppered or harsh, like, “you think too much,” “You overthink things,” or something else to that effect, that might be the best place to start. You can analyze those relationships. The next step is to engage in conversations. Start by simply asking questions and then looking for open-ended answers that can lead to a healthy conversation. Then that is when you support yourself in asking for what you need. If you need more time, negotiate for it. If you need more answers, ask for help. When someone tells you that you are slow, tell them you are meticulous and ask if they have a specific time in which they need an answer. All these will get you back into your authenticity. Most importantly, stay engaged in finding that healthy place, and then support yourself by staying there.
The Grayed “can be” to get overwhelmed can be a barrier—don’t let it be. If you feel overwhelmed, break down what is overwhelming you personally first, then make a plan for that. If you try and complicate it with what is overwhelming others when you are trying to get your answers it will get you in a place where you spin out because you can’t connect it all. Just make your connections first, then from that healthy place help solve the others. Just stay engaged at all costs. I mean stay engaged in your process and protect it.
One of the best things that the Grayed design offers is your ability to stay calm. Because you tend to be understated and conservative you don’t make bold moves all the time. Most the time you are constant and methodical and that brings a calmness to a room, a conversation, or task. Stay in that value and don’t let anyone convince you that you are not those things. Think about healthy things because your design tends to process what you are focused on.
You deserve your process. You deserve your authentic route. We all do, because everyone is a masterpiece.
-Brook
RELATED POSTS:
Once Upon a Time: How to Prosper in Your Design
Once Upon a Time: How to Prosper in the Saturated Design
Once Upon a Time: How to Prosper in the Whitened Design
Once Upon a Time: How to Prosper in the Blackened Design