Category: Building Skills

New Year Goals by Design – Part 3 – Grayed

Posted on by Brook Thornley

Just a quick note. Thank you so much for the positive response to this topic. I had messages from some of you saying they can’t wait for the Grayed and Blackened inner landscape tool. I appreciate those of you who expressed they are using the others and that it is helping. (If you haven’t read the first two articles, you can read them here: Part 1 – Saturated, Part 2 – Whitened) So let’s move right into the Grayed, and to all those who are anxious for the Blackened, I promise that is just a week away!

Photo by Tirachard Kumtanom from Pexels

The Grayed design craves connection, so the required inner landscape tool is engagement. The central focus of the Grayed design is navigating life through the details so these people can get caught up in the details and possibly find themselves overthinking their goals. This has the potential to get them in a place where they might over analyze the complexity of the goal and become overwhelmed. It is the overwhelmed feeling that leads to avoidance.

When you meet a Grayed person you can immediately notice and feel how engaged they are in the details of a process or a goal, so you might not think they need to learn how to be engaged. You are correct. They don’t always have a problem engaging, it is staying engaged when a problem arises. It is very tempting for them to avoid or put it off because they cannot line up the details.

When a Grayed person sets a New Year’s goal, they take a lot of time planning it out, writing down lists or plans and all of the components. They are good at seeing the, “what could be?” or “what might be?” (all the contingencies of the goal). That is the very part that can lead them into avoidance. If they perceive a confrontation, or that it might not work, that is what leads them to “put it on hold” or “put it off for another time.” This can lead to self-doubt and discouragement.

When a Grayed person comes into Human Art they often express that they feel stuck in avoidance but others perceive them as being stubborn. When we explain that this is more to do with an inner dialogue and a feeling of second guessing themselves, and immediately add the inner landscape tool of staying engaged in the process or the goal, we start to see them thrive. We teach them that part of engagement is to collaborate more; so more conversations need to happen, more questions asked for curiosity, and more describing what they feel to bring people along—then no confrontation is required. When they do that, we notice they start to engage again.

So the call to action this week is to engage, or stay engaged in bettering yourself. Don’t quit or avoid when it gets hard. Just enter the conversation, say something. Start somewhere and keep a steady rhythm of progress. It can be slow, just keep it steady. Create small steps and keep moving forward to keep you engaged in the process. Make lists, have conversations, stay in the moment, and remember:

Everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

READ OUR OTHER GOALS BY DESIGN POSTS!

Part 1 -Introduction and Saturated
Part 2 – Whitened
Part 4 – Blackened
Part 5 – Landscape Your Goals

New Year Goals by Design – Part 2 – Whitened

Posted on by Brook Thornley

This week we are continuing our series on goal-setting by design and inner landscapes by talking about the Whitened design. If you missed last week’s post explaining this topic and teaching about the Saturated design, click here to read it.

The Whitened design craves healthy social interaction, so the inner landscape tool that is required is the ability to qualify and disqualify in a healthy way. The central focus of the Whitened design is social and change, and they have a great ability to enroll others. Because of this trait they tend to be very trusting and want to enroll everyone. Therefore, the inner landscape tool of being able to qualify what is healthy or who is healthy is an absolute must.

Photo Source: Pexels

The need for this skill can seem confusing to a Whitened person because of the fact that the amount of Whitened they have is the degree of that “no guile or agenda” of their personality that they have. Because of that fact, they might feel like they are being inconsiderate, judgmental, or mean if they have to qualify someone or something. This is the very reason they take a long time to disqualify someone or something—they will hang in there longer than others. The ability to qualify someone or thing is an intermediate judgment and helps us evaluate if someone or something is healthy for us. It is not a final judgment on a person, event, or thing—we usually don’t have enough information for that—but we can quickly assess in an intermediate judgment if something is healthy for us if we use our ability to qualify or disqualify.

If you talk to a Whitened person, you will quickly see that they do have the ability to qualify but it is usually in things to do or places that might be interactive, or even how to make someone happy. The real work is in learning to disqualify unhealthy people or things in their life because they want to give it a chance. But learning to set boundaries for a Whitened person, or protecting their agenda at the same time they are being kind, will always lead them to a strong inner landscape, good relationships and the ability to set goals and stick to them.

We see this all of the time at Human Art. When a Whitened person comes in they are usually kind. When they add the inner landscape tool of qualifying and disqualifying in a healthy way they thrive and quickly become kind but with boundaries to keep themselves safe. They are considerate and accommodating, but quickly it becomes based on correct principles and not strong emotion or over pleasing.

I hope last week’s call to action helped you in your week. The call to action this week is to strengthen the Whitened inner landscape tool in you. To the degree you related to the Whitened design or personality, is the degree you need to improve this skill. Whether it is a little or a lot any improvement will lead to success when setting goals.

Good luck again this week, keep at it, and remember:

Everyone is a masterpiece.

-Brook

READ OUR OTHER GOALS BY DESIGN POSTS!

Part 1 -Introduction and Saturated
Part 3 – Grayed 
Part 4 – Blackened
Part 5 – Landscape Your Goals

New Year Goals by Design – Part 1 – Saturated

Posted on by Brook Thornley
photo source: pexels

Happy New Year! This is the time of year we all make goals and intently try to keep them but, as the story goes, we seem to run out of steam and by about March we are back into our old ways. Not everyone does this but for most of us it is an established pattern. The problem is not in our desire to grow and progress, it is in a step before that and has more to do with needing a few more tools. So this year why don’t we slow things down a bit, take a step back, and focus on those tools that are needed. Once we do that, we are in a good, healthy place to see our goal through. We call this setting goals by design.

There are four main tools or skills that are needed when we are trying to develop oneself. At Human Art, we call this process developing our “inner landscape.” It is an emotional inner landscape and it has four areas. Each design has its corresponding tool in each area, which it requires to function at its full potential. To have a complete and healthy inner landscape as humans, we need all four. To the degree we have each design, is the degree we need to develop the tool or skill.

Identifying Inner Landscape Tools for Each Design

♦ The Saturated design craves order, so the required inner landscape tool is discipline.

♦ The Whitened design craves healthy social interaction, so the required landscape tool is the ability to qualify and disqualify in a healthy way.

♦ The Grayed design craves connection, so the required inner landscape tool is engagement.

♦ And the Blackened design craves tasks, so the required inner landscape tool is effort.

We each have all four designs in our personality. To the degree our personality manifests the design is the degree we need the tool.

We are going to focus on one design and its inner landscape tool each week for the next four weeks. That will give you the time to work on each one and how it applies to your personality. we will start with the Saturated design.

The Saturated design needs order, so the required inner landscape tool is discipline. The central focus of the Saturated design is quality, so these people tend to narrow in on the one area that they deem quality in their life and they put all of their attention towards that area. Yes, that is discipline, but it is only in one area. The required tool is to learn to use that discipline in all areas. It doesn’t need to be as intense in all areas, just a broader focus and spread out throughout their lives.

When a Saturated person sets a New Year’s goal they tend to focus only on that, and they can let other areas go unattended. So they almost always meet their goal but find themselves behind in life and relationships because they neglected everything else to obtain the New Year’s goal. That leads to discouragement and they want to throw it all out. This is when they start to make declarations like “I just can’t do this anymore,” or “I’m just done,” or “I just need a break.” This leaves those around them confused and uncertain of what they might mean when they say this.

We see this all the time as we work with Saturated people. We have a service where we can break down the exact amount of Saturated design you have in all areas of your life (physical, social, emotional, etc.) and we get to work immediately implementing the required inner landscape tools and it is amazing how fast the person can progress in their goals when they learn to use all the tools properly.

The call to action on this first week of January is to determine how much of the Saturated inner landscape tool you need. Try spreading discipline around in your life and see how that makes you feel about yourself. Focus on that this week and then we will add another one in week two. 2019 will be a banner year for all of us if we first develop that inner landscape, which will lead to more fulfilling goal-setting and success down the line.

Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

 

READ OUR OTHER GOALS BY DESIGN POSTS!

Part 2 -Whitened
Part 3 – Grayed
Part 4 – Blackened
Part 5 – Landscape Your Goals

Have Some Compassion, Take a Break, and Step Back from the Can Be’s

Posted on by Brook Thornley

We are all so busy at this time of year. We have events, parties, performances, and even just the weight of getting the right gifts for each other. As fun as the holiday season is, there can be some pressure. This is the time of year at Human Art we notice people getting down on themselves in small ways in which they feel they don’t measure up. As humans, anytime there is pressure and then we add comparison to the mix, that is a recipe for feeling inadequate. When there is pressure to perform in any way it causes us to reflect on where we might need more tools. It literally illuminates our lack of skills in any area. You could look at it with any amount of shame, but we also have the choice to see it as a moment of introspection–our brain doing inventory and helping us to see where we could add a skill or two to make us an even stronger functioning human. That is a gift if we navigate it in a healthy way.

One thing that I know for sure is that people are good.

Working with people on a daily basis and seeing so many different designs and personalities, it is so beautiful to see a common thread in all of us–that is the desire to do better for ourselves and for those around us. We all want to be healthy and we all desire healthy relationships at some level. It is an amazing thing to watch and, if you look closely, that process of fighting for those very things is an attractive desire that we all have in common. 

When we find ourselves feeling shame:

1. It is critical to have some self compassion.
Self compassion is your companion in this emotional journey to running in to any lack of skills, trial, or when trying to strengthen our character. Some people might feel some strong emotion at this point because they mistake step one of giving our self compassion as an easy out or a reason to not grow or develop more skills. That is not what I am referring to. We are not covering up our lack of skills with compassion, we are simply running our assessment of what skills we need to add to the ones we already have and bringing compassion along as a constant companion. It is the only way we can tolerate looking at our deprivation with out falling into the trap of shaming ourselves. When we experience shame, we know the process of healthy learning has considerably slowed down and navigating in a healthy way is constricted.

2. Take a break.
Take a break from the destructive thinking and turn it around to what’s possible. What is my desired skill? Where do I want to end up? What tool do I need? The break in step two is intended to slow things down, so we can think. It is not intended to stop abruptly, that could elicit discouragement. We simply want to slow our thoughts down and start to reason in a tolerant way. We want to focus on the desired skill, think of how we got here, or our story. Process it with compassion. Then focus on what we want. Find joy in the fact that we are growing, we are developing. Find anything we have done a little better and keep doing that. The worst thing we can do is speed up our expectations of results. That could launch us into pressure again and then we are back into the shame loop. Slow it down and keep a constant pace. It is the consistency that will help us obtain healthy skills, the very ones we desire. Most likely we will pick up some added unintended skills along the way as a bonus to our consistency.

3. Step back from the “can be”
Every design has a potential “Can Be.” It is when a positive trait goes out of its bounds and becomes a negative. The good news is that once this happens it is only one step back into turning it back into a positive trait again. All is never lost. The reason we call them “Can Be’s” is that just because you have a particular design or personality, it does not mean you automatically have the correlating “can be”, it just means there is potential to go into the “can be” when we feel inadequate or when we are in the shame cycle. It is important to properly asses traits and use them responsibly in this way of thinking. For example a trait like “discipline” is a positive trait, but if we overuse discipline, it goes out of its bounds and becomes rigid and controlling. If we slow things down and recognize we are out of its bounds, it is one step back to discipline.

Can Be’s and the Designs

Saturated

Trait Can Be
In Control Controlling
Cool Aloof
Clear Thinker Uncompromising

Whitened

Trait Can Be
Enrolling Over Enroll
Spontaneous Random
Child-like Unaccountable

Grayed

Trait Can Be
Meticulous Over-analyze
Detail-Oriented Avoidance
Conservative Disengage

Blackened

Trait Can Be
Fix-it mentality Forceful
Resourceful Resourceful to a fault
Honest Abrupt

The examples of the “can be’s” will be helpful in our focus of obtaining more skills of healthy living and interacting. When we feel our self functioning in a “can be”, pause and step back into its positive and immediately move on. Don’t dwell on the “can be”, just recognize it and step away from it. It will get easier to recognize when you are going into the “can be” over time if you are continuously paying attention to it. Keeping a steady pace in this type of development leaves us with hope.

That leads us back to our focus. Stay focused one this 1,2,3 process and stay out of shame as we are navigating any time of year or season in our journey through this wonderful life. When we find ourselves feeling pressure, any type of pressure to perform, remember you have the basic human right to develop, to become better, to evolve and to your own process and journey. Don’t fall into the shame and comparison trap. I promise it will get you nowhere. Love your personality, celebrate others, and focus on where you want to end up. Have compassion for how you have gotten this far. I personally love the journey and I adore the human race.

And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

The Power of Curiosity

Posted on by Brook Thornley

The answer is curiosity!

The question is, “what is one thing that could significantly strengthen my ability to learn new skills and grow in my authentic self?”

Photo Source: Pexels.com

This is a question that was asked recently at Human Art. When we are teaching new skills to anyone that are designed to help one better themselves in relationships with self, with others around them, and in leadership or team building, one common thing that is required is curiosity.

When we are small and first learning to navigate this big world, curiosity is required. Some children get punished for it and we see the beginnings of a “shut down, stuff it,” type of relating to others. Where it can get really serious is if we are curious in our authenticity or our personality and we get negative feedback of any kind. It leaves us with no discovery and no idea where to go with those confusing emotions.

So I propose we say “YES” to implementing curiosity in our lives! Let me give you an example.

In this line of work I see that, in general, humans have a STRONG desire to learn about their own personality or design. They want to know what their authenticity looks like, how to use it, and how to define it. That’s the kind of curiosity I’m talking about. What I’ve been observing while looking at curiosity is that humans are not always as willing to be as curious about other people’s designs; the people they love, the people they work with, their friends, etc.

Let’s start by looking at the different types of curiosity in the designs:

The Saturated design is curious in the way of collecting the components of any conversation or dynamic. They need all of the pieces before they can draw a conclusion. They need to know what is the best solution or the “one most important fact” to be able to make a declaration and then start sequencing it.

The Whitened person is curious to learn people’s preferences. They are attuned to others’ preferences at a deeper level. They notice likes and dislikes and do it in a non-threatening way. They thrive off of sincerity.

The Grayed person is curious in the connection. The connection with others, the connections of possibilities, the connections that can help, and the connections that might hurt. It is a meticulous openness full of details.

The Blackened person is curious about the what, why and how. It is like the air they breath. It is how they discover new ideas, best way to do a task, and how they get to know together people.

When we expand our curiosity with self and with others, in a way where we are constantly discovering and learning new things about each other, our curiosity transforms into empathy and compassion. Then you are on your way to seeing that everyone is full of worth and value just the way they are, in their authenticity. When we celebrate that fact, we move to learning and growing in our authenticity in a way that did not seem possible.

Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

-Brook