Category: Self Love

Getting Our Authentic Self Back After Trauma – The Grayed and Blackened Designs

Posted on June 18, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

We talked last week about how trauma, big or small, can take away our authenticity. It is in those small traumas that occur over time that we are at risk of forgetting who we are and losing our sense of self and self-love. It leads us to give up a little confidence in our self each time we experience self-doubt because of a trauma. Remember, a trauma is anything life changing or that changes life as it was. Someone treating you harshly or really inflicting pain in any way can be considered traumatic and has potential to hit our authenticity. As a personality profiler, it is important to me that if you have experienced this on any level, run as fast as you can back to you authentic self.

When I am picking colors for any project, I consider which ones I will use based on what communication is needed. Last week I talked about how the Saturated and Whitened colors both need to shine; this week let’s talk about Grayed and Blackened.

If the colors selected are Grayed or Blackened, one component that needs to be present, no matter what color it is, is that both these designs relate better to the communication if they are matte. It is common in both designs that the communication is a little more understated. They like things more organic.

It is the same when these types of people are relating to others. Part of experiencing trauma is so much light and attention is shining on the person in a trauma, and just that fact alone can be even more traumatic. When someone in this design gets criticized for wanting to navigate the consequences of the experience in a more understated way, it can lead to extreme behavior in an attempt to protect themselves and get out of the spotlight. This can become a safety strategy over time.

Getting your authenticity back after a trauma
We had a client that experienced this. This client was desperate to find employment but had been treated harshly in past employment. The effects on this client were pretty damaging and in an attempt to keep it in a quiet place they just quietly and without any disruption left and looked for another job. The problem is that part of the criticism from the former boss led them to not trust anyone. In the interviews for each job, the minute the interviewer would ask questions about how they put themselves out there it created fear in our client. In an attempt to combat that fear, they would shut down and malfunction. Needless to say, the job hunting wasn’t going well for a while.

It is important to remember that the Grayed loves things matte and organic but in a refined way. Things that are understated but have been put through a process to make them even more desirable and legitimate. It is the same with the Grayed person. They love to be conservative but in their authenticity it still should be processed and analyzed in calm ways to make things more desirable. More desirable results equals more desirable conversations. The depth of things is where the Grayed design does its best work. Getting in and looking at all contingencies. That is the way back to authenticity.

It is also important to remember that the Blackened design loves thing matte and organic but in an earthy way. Just the way it is and was created. It is what it is. So the understated nature of the Blackened is the “no fuss” part of being in a conversation, or a dynamic, almost always as part of a task. That is the way back to the Blackened authenticity.

Being understated, conservative, or matte is so beautiful, and is a great way to navigate your way back from trauma. Find those things around you that make you feel safe in this form of authenticity. The road back to that place is filled with a collection of understated quiet conversations, calm interactions, and natural and organic experiences. To get there, find someone or something that will fulfill those needs. If they don’t relate to that design its ok, just find someone who will support it and celebrate it. Engage and put effort into things. It’s okay to pace it. Be matte and go deep into things. It is a beautiful way to find the romance and creation of your life.

And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

Getting Our Sense of Self Back – The Saturated and Whitened Shine

Posted on June 11, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

As we go through our life in the day to day activities and tasks, we can experience trauma at any time. It can be quite dramatic sometimes, but for the most part we all experience trauma on the lighter end of the spectrum in our day to day routine. For this reason, we don’t always recognize it, and we also don’t recognize that that is what leads to a slight drop in sense of self. Little by little these hits can add up and create a crisis in our sense of self, who we really are, and our self-love.

We had a woman at Human Art experience this dynamic. She grew up in a family who loved her and met her physical needs quite well. Emotionally however, there was a family script that went back for generations that was full of rules and led to a great amount of perfection and harshness. It’s just all her family knew, and they were doing the best that they could. They managed to get through her upbringing, but she noticed as an adult she struggled with relationships and bonding. It led her to reach out and ask us for help. She realized that over time she had lost who she was and what her authenticity even looked like. We educated her on the fact that this was an example of one of these “small” traumas that had the potential to take her away from who she really was. Every time someone treated her with any level of perceived harshness it put her in a place of fear and she would flip into survival mode. Not a great place to try and relate or bond with people.

Many of us find ourselves in a similar situation, no matter the underlying reason, where we have lost our authentic self and let fear rule. So let’s talk about how we use our personality or authenticity (however much we have of it at any given time) to get our sense of self back. It is important to use the traits that are in our design to find our way back to who we really are so we can relate to others and bond with them in that authentic way.

The Saturated and Whitened Authenticity

One thing that the Saturated and Whitened designs have in common is, when we look at the colors that they both relate to, no matter what the color is it is always better when it has a shine added to it. Both designs relate to it. When it comes to interacting and relating with others, it is the very same. Both of these designs like to shine.

A Saturated person wants to shine through quality. If they are assigned to any task or project they themselves don’t want to have the attention on themselves, they want the quality of what they are engaged in to shine. It is a communication of sorts, to let people know that it is credible.

The Whitened design likes to shine in the fact that they are enrolling others. They love to draw attention to anything that will show something is enrolling or fun to bring people together.

In either design, they love to shine. When trauma happens, no matter how small, it takes them out of their ability to shine, and just the fact that someone or something is dulling them down can be traumatic for their sense of self and self-love.

The road back for these two designs is to continue, or maybe even try again, to shine. Whether it be in small or big ways, it is important to start. You could shine in a conversation or a small task, you could shine in a talent or a project. Just shine. It will jump start you back to your authenticity and a sense of self in the way that you relate to it.

This week encourage anyone that has Whitened or Saturated designs to shine. Whether it be yourself or someone you know, it is the week of those who love to shine. It will be helpful to all.

And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

Get Your Authentic Self Back – Trauma and Authenticity

Posted on June 4, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

Our authenticity tends to be very important in the art of being human. We seem to be willing to go to great lengths to seek out our authentic self. At Human Art we see dynamics that chip away at one’s authentic self. One of the most common ones we see is trauma.

It is important to note that trauma can be experienced at many levels and degrees. You might think of trauma as anything that changes life as it is. Depending on the degree of change and how it effects us as humans determines how much it has potential to traumatize us. It can be something very big or it can be something seemingly ordinary, but if it changes our life or even just threatens our life as it is, we can experience the effects of trauma.

Learning to build a strong authenticity, or perhaps taking back our authentic self if we’ve lost it along the way, is so vital to being a functioning human. It allows us to navigate life from a healthy place, will bring us more in life, and keeps us in the moment—which allows our self-love to grow. All of these together gives us the benefit of being in a place to support ourselves from a strong position of security when we do face change and trauma. This strength enables us to experience life in a full and happy way.

So how do we start developing or taking back our authenticity? Here are our first steps:

Find your way back through your values
Whatever your design is, the important first step is to figure out what you value in your design or personality. Use that as a value that flows throughout every thought and every conversation in your life. Whether you value order, or possibly light-heartedness, sensitivity, hard work, or any other of the dozens of traits for each design, plug that into everything you say or do. It is like leaving your stamp on everything you touch. It will leave a trace that will at some point lead right back to you. It will become such a strong part of you that it will become a piece of your blueprint.
Guard your perimeter
After you have established your value system (this is a personal one, not an established one) we need to move to “keep the good in and the bad out.” It is literally like a fence around us and our personal space that travels with us no matter where we are or who we interact with. We are the one responsible to guard or stand watch of that fence, or perimeter, and protect it. The minute we want someone else to do that job for , or have expectations of others to not bring the bad in, we are in trouble. It is our job and we owe it to ourselves.
Take back your healthy personal power
We all need our personal power to choose and to dissent or agree. If we don’t feel we have that ability we function as if we are in captivity. Do whatever it takes (in healthy ways) to take our power back. This includes finding safety. Find help in healthy ways. Whether it be through a professional, or self-help tools, just do it. Take that step.
Come home to self
Stop living out the scripts and personas that have been prescribed to you and get any amount of projection out. At Human Art that is our number one goal—”TO ALL MANKIND, ONE PERSON AT A TIME”—to help people find their authenticity and define it and love it. Don’t stop until you are well on your way. It will be worth your time and investment.

Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

Authentic Road or Manufactured Road: The Human Race

Posted on April 2, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

One thing we all have in common as humans is that we are all engaged in the same marathon, the race, the human race. We all want to cross the finish line and we all want to make something of ourselves along the way. I love that about people. It’s just that, no matter how well intended we might be, if we pick the wrong path we end up at the wrong finish line. If we pick the right path we end up at the intended finish line—the one meant for us individually.

But how do we make sure we are in our intended life and on the right road? The answer seems pretty simple to me. It is all in who we identify with. If we chose to identify with our self and our authenticity, we are on our intended authentic path; if we try to identify with everyone else and mirror them, we choose the harder path that might not get us where we want to go. It certainly will create more obstacles along the way.

When we choose the road marked authenticity, we still have trials and struggles, but we finish the race with more traits and a stronger, organized, and healthy self. Using our authenticity to navigate the struggle of the race grows our ability to support our self and most importantly like, and even love, our self for who we are and what we have been able to accomplish. It moves us forward.

If we choose the road that is manufactured it is much harder because we have to create a path or a road before we can even run the race. It is organized through fear and is escalated with the bulldozer of control instead of curiosity; it twists us and turns us and winds us chaotically through the race and leaves us exhausted and confused as to where we really are and what our finish line even looks like. We still put our time in the race, we just wind up in a completely different spot than we wanted and leaves us disappointed and alone.

I remember years ago sitting in a lecture with world renowned Dr. Stanton Samenow who wrote the book, “Inside The Criminal Mind.” He was contrasting people who I understood to be authentic and those who had created such a manufactured and egoic self that they had completely lost any ability to have empathy. He also described some who were so ego driven that they lost any sense of self regulation and observing ego. He said something that has stuck with me for years. This is how I remember it: “Self-esteem is the product of a process.”

He went on to describe that ego driven individuals have little or no ability to stick with a process. They want a quick fix, or instant gratification. I sat and absorbed that for a minute. He went on to describe that it is in the process, and the effort that is required for that process, where we gain or self-esteem. He used the analogy of a race and said if he picked us up at the starting line and drove us to the finish line to ensure that we finished first then the trophy would mean nothing to us. It would be meaningless because we didn’t put our own effort into the process. That made so much sense to me. I had been working at this point for many years as a personality profiler and I had witnessed this dynamic so many times. To me, the people I had profiled that really took the time to understand themselves and use their authenticity to push through the human race one step at a time, patiently learning to love and support themselves, had reasonable amounts of self-love and self-esteem. Those who just wanted to be liked or admired right then and there, doing whatever they had to do to be accepted by others (outsourcing their acceptance) seemed to be plagued with self-doubt and loathing.

That is why at Human Art we have been focusing on authentic self vs manufactured self. We have talked about how each design works in this dynamic. Now I just wanted to punctuate how important it is to stay in your lane of life; run the race through your authentic personality and design, and let others run the race in theirs. Using your authenticity, you will find yourself ahead of others at one point and behind others at another. But you will also see that it doesn’t matter because running at your pace and in your way is the very process that is going to bring you optimal results. It is your time that you run it in, it is your story that makes the finish so wonderful, and it is what you see and discover along the way that will have meaning to you in a way that no one else will understand. It is literally between you and your maker. It is all about what you make of it.

I encourage you to jump in and find the authentic path for you. Some of the adventure in life is walking up to the starting line and pondering what lies ahead on your authentic road and then run! Keep running, sometimes fast sometimes slow, but just keep moving ahead. Take in the process and be curious. Love yourself along the way, and love others as well. Don’t judge your time and don’t judge others’ time. Just accept the journey and the distance of the race–the human race. And while you are running, remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

Manufactured Self vs. Authentic Self: The Blackened Fix

Posted on March 25, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

We finish off this month’s discussion of the authentic vs. manufactured self by talking about how it might like for the Blackened design. If you haven’t read our previous posts, read an introduction and all about the Saturated design here, Whitened here, and Grayed here.

The Blackened authenticity is direct and honest. Someone who is high in the Blackened personality has a need to fix things. They are honest and real. I often describe them as warm, and you feel as if they would give you the shirt off their own back if it would solve a problem for you. They interact with others in a real way and have an honesty that is as warm as a summer morning in the mountains. They love to take action and they do not like drama—just direct communication. They love to protect, and usually engage with others through tasks.

Let’s say that in interacting with others they get criticized for being too blunt. They might reject that wonderful organic honesty and replace it with a manufactured trait of holding everything in and being shy. They then might get more negative feedback for being too task-oriented and never taking a break. They then might throw that trait out and replace it with a projected trait of being overly silly and carefree. It can go on and on. They throw away their resourcefulness and try hard to come across as carefree; and they have also abandoned their beautiful casual nature to try to be more authoritative. They would do this for protection. They would then get the final blow of being criticized for not being real and knowing who they are. Now instead of that natural Blackened authenticity you are left to experience an unconvincingly shy, forcefully silly, unnaturally carefree, and overtly authoritative and stuffy authenticity that is confusing to those they interact with. It does not make sense to others. It does not in any way validate the Blackened individual.

Finding your authenticity, learning your equation, and experiencing life through it is the only way to find true joy and the peace we all seem to desire. We all have different amounts of all four designs in our personality so we all have an amount of Blackened in us. For some it is a lot, for others it might be a little. It might just be enough to be real or to get things done in just certain areas of our life rather than across the board. There is such a beauty to the rich authenticity of a person that is high in the Blackened design: they live life though adventure, they experience rich relationships, and they love by naturally nurturing and protecting others. They will always tell you how they feel.

Find they amount of Blackened you hold in your authenticity and use this week to expand its capabilities. Be honest with yourself and be real with others. Live in the moment and take life in. You deserve it, and those close to you deserve it. And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook