Category: The 4 Designs

Opposites Attract: Celebrating the Differences (The Saturated Design)

Posted on April 9, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

“Human Art should start its own matching website!” or, “which design is the best match for me?” Also, “My spouse driving me crazy, I was so attracted to them in the beginning, everything they did back then was amazing and now it irritates me, what is wrong with me?”

These are common statements we hear at Human Art and have heard over and over again through the years. It all ties into one concept that we have all heard many times before: “Opposites attract!” It is usually said casually, when there is no real answer to relationship challenges; it just seems to be the safe thing to say when answering someone’s complaint about relationship woes. But it really is so true, and to me it is an important concept when it comes to relationships.

In my opinion as a personality profiler that has worked with thousands of people, and a lot of them in relationships, the fact that opposites attract is not just a simple and small dynamic that we brush over in conversations every once in a while, but a REQUIRED piece of any good relationship. It is the beautiful tension that keeps us together in relationships, whether the relationship is with a spouse, a partner, or a good friend. It is the fact that we are opposite that holds us together.

Let’s illustrate this with an example that I use a lot to explain this dynamic: the opposite attraction in color. If I were asked to decorate a table with an orange tablecloth, I would most certainly use a blue centerpiece in the middle of the table. The reason is that blue and orange are opposite on the color wheel so they have an attraction to each other. It lies in the fact that they are comparative colors. Blue is blue, but it appears to be even more blue when compared to its opposite: orange. The same with orange. Orange is orange but appears so much more intense when compared to blue. So in relationships, if blue and orange were dating they would be attracted to each other. The blue would love the intensity of the orange and how alive and vibrant it is, and the orange would love the calmness of the blue and its intangible and dreamy nature.

Just like in nature and color, we as humans are attracted to our opposite. We admire those traits that we don’t possess, and we tend to be drawn to them and desire to run after them, to experience them through that person. Then when we are in a committed relationship, in the moment that we deem that person “ours,” we make the mistake of thinking they are a reflection of us. We start the process of trying to change them to be more like us. The challenge with that is that one, if we change them into us, we cease to be attracted to them; and two, it is robbing them of their autonomy and their design, and the appreciation of it. If blue tried to change orange and orange tried to change blue, the result would be the same as when you mix blue and orange paint—it neutralizes any hue and you are left with a dull neutral. The same thing happens in relationships: if we don’t appreciate the traits of the other, if we try to change them, we neutralize the relationship.

As far as what relationship is best for you (this seems to be something that many people are curious about), I answer this the same way every time. It is not so much who is the best match for you, but where the attraction lies when you put your designs side by side. Let me explain it this way: you would not be attracted to someone with your exact design. There would be little variety. It would be like eating peas and peas for dinner. The important thing to focus on is, where does the opposite dynamic lie in each other’s personalities or design? Sometimes it is in your predominant designs, the ones we are strongest in, other times it is in our second or third design. The important thing is to identify it, and them remember to celebrate it in each other.

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Let’s talk this week about the Saturated design, and we’ll cover one design per week in the following weeks. It is authoritative and private in relationships. They like to keep conversations and dynamics between them and their significant other in relationships. You can start to see in what way it is opposite to other designs….

Saturated with Whitened People…
They love the outgoing nature of the Whitened person. They love that they can interact and engage others with ease. They feel loved in an unconditional way that they would never even let them love themselves. The challenge would be in seeing those same traits as a negative so they might, later in the relationship, see the beautiful outgoing nature of the Whitened as too open with others, and could go as far as feeling an invasion of their privacy in a relationship.

Saturated with Grayed People…
They love their meticulous thought process and appreciate their calmness and how much they think about things. They would certainly see that as quality, which is a key trait to the Saturated design. Over time, they could run the risk of seeing that same trait as slow, and taking too long to make up their mind, which means they could potentially resent them, or the Grayed person could lose credibility in their mind.

Saturated with Blackened People…
They would love the warmth and the directness of the Blackened person. They would see their casual nature as charming and would love their freedom to say what they think and let others know where they stand. They would love how they are quick to protect those they love. Over time they run the risk of seeing them as too blunt and inappropriate and would see their resourcefulness as a fault, not a strength. They would pull back and want the Blackened person to pick their battles, but also not pick too many battles.

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As you can see if we don’t remember to celebrate and see the traits that we are drawn to as the beautiful traits that others see in them, we run the dangerous relationship risk of disqualifying them, and credibility is lost, which can lead to depreciation of the relationship.

As you go through your week, think of all the people you love and want to pull closer. Instead of thinking of them with a desire for them to think and be like you, try finding all the ways they are not like you and find those beautiful ways in which they are completely your opposite. When you do, I want you to stop and take in the fact that you have that beautiful relationship tension with them and then draw them even closer by telling them how much you admire those traits. Make sure they understand that you don’t possess that trait or personality and that you are so glad that you have it in your life through them.

If you take the time to do this, I promise that you will not only have more appreciation and love for those that are not exactly like you, but you will find that the appreciation circles around and comes back to you. It works so instantly it is like its own relationship magnetic field. You will love more, you will find more gratitude in life, and those around you.

While you are practicing this week, also remember one more thing…everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

Manufactured Self vs. Authentic Self: The Blackened Fix

Posted on March 25, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

We finish off this month’s discussion of the authentic vs. manufactured self by talking about how it might like for the Blackened design. If you haven’t read our previous posts, read an introduction and all about the Saturated design here, Whitened here, and Grayed here.

The Blackened authenticity is direct and honest. Someone who is high in the Blackened personality has a need to fix things. They are honest and real. I often describe them as warm, and you feel as if they would give you the shirt off their own back if it would solve a problem for you. They interact with others in a real way and have an honesty that is as warm as a summer morning in the mountains. They love to take action and they do not like drama—just direct communication. They love to protect, and usually engage with others through tasks.

Let’s say that in interacting with others they get criticized for being too blunt. They might reject that wonderful organic honesty and replace it with a manufactured trait of holding everything in and being shy. They then might get more negative feedback for being too task-oriented and never taking a break. They then might throw that trait out and replace it with a projected trait of being overly silly and carefree. It can go on and on. They throw away their resourcefulness and try hard to come across as carefree; and they have also abandoned their beautiful casual nature to try to be more authoritative. They would do this for protection. They would then get the final blow of being criticized for not being real and knowing who they are. Now instead of that natural Blackened authenticity you are left to experience an unconvincingly shy, forcefully silly, unnaturally carefree, and overtly authoritative and stuffy authenticity that is confusing to those they interact with. It does not make sense to others. It does not in any way validate the Blackened individual.

Finding your authenticity, learning your equation, and experiencing life through it is the only way to find true joy and the peace we all seem to desire. We all have different amounts of all four designs in our personality so we all have an amount of Blackened in us. For some it is a lot, for others it might be a little. It might just be enough to be real or to get things done in just certain areas of our life rather than across the board. There is such a beauty to the rich authenticity of a person that is high in the Blackened design: they live life though adventure, they experience rich relationships, and they love by naturally nurturing and protecting others. They will always tell you how they feel.

Find they amount of Blackened you hold in your authenticity and use this week to expand its capabilities. Be honest with yourself and be real with others. Live in the moment and take life in. You deserve it, and those close to you deserve it. And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

Manufactured Self vs. Authentic Self: The Grayed Connection

Posted on March 19, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

Continuing our discussion of the manufactured vs. authentic self, this week we are talking about the Grayed design. If you missed the last two weeks, you can read about Saturated here, and Whitened here.

The Grayed authenticity is refined and meticulous. Someone who is high in the Grayed design or personality has an elaborate need for details. They are sensitive and empathetic. I often describe them as calm, but a calm that is felt and doesn’t need words to feel the effects brush over you. They will interact with others in a conservative manner that has an inquisitive engagement. They are introverted and understated, but the refined way in which they enter any interaction allows them to connect with others with ease and is introspective.

Let’s say that in interacting with others they get criticized for taking too much time to think about something. They get labeled as “too slow.” They then might reject that wonderful trait of being meticulous and replace it with a manufactured trait of responding quickly and compulsively. They then get more negative feedback that they are too sensitive, so they reject that trait and replace it with stern. It can go on and on. Criticized for being to inquisitive, they now replace it with the trait of free and non-structured so they do what they want. And instead of seen for their calmness they are labeled as tuned out and not paying attention, so it is replaced with loud and intrusive. They would do this for protection. They then might get criticized for being a mess. Now, instead of a beautiful Grayed authenticity, you have an egoic self that is a compulsive, stern, non-structured, loud, intrusive mess of an egoic self. It doesn’t make sense to those interacting with the beautiful Grayed person. It does not in any way validate the Grayed individual.

Finding our authenticity and learning our equation and experiencing life through it is the only way to find true joy and the peace we desire. We all have amounts of all four designs in our personality so we all have an amount of Grayed in us. We might have a lot or a little, it might just be enough to process through things. There are hidden strengths and traits when we use our Grayed, we just have to consider that same question we have been asking for weeks: ARE WE FUNCTIONING IN OUR AUTHENTICITY OR IN A PROJECTED, EGOIC, MANUFACTURED SELF OR A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH?

Use this week to notice how much of the Grayed design or authenticity you have in your design. To the degree you have Grayed is the degree that you find the Grayed traits you relate to and use them. Grow from them and see through that lens what character traits you find showing up. Carefully incorporate them into challenges and barriers you face and you will find connections that you never considered before. Then find someone else and connect with them. You will find more empathy and understanding for yourself and also for others. You deserve it, and others around you deserve it, because everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

Manufactured Self vs. Authentic Self: The Whitened Difference

Posted on March 11, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

Last week we introduced the topic of the manufactured self vs. the authentic self, and how that manufactured self might be created. We also talked about what that difference might look like for a Saturated person. This week, we are going to talk about the way a Whitened person might create a manufactured self.

The Whitened authenticity is youthful and spontaneous. Someone who is high in the Whitened design has a high need for social interactions and fun in their life. They are enrolling and I describe them often as someone with no guile. They will interact with others with no agenda. Just a pure innocence that is designed to make others happy and light-hearted. They are extroverted so most of their thought process is done on the outside. They are active but at the same time can absorb information at a high rate; they can also remember it and recall it when needed. Those traits are all authentic and they all make sense when interacting with someone that is high in the Whitened design.

Let’s say that they get criticized for interacting with someone in such a non-structured way. They might get told that they need to take things more seriously. They then might reject that Whitened trait and take on a manufactured trait of disqualifying people and relationships quickly and not interacting with others as much. They would do this for protection. Then another person might come along and give them negative attention for being so active or enrolling. There again they reject that quality and maybe put in a controlling trait as part of their manufactured self to again protect them from getting more negative feedback. It keeps going. They reject their innocence and become overly direct. They trade their light-heartedness for quiet, still and isolated. Now, instead of that beautiful Whitened authenticity, you have an egoic self that is too quickly disqualifying, controlling, overly direct, still too quiet, and isolated. To top it off they then get more criticism that they are not fun anymore. It creates confusion when interacting with the beautiful Whitened person. It does not in any way validate the Whitened person.

Finding our true authentic equation and experiencing life through it is the only way to find true joy. As I have mentioned before, we have all four designs so we all have some Whitened in our authentic equations. As we keep moving through life we need to find how much. It is a great way to put us in a state of play and we all experience optimal learning when we are in a state of play. There is hidden strength and amounts of character that can be developed when we use our authentic lens to start that journey. We just have to ask that same question again: ARE WE FUNCTIONING IN OUR AUTHENTICITY OR IN A PROJECTED, EGOIC, MANUFACTURED SELF? OR A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH?

Use this week to notice how much of the Whitened authenticity you have in your design. Is it a little, medium amount, or a lot? To the degree you have it, find the Whitened traits that you relate to and use them. Use them to play, use them to learn, use them to celebrate and teach others. Jump into it this week, grab someone’s hand and bring them with you. You deserve it, they deserve it. and remember everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

Manufactured Self vs. Authentic Self: What’s the Difference

Posted on March 5, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

Projection, projected self, false self—these are all terms that are thrown around when we refer to someone that is not being their true self.

Authentic, authenticity, real—are terms that we equally hear and is the preferred way for a human to function. Even though it is the preferred way, we are seeing less and less of authenticity; and with social media it is definitely a temptation for people to put their best, not their worst, forward when posting. The question then becomes, why are we all feeling a need to project our self and our lives as a little (or a lot) better than they really are in reality?

Maybe we are putting too much pressure on ourselves to come across a little better than others, or it could be that we don’t believe in our own abilities as much. It could also be that we believe we think we can’t get ahead if we don’t.

Temptation or not, the reason that we need to be authentic instead of projecting a false self is simply because in the end being authentic leaves us in a happier state and with a feeling of peace in our relationship with our self and with others.

As a personality profiler, I see this daily. We all know our authentic traits to some degree. Even if it is just one or two of them. We tend to like our authenticity, it is our preferred way of navigating life. But then we might find ourselves in a moment when someone else (could be an authority figure) disagrees with our way and if it goes as far as getting negative attention for it, perhaps we get criticized for using it, that is the very moment that we have to make a decision about ourselves.

This decision usually is processed and made in our subconscious mind. The inner dialogue sounds something like this: “Using that authentic trait didn’t work out for me very well, all that I got from using it was criticism.” It is in that moment we ask our self, “Do I keep that trait and use it again, or do I reject that trait?”

If I choose to reject it, I am literally throwing that authentic trait out. Disregarding it. I might be able to piddle along through life without it, except for the fact that in human behavior we don’t exactly work like that. We immediately feel the need to pick another trait to replace it. We replace it with a manufactured trait. One that we make up. It is a defense mechanism we all have. We find the one that will give us a false sense of protection and really isn’t us—it is made to project, project and protect. That is the first step in creating an egoic self or a manufactured self.

In extreme cases, one might completely divorce their authentic self and function only in the manufactured or projected self.

That is where the designs of Human Art come in. Knowing who you are and how you are made up is important when one is trying to stay authentic. The authentic traits and tendencies are a reminder of who you are but can also be a constant reminder of how great your design is—keeping you on the authentic side of life.

Let’s talk about the Saturated design this week and then we will showcase the others throughout the weeks of March.

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SATURATED AUTHENTICITY VS. MANUFACTURED SELF
The Saturated authenticity is beautiful and still. Someone that is high in the Saturated design has a high amount of credibility. They are dignified. I describe it as a quiet dignity. They move through life with everything going on on the inside and they are driven by finding the one most important thing. They can make clear and precise decisions. Those traits are all harmonious. They are authentic to a person high in the Saturated design. It makes sense to people interacting with them.

Now let’s say they get criticized for being too serious. They might reject that trait and then take on the manufactured trait of being funny as a protection. Then, another time someone that is really conservative criticizes them for being quality driven. There again they reject the quality trait and then maybe put in an ultra-conservative trait as part of the manufactured to protect them from getting criticized again. Then it keeps going. They reject still and replace it with obnoxious and loud. They reject their peaceful way and replace it with overbearing. Now, instead of a beautiful Saturated authenticity you have an egoic self that is overly funny, painfully conservative, obnoxiously forceful and dominating. It creates confusion when expecting a beautiful Saturated person. It does not in any way validate the Saturated person.

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Finding our authentic equation and experiencing life through it is the only way to be healthy and happy. Building on that authenticity and finding other authentic strengths is the way we are intended to grow. Developing character while still being seen through the lens of our authenticity is the greatest way to navigate life and our personal growth. Ask yourself this question. “AM I FUNCTIONING IN MY AUTHENTIC SELF OR IN A MADE UP VERSION OF A PROJECTED, EGOIC, MANUFACTURED SELF? OR IS IT A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH?”

Use this week to notice how much of the authentic Saturated you have in your design. Is it a little, a medium amount, or a lot? To the degree you have it, Find the Saturated traits you relate to and use them. Stand still and dignified in them. Observe how you feel. Take that step, it is a step towards being more authentic. You deserve it, those you interact with deserve the best you.

And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook