Get Your Authentic Self Back – Trauma and Authenticity

Posted on June 4, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

Our authenticity tends to be very important in the art of being human. We seem to be willing to go to great lengths to seek out our authentic self. At Human Art we see dynamics that chip away at one’s authentic self. One of the most common ones we see is trauma.

It is important to note that trauma can be experienced at many levels and degrees. You might think of trauma as anything that changes life as it is. Depending on the degree of change and how it effects us as humans determines how much it has potential to traumatize us. It can be something very big or it can be something seemingly ordinary, but if it changes our life or even just threatens our life as it is, we can experience the effects of trauma.

Learning to build a strong authenticity, or perhaps taking back our authentic self if we’ve lost it along the way, is so vital to being a functioning human. It allows us to navigate life from a healthy place, will bring us more in life, and keeps us in the moment—which allows our self-love to grow. All of these together gives us the benefit of being in a place to support ourselves from a strong position of security when we do face change and trauma. This strength enables us to experience life in a full and happy way.

So how do we start developing or taking back our authenticity? Here are our first steps:

Find your way back through your values
Whatever your design is, the important first step is to figure out what you value in your design or personality. Use that as a value that flows throughout every thought and every conversation in your life. Whether you value order, or possibly light-heartedness, sensitivity, hard work, or any other of the dozens of traits for each design, plug that into everything you say or do. It is like leaving your stamp on everything you touch. It will leave a trace that will at some point lead right back to you. It will become such a strong part of you that it will become a piece of your blueprint.
Guard your perimeter
After you have established your value system (this is a personal one, not an established one) we need to move to “keep the good in and the bad out.” It is literally like a fence around us and our personal space that travels with us no matter where we are or who we interact with. We are the one responsible to guard or stand watch of that fence, or perimeter, and protect it. The minute we want someone else to do that job for , or have expectations of others to not bring the bad in, we are in trouble. It is our job and we owe it to ourselves.
Take back your healthy personal power
We all need our personal power to choose and to dissent or agree. If we don’t feel we have that ability we function as if we are in captivity. Do whatever it takes (in healthy ways) to take our power back. This includes finding safety. Find help in healthy ways. Whether it be through a professional, or self-help tools, just do it. Take that step.
Come home to self
Stop living out the scripts and personas that have been prescribed to you and get any amount of projection out. At Human Art that is our number one goal—”TO ALL MANKIND, ONE PERSON AT A TIME”—to help people find their authenticity and define it and love it. Don’t stop until you are well on your way. It will be worth your time and investment.

Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

Design Inner Conflict: The Blackened Design

Posted on May 29, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

Navigating and learning to settle our inner conflict is important because it dictates how we solve problems and interact with others. Often, we are not aware of how much our inner conflict gets externalized onto others. Understanding what is going on within ourselves will help us to appropriately navigate those conflicts so we can be successful with ourselves as well as with others.

We’ve already covered what inner conflicts might look like for the Saturated, Whitened, and Grayed designs, so let’s finish off this series by talking about the Blackened.

The Blackened personality likes to line up their boxes each day so they can be efficient with their time. Each box becomes a task and a strong expectation. For example, two boxes may have the same priority at the same time. It is difficult for the Blackened to figure out which one is the most important. Logically, it is hard to bump one of the priorities to second place. This produces a lot of strong emotion. Again, this emotion can get displaced onto others.

Blackened with an Influence of Saturated
If you have a person who is Blackened first with a strong Saturated second, the inner conflict will be over when to move out to do a task. The Blackened is already moving to fix it but the Saturated wants to wait until the task can be done in a quality way. It is not a “start-stop” as much as it looks like a stop. The Saturated stops it but the Blackened is trying to low-key get done what it can while the Saturated is figuring out the quality standard.

Blackened with an Influence of Whitened
If you have a person who is primary Blackened with a strong Whitened second, the inner conflict can be intense. The Blackened’s goal is to get things done. The Whitened is fine with that but it wants to bring people along and socialize it. The Blackened wants people to be working and the Whitened wants to make sure that people are having fun. The inner conflict is, “do I value their work ethic, or do I value how much fun they are having?” It sounds like, “He is a lot of fun but he is not a hard worker,” or “He is a hard worker but he is not fun to be around.”

Blackened with an Influence of Grayed
If you have a Blackened person with a strong Grayed second, the inner conflict is avoidance, because the Grayed part dictates whether the job gets done or not. The Blackened knows immediately what needs to be done. The grayed needs to get the details of the job. If the Grayed cannot get the right details, it goes into avoidance mode. The Blackened criticizes the Grayed for not having the strength to just get it done.

If you have any Blackened in your personality, you will relate to these inner conflicts. A good skill is to put a few “flexibility boxes” into your day and use them to connect with people. The likelihood of all of your boxes happening the way you think they should is a lot lower than you anticipate. So those flexibility boxes create a space for the secondary designs to meet needs.

Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

-Brook

Design Inner Conflict: The Grayed Design

Posted on May 21, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

When we think of our own inner conflicts, it is interesting that often we feel the pull of the inner conflicts of our designs, but were never sure what it was or why. It is usually a relief to put a name or explanation on that dynamic. It really does benefit us to get familiar with our own conflicts. When we take the time to evaluate and understand our inner conflicts and the unique dynamics of how they work, it helps us become healthier. When we are dealing with them they have a way of making us feel crazy—it is literally like we are at war with ourselves—so if we can properly navigate them we can rise to a higher level of relating to others and also find a greater sense of self.

We’ve talked about what those conflicts look like for dominantly Saturated and Whitened people, let’s talk this week about the Grayed design.

The Grayed Inner Conflicts
The Grayed central focus is summed up in one word: meticulous. The details are so important, and they are the groundwork of any conversation, dynamic, task or interaction of any kind. If the Grayed person can’t get the details they need and the time to process or research those details, it has the potential to freeze them. They could then move straight to avoidance. If they do get the details they need, it moves them forward and provides meaning to whatever it is they are navigating.

Grayed with an Influence of Saturated
When a Grayed person has a strong Saturated secondary design, the inner conflict usually shows up in the thought process or the planning stages. Because both designs are introverted, most of the time this war goes on inside but it carries the fight through the entire day. The Grayed part of the thought process wants all the details and can spin round and round basting in the contingencies, where the Saturated part wants a declaration or conclusion right now. The “war” sounds like, “I want to think this through, but I need to make a decision.” As another example, when it comes to money the Grayed loves saving, but the Saturated loves buying a quality piece. Once the purchase is made the Grayed can’t wait to save again.

Grayed with an Influence of Whitened
When you have a person who is high in Grayed with a strong secondary Whitened design, the war is between the conservative nature of the Grayed and the celebrative nature of the Whitened. In any type of interaction, the Grayed wants to keep it understated and within limits, and will err on the cautious side. The Whitened however, wants to emphasize the spontaneity and anticipate the other’s needs so they will err on side of the “wow factor.” As a result, when faced with a big event they may not know where to land.

Grayed with an Influence of Blackened
When you have a person who is predominantly Grayed with a high Blackened secondary, the rub is in the fact that the Grayed wants to think about it and the Blackened just wants to do it. Often times it has a “start and halt, start and halt” pattern. It can look like malfunctioning because of the start-stop sequence. It’s like the Grayed is saying, “Can we talk about this?”

Whatever the conflict is, if you have a predominant Grayed design, my advice is to engage and stay engaged because you can think about it along the way. If you are engaged, you can always take a moment to think or process or ask a question, or even just listen. The worst thing a Grayed person can do is shut down and avoid. If you can stay engaged, your interactions will be more rewarding and your conversations will have more depth.

Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

-Brook

Design Inner Conflict: The Whitened Design

Posted on May 13, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

As I said last week, an “inner conflict” is just like the difficult dynamics that can occur between totally different designs; but instead of a different person, it is a conflict with the differences in your own predominant design and your secondary designs. It is literally a fight with yourself.

We talked about how that inner conflict can look for a person who is dominantly Saturated, let’s talk this week about the Whitened design.

Some of you are high in the Whitened design, others might have a strong influence in it, yet others might just have a little bit. No matter what the case is, let’s talk about how it shows up. It is important to remember the central focus of the Whitened design is social; so enrolling others in their life is important to them. They love to anticipate others’ needs and a big part of that dynamic is that the people they interact with are happy. If the Whitened design can please those around them, they find joy. They still have boundaries and limits if they are healthy, but they are very patient and are often willing to stay in a growing and learning dynamic for a long time. They seem to tolerate it well. They are pleasant and don’t seem to have agendas along the way.

Whitened with an Influence of Saturated
The inner conflict of a design high in Whitened with a Saturated influence is that the Whitened wants to please others and enroll them, but when it gets too complicated the Saturated part of their design sometimes gets overwhelmed and wants to disconnect in an attempt to get some space. The Whitened can morph well to others and what they are doing, but it confuses the Saturated part of their design. It has the potential to leave that person lost as what to do. The Saturated wants to assess any violations in relationships with others to stay safe, and the Whitened wants to forgive—so it leads to an inner conflict. The Whitened stays safe through forgiveness and the Saturated stays safe through order, so it can be a challenge finding balance between the two.

Whitened with an Influence of Grayed
The Whitened wants to be free to move here and there in relationships quickly, and can start where people are at. They can jump in wherever the person they care about is and just move from there. The Grayed needs more information first so they know how to ease in, and they enjoy a slower pace. The inner conflict shows up right there. The Whitened part of the design creates safety by their willingness to go where others need them to go to give support, where the Grayed creates safety through being cautious.

Whitened with an Influence of Blackened
The Whitened has no guile and no agenda so, again, someone high in Whitened will navigate their life with that as their guide. The Blackened, however, is all about agendas, which is usually tasks and a “get ‘r done” approach, so the inner conflict is where to put their energy. Do I create spontaneity and have adventures in that “no agenda” way, or do I just get what needs to be done, DONE? The inner conflict is that each design has strong emotions on what is the most credible and it can become a fight inside. The Whitened creates safety by making those around them feel safe as they are moving through tasks, while the Blackened creates safety through the structure of the tasks.

You can see that there is great potential for inner conflicts to overwhelm a person, but don’t let them. Just be mindful of the way the different designs navigate life and roll with it. It is where you will do your best work—by letting an amount of all of them do their magic. It is where your success lies. We need to use some of all four, because we were made with some of all the designs. It is important to acknowledge them all in the amounts that we have them. That is the very thing that makes each human unique. And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

~Brook

Design Inner Conflict: The Saturated Design

Posted on May 7, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

What is a “design inner conflict?” It is just like it sounds: a conflict within your design. An argument of sorts, with yourself. The conflict shows up in your relationship with yourself and it manifests itself in your inner dialogue. It is those thoughts and conversation you have inside your mind.

Because of the fact that we have all four designs and each has its own central focus, that central focus wants to win out; so it fights with the central focus of the other designs—especially your second design personality.

For example, my Saturated and Whitened are equal and they are my dominant designs. The central focus of the Saturated design is that I crave order in my life, while my Whitened craves change and that manifests itself in creativity. The inner conflict is: do I pick order, or do I create spontaneity? The questions go on and on in my head. It could be something as simple as, “do I clean a closet out, or do I spend that time designing a new living space?” They both seem equally important to me at any given time.

We are going to talk this month about these “design inner conflicts” and how they might occur within each dominant and secondary design.

Tonight, let’s talk about the Saturated design. Those who are high in that design will relate to this explanation, but those who are not should still pay attention for the sake of those in their life that are Saturated.

Saturated with an Influence of Whitened
As I stated previously, the Saturated design has a need for order. They like things simple and they thrive when there is a lot of negative space around them. That is a lot of nothing or empty space. So they would want things quiet and calm. Their Whitened however, would sit in the calm quiet and then want to socialize it with others; so they would have the need to fill that space with other people or with something to do. It would be a fight to see which one wins out.

Saturated with an Influence of Grayed
The central focus of the Grayed design is to process and really pay attention to the details and connections. So if someone is Saturated first with a secondary Grayed design, the inner conflict would not be so much of a fight back and forth as much as the inner dialogue would blend. But the details or facts that are important to each design are what would have that back and forth dialogue, which would have the potential to overwhelm the Saturated-Grayed person.

Saturated with an Influence of Blackened
The Blackened influence as a secondary to the Saturated could create a collision of sorts in their thoughts. The Saturated would want to take charge in the sequencing, but the Blackened logic would want to be practical. Something as simple as wanting to purchase an item that is quality and worthwhile to the Saturated part of the design, but then the Blackened resourcefulness talks themselves out of it. Often times they express regret, not buyers regret, but regret that they don’t have enough quality around them.

This week, write down what is most important to your Saturated design if you are Saturated first, then write down the things that create a conflict with it. Learn to work it out with both designs, just as if they are small children you have to help regulate. After a while it will become natural and you will find yourself on your way to supporting yourself. That in the end is the goal.

Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook