We have talked a lot about what the “Once Upon a Time” Dynamic looks like and why it is important to recognize it. We have already spent a lot of time on the dynamics of it so you can become familiar with it, so I ‘m going to veer off-script a little and focus in on one component that is present in this “Once Upon a Time” Dynamic and also in the prosper and success part of it. The component I’m talking about is information—how it is used to create a dynamic and how it is used to take it back to a healthy place. The reason I am doing it in this week’s blog is because we are going to focus on the Blackened design, so it seems fitting.
Information and how it is used is an important piece of the “Once Upon a Time” Dynamic. If someone is to create a projection for you then how they get and use information determines whether they can cause a narrative to stick or not. The Blackened design is all about being real, and they have an “it is what it is” attitude; this is what leads them to be so honest about things and call it for what it is. Keeping that truth is critical if you want a healthy outcome. If you let information be used in unhealthy ways then you will get the opposite—reactivity and a lot of emotions will become involved.
Information used in an unhealthy way is what we refer to commonly as gossip. The interesting thing about gossip is it is loyal only to the unhealthy narrative. It is not loyal to the truth of things. If someone is controlling or dominating, they collect information that serves or rings true to the narrative. They will then use that information to support a projection and fact stack against the person it is directed to until the narrative seems to be true. It is done until the narrative sticks; it is designed to get you or others to believe it. It has no curiosity, the projection is designed only to support the unhealthy story line that the controller wants so they can get their way. The controlling person in the dynamic is only interested in information that supports the narrative of the person they are projecting onto so they only give approval to those who spread or serve up information that supports the narrative.
Healthy people want the truth. They are curious, so they like to look at all sides of things so they can make a healthy and integrated statement about the truth. A person who is high in Blackened values honesty, so it is important for that Blackened person to make sure it is the healthy truth and not the truth according to an unhealthy narrative that has been set in motion to control someone or an outcome. They want to make sure it will lead to prosperity for the Blackened person and those they like to protect.
What does prosper look like?
Blackened
For someone who is high in the Blackened design, to prosper is to fix. That is the bottom line to them. If something is wrong, they want a solution. The first thing they will do when they see that something is broken is want to know what happened—how did it break, or was it always this way? They don’t want to analyze the story, they just want the why, the how, and the what, in order to determine how it will lead to a solution. To a person that is Blackened this is the very way in which they protect those around them. It is how they care for people. It is like a first responder; they have to leave emotions at the door for a moment and move into a logical place so they can do the hard things that need to be done to protect. They will eventually let the emotions in, it will just be after the fix.
In the unhealthy “Once Upon a Time” Dynamic, a controlling person will start a narrative for them that because they show no emotion in those times, they are cold. Because the Blackened person rejects drama in the crisis, they don’t care and are emotionally stunted. That is the hook—as the Blackened person is still moving to fix or protect, they are riddled with self-doubt and the controller in the story is a bystander happy to throw around labels about how feelingless and primitive the Blackened person is. All the while the controlling person is on the sidelines working the crowd, telling everyone in their sights just how empathetic and emotionally advanced they are. So much so that they can hardly stand this awful situation. This then directs the attention and help to the controller, leaving the Blackened person alone to carry the weight of the crisis themselves. This can lead to isolation and a version of social shutdown.
The “can be” of the Blackened design is they can get forceful and resourceful to a fault. To the degree the Blackened person believes a narrative is equal to the degree they show up in these can be’s. This has high potential to make an unhealthy narrative of being void of emotion look like it could, in fact, be true.
If a Blackened person is at a point where they want to navigate a healthy “Once Upon A Time” Dynamic and turn it into their happily ever after, the best way to start is to communicate what those feelings or emotions will be, when they are past the fix or crisis, so those around them see both sides of the story—the logic and empathy. It would sound something like, “I can see that you are all scared, I’m going to fix this and then we will all talk about how scared we are. For now, let me do my job.” When the controlling people around you start to throw out those unhealthy adjectives from their desired narrative, correct them while you are working and protecting. When they say you are forceful, you follow up with, “I’m just strong.” When they say you are too resourceful, you say “I’m protecting our resources.” Then anyone can negotiate a situation from there.
One of the best things about the Blackened design is that they relate to realness and honesty. It is the hallmark of the Blackened design and it is the beauty of your authenticity. So start there. You can make anyone feel secure just through your actions. When they see your desire to fix, it makes us all feel more stable. Communicate your intentions as you go. It seems so obvious to you what you are doing when you move to fix things, but it is not as obvious to the other designs. The higher you are in the Blackened design the more you don’t enjoy analyzing the dramatic nature of situations. That is what makes you so real, so reassuring, and so secure. Your authentic strength starts from that place. Love it, live it, and celebrate it, and then celebrate others. You deserve it and others do too, because everyone is a masterpiece.
Brook
RELATED POSTS:
Once Upon a Time: How to Prosper in Your Design
Once Upon a Time: How to Prosper in the Saturated Design
Once Upon a Time: How to Prosper in the Whitened Design
Once Upon a Time: How to Prosper in the Grayed Design