Tag: self care

Get Your Authentic Self Back – Trauma and Authenticity

Posted on by Brook Thornley

Our authenticity tends to be very important in the art of being human. We seem to be willing to go to great lengths to seek out our authentic self. At Human Art we see dynamics that chip away at one’s authentic self. One of the most common ones we see is trauma.

It is important to note that trauma can be experienced at many levels and degrees. You might think of trauma as anything that changes life as it is. Depending on the degree of change and how it effects us as humans determines how much it has potential to traumatize us. It can be something very big or it can be something seemingly ordinary, but if it changes our life or even just threatens our life as it is, we can experience the effects of trauma.

Learning to build a strong authenticity, or perhaps taking back our authentic self if we’ve lost it along the way, is so vital to being a functioning human. It allows us to navigate life from a healthy place, will bring us more in life, and keeps us in the moment—which allows our self-love to grow. All of these together gives us the benefit of being in a place to support ourselves from a strong position of security when we do face change and trauma. This strength enables us to experience life in a full and happy way.

Photo Source: 123rf

So how do we start developing or taking back our authenticity? Here are our first steps:

  1. Find your way back through your values
    Whatever your design is, the important first step is to figure out what you value in your design or personality. Use that as a value that flows throughout every thought and every conversation in your life. Whether you value order, or possibly light-heartedness, sensitivity, hard work, or any other of the dozens of traits for each design, plug that into everything you say or do. It is like leaving your stamp on everything you touch. It will leave a trace that will at some point lead right back to you. It will become such a strong part of you that it will become a piece of your blueprint.
  2. Guard your perimeter
    After you have established your value system (this is a personal one, not an established one) we need to move to “keep the good in and the bad out.” It is literally like a fence around us and our personal space that travels with us no matter where we are or who we interact with. We are the one responsible to guard or stand watch of that fence, or perimeter, and protect it. The minute we want someone else to do that job for , or have expectations of others to not bring the bad in, we are in trouble. It is our job and we owe it to ourselves.
  3. Take back your healthy personal power
    We all need our personal power to choose and to dissent or agree. If we don’t feel we have that ability we function as if we are in captivity. Do whatever it takes (in healthy ways) to take our power back. This includes finding safety. Find help in healthy ways. Whether it be through a professional, or self-help tools, just do it. Take that step.
  4. Come home to self
    Stop living out the scripts and personas that have been prescribed to you and get any amount of projection out. At Human Art that is our number one goal—”TO ALL MANKIND, ONE PERSON AT A TIME”—to help people find their authenticity and define it and love it. Don’t stop until you are well on your way. It will be worth your time and investment.

Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

 

“Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me, I’m Going to go Eat Worms”

Posted on by Brook Thornley

“Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I’m going to go eat worms!” It is true, some of the kids in my neighborhood when I was a little girl would sing this little song or chant often. The interesting thing is this little group of kids were the very kids that I loved and admired.

I saw a bit of this same dynamic in junior high. There was a girl that ran in the same circle of friends as me that would seek me out sometimes and tell me she really needed to talk to me. When she had my attention, she would declare with a lot of pain in her demeanor, “No one will talk to me. I don’t have one person that will listen to me. I am invisible.” That struck me so strange because I was sitting there with loads of empathy for her. I believed her. I am telling you, I could feel her pain. I could see it, but at the same time I was confused because I was sitting there listening to her. This leads me to a very important subject.

As a child we have to wait for others, especially adults, to entreat us, to listen to us, to validate us—and often times they don’t. They fall short. To those who have experienced this pain I am sorry this happened. Looking forward, as an adult, we must be aware that it is a totally different thing or dynamic in ord

er to heal. We are now responsible for healing our own wounds.

I’m cringing right now because sometime when I say this it has the possibly of coming across as a minimization of the deep-rooted pain that in some cases is very real. It might even elicit some defenses.

Don’t stop reading. My intent is exactly the opposite. If we can accept this and run in to it, it will do the opposite. It will provide relief.

The most important part of healing your own wounds is to love yourself.  This is all about your sense of self or self love. It falls in the category of your relationship with yourself, not your relationship with others. If you have no idea what your relationship with yourself looks like just examine your self talk. How you talk to yourself is an indicator of how you feel about yourself.

I want you to find a pen and write the following down somewhere, or put it on your screensaver on your phone, or where ever you will see it often.

WE CAN ONLY ACCEPT LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE FROM OTHERS TO THE LEVEL WE LOVE AND ACCEPT OURSELVES.

We are going to walk through 3 steps of jumpstarting your sense of self or your self-love or your self-esteem, however you want to put it.

The 3 Steps Are:

  1. Whatever you want in your life…you must become
  2. Find your freedom through your customized value system
  3. Accountability is all you….. guard your perimeter

I would like to focus on number one today and then we will address the other two in the following weeks.

1. Whatever you want more of in your life, you must become

For example, if you want people to seek you out then you must be the type of person that seeks out others. If you want people to talk to you, you must talk to others. If you want more kindness in your life, your priority must be being kind to others.

Too often we sit in our wound and wait for others to come fix it; yet we can’t see that they are trying but don’t hold the healing ability. You are the only one who does. Yes they can be a support system, but asking them to do it for you is called “outsourcing your healing.” It is literally like trying to hire it out. It never works; it will fail you. It is like wanting to go swimming at a public pool with the desire to enjoy the water, but driving there and sitting in your car, refusing to get out, and waiting for someone to bring the pool to you with all the fun that comes with it—the life guard, the people splashing, the sun…And when that doesn’t happen we are left disappointed in others; that they let us down and, because of their lack of thoughtfulness that they didn’t show up for us, we didn’t get to enjoy the water. I think we have all experienced a version of that in one way or another. The fallacy is that we are not looking at our responsibility to ourselves.  If we want to enjoy the water, we have to go jump in.

This week I challenge you to try being exactly what you want more of in your life. See what shows up. If you do, the healthy people who can enjoy it with you will start showing up to meet you there. That is good information. And for those who don’t or can’t show up that way; it is okay. They are learning also. Don’t judge. Who knows, maybe in your new place of showing up as the person you want to be might inspire an idea of who they want to be. Someday they might surprise you and meet you there. For now, enjoy the water and be patient with one another because everyone is a masterpiece!

-Brook

**If you want more help in discovering what you want more of in your life, become a member of the Human Art Classroom and learn more about your personal design.

Combat Negativity: Become Your Own News

Posted on by Brook Thornley

Did you check the news today?

It seems as if the world has quite a bit going on. It used to be when I looked to the news for current events there was an unusually traumatic event every once in a while followed by a stream of interest stories and then your occasional good deed done by some type of hero (those are my favorite ones). More recently it seems as the traumatic events or negative interactions might be the focus of what is going on. It causes us to pause and evaluate. Is that the current state of the world? Is getting more sinister or are we surrounded with negativity? Are we just not focusing on the good deeds?

I don’t have the answer to those questions, but I do know this. I was asked once what would be the one thing that you would focus on that could combat negative and traumatic actions in human behavior. I knew my answer immediately. Like it was sitting waiting in my brain for someone to ask me this question it popped out that fast. I don’t even know if there was a pause between the question asked and my answer.

“It is self-love and self-value.”

You have to find love for yourself and value yourself before you can anyone else. The degree to which you love and value yourself is the same degree you will love and value others. For example, if you find yourself devaluing others maybe through criticism that is information about how much you value yourself or a look into how you see yourself. You probably see yourself through critical eyes and tend to be critical or use harsh self talk. If you find it hard to trust others, there is a great possibility you don’t have the self value to trust yourself. On the other hand, if you have a reasonable amount of self love and self value you might find yourself interacting with others in that same way frequently.

So how do we shine the light on these kinds of interactions in our world? We simply become our own news. The current event is your personal story. It is that story where you work to find love and value in yourself. The place wherein you are your own investigative reporter and all that you can find are good deeds, interesting current events, and acts of kindness. That type of value and self love that translates into efficacy and you soon start to see yourself showing up in your life as the hero. Yes there will be the occasional negative story but you will have so much more in your emotional tool kit to combat that negativity.

At Human Art: The Original Personality Test the story is you. You are the hero being interviewed. Work hard to find your worth and value. If you are lucky and it is intact, then work to make it stronger. I think the effects that we can have on this planet could be profound. Look to your central focus* and your correlating can-be* to strengthen your understanding of yourself. In the end those are the stories that we really care about. Never forget, everyone is a masterpiece.

 

*to learn more become a member of the Human Art Classroom and view a video all about the central focus and can-be’s of each design.