To me, self esteem is the product of a process more than it is a trait that you just obtain in one simple attempt. Quite often people come to Human Art with the request to help them restore their self esteem and we are always excited to start that process. It makes me reflect on how much this request comes up and how often certain skills are needed and have to be learned to start that process. To be honest I think we all need a little bump in our self esteem here and there. So it would prove us wise if we would take a little time to evaluate how we are actually measuring our self esteem and who we are enlisting to evaluate our progress and our worth.
How are we measuring? We will never find self worth if we constantly look externally for our worth. When we look externally for our worth it usually comes in the form of comparing. Comparing ourselves to others or comparing our situation to others’ situations. I promise you that looking externally for your worth will fail you because you are comparing yourself to someone who is totally different from you. Someone with their own design and own version of authenticity that has nothing to do with your design and looks nothing like yours. Yours is truly unique, like no one else’s. So we need to look internally and start the process of finding the good in ourselves.
When we enlist ourselves to measure our growth, and base it on our authentic self, we succeed. We are the master of our own design. We know it better than anyone else (besides God) so the trick is falling in love with ourselves and who we really are. Self esteem grows out of a sense of self and our sense of self grows out of a healthy autonomy. I emphasize GROWS. Day by day. Situation by situation. It doesn’t happen immediately or just once. It is largely defined by our efficacy—our ability to have a good result and, more importantly, a safe outcome in each situation or small interaction. The ability to engage more fully in interactions leads to our ability to affect our emotional stability.
So let’s take a Whitened client for example. Their ability to affect a situation comes from their spontaneity. It is creativity and enrolling at its best. That kind of thinking is out of the box which can lead to solutions we may not have ever considered. The thought process looks an awful lot like brilliant bubbles popping up with ideas to consider.
The other three designs think differently, so they might not understand the process and label it as careless. They say it’s too many bubbles (ideas) and would take to many resources to carry out. “It’s unrealistic,” they might say. Because they think differently they might miss the fact that each bubble is a consideration that leads to other considerations and other ideas, which leads to a solution that was never entertained before. The point is, it still ends up being one or two solutions they just dance through a lot of bubbles to get there. Then comes the criticism. Sometimes delivered by the other person, but all too often by themselves. The Whitened person now feels like their ability to effect a good result is gone, their ability to produce a good outcome diminishes, and they are left feeling unsafe and with lowered self esteem.
Each design has their way they need to be effective and really feel efficacy. If they cannot obtain those results it leads to self doubt and then low self esteem. So make sure you are aware of the results that you need:
Saturated: Clarity and the ability to produce quality outcomes (whatever you might deem quality).
Whitened: Enrolling and change that is important to all the social circles in their life.
Grayed: Minding the details and the importance of them. They need the space and time to be thorough.
Blackened: To be effective you need to just get it done. Finish what you started, get the result based on the expectation.
So don’t fall into the trap of minimizing the need to be effective in your design. Your ability get results is yours and it defines your brilliances. No one else has it in the way you do. Don’t expect them to totally understand it, just support yourself and start negotiating in a healthy way. Also understand and honor others around you by honoring their process and need to be effective.
Everyone needs self respect
Everybody needs to effect good results
Everybody deserves emotional safety
And most importantly…
Everyone is a masterpiece.