Category: Prosper

“Who Are You…Really?” Getting ME Back

Posted on June 25, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

There are many strategies that we as humans use to try and determine whether we can trust someone or not. One of the most common that I have heard about is deciding if people are kind and consistent. Another great way to determine if you can trust someone is if they are authentic. If they are not, it doesn’t always mean they have ill will intended for you, it could just mean they are insecure. Regardless of the reason, it is just a good way to know whether or not you can trust someone, especially with your own vulnerabilities.

If someone is not authentic and is trying to project a self that is not really them, it can mean that they don’t even trust themselves. If this is the case, they might not be a great candidate for someone to confide in or draw close to you. A manufactured self cannot generate anything because they are not a real self, just a projected version of who that person wants you to believe they are.

If you find yourself in a place where you are the one projecting something that you are not, it might be time to ask yourself, “who am I?” and start the process of getting your true self back.

We all seem to experience trials to some degree and, as we have discussed in the past few weeks, that puts us in a position to lose a little or a lot of who we really are. It is at this point we need to do an about face and run right back to who we really are authentically.

*Photo Source: Pexels (text added by Human Art)*

The first step to that is take a trip down memory lane and think about those things that were important to you when you were very young. Children usually don’t have an agenda to impress, they just seem to love to explore, and it seems natural to them to be curious. If you look back to when you were young you will find clues about how you were made, your design, and personality, and what you were beginning to value.

Second, think of your hopes and dreams. What are the things that bring meaning to you and your life? Spend time focusing on and discussing these with safe people around you. It will keep the focus on those things and can create a passion to see them out.

Third, assess regrets. Ask yourself what you regret not doing and, if it is healthy, make a plan to do it or have a do over. Find a way in your situation to slowly incorporate changes in some way to eliminate regret and move forward.

Lastly, remember that your design is unique and you are made completely different than anyone else. However, each design has a few different regrets in common, so it might be a helpful start to evaluate where you want to begin your journey in getting back to who you are authentically.

SATURATED
They love order, so any regrets usually have to do with not having the discipline to create the order around them that they need. They also love appropriateness or dignity so anytime they step off that kind of integrity, it eats at them. If that is the case, it is a good idea to have the healthy conversations needed to set the record straight as to what is really important to them and what they value.

WHITENED
They love enrolling, so when they have had situations where they have left someone out it eats at them. If this is the case, to make it right they either need to go back and make that person feel a part of things or, if that is not possible or unhealthy, just learn from it and correct that dynamic in future interactions. Make sure that same mistake is not repeated. Whitened people also love change, so if you find yourself relating to this and you are not creating the spontaneity in your life that leads to healthy growth, create it. Don’t wait for others to do it, you do it for yourself and enjoy all those that are willing to experience it with you.

GRAYED
They value tradition and thread relationships, so when a tradition gets cut off or a thread relationship in your life has been cut off, this can eat at them. If this is the case, bring back those old important traditions and create them again in a way that is meaningful to you. It might not be exactly the same and with the exact same people, but find components of the tradition that are fulfilling and bring them into the start of a new tradition, be the guard of it, and make sure it happens from now on. Take ownership of it. If relationships have been cut off and they are good healthy relationships, reach out. It doesn’t have to be much. Just a, “hello how are you?” to start that connection again.

BLACKENED
They value tasks and being able to fix it. If they have regrets it usually has to do with not mending or fixing something. If it is healthy and good for everyone around, then take the time to go back and fix what you missed. If it is not healthy, change the expectation of the fix and create a new compartment int your brain for “fixing is not fixing.” It is being able to label it “let it go” or not worth it.” Don’t save unhealthy things as something to fix or check off, just re-label them as not fixable and then you can move on. Take it off the list of things to fix.

These might not be representative of the whole journey of getting your authentic self back, but they are a great place to start evaluating what needs to happen in order to get your authenticity back or make it stronger. You are worth it, and it is a matter of telling those around you that they can trust you because you are honest about who you are.

Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

Getting Our Authentic Self Back After Trauma – The Grayed and Blackened Designs

Posted on June 18, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

We talked last week about how trauma, big or small, can take away our authenticity. It is in those small traumas that occur over time that we are at risk of forgetting who we are and losing our sense of self and self-love. It leads us to give up a little confidence in our self each time we experience self-doubt because of a trauma. Remember, a trauma is anything life changing or that changes life as it was. Someone treating you harshly or really inflicting pain in any way can be considered traumatic and has potential to hit our authenticity. As a personality profiler, it is important to me that if you have experienced this on any level, run as fast as you can back to you authentic self.

When I am picking colors for any project, I consider which ones I will use based on what communication is needed. Last week I talked about how the Saturated and Whitened colors both need to shine; this week let’s talk about Grayed and Blackened.

If the colors selected are Grayed or Blackened, one component that needs to be present, no matter what color it is, is that both these designs relate better to the communication if they are matte. It is common in both designs that the communication is a little more understated. They like things more organic.

It is the same when these types of people are relating to others. Part of experiencing trauma is so much light and attention is shining on the person in a trauma, and just that fact alone can be even more traumatic. When someone in this design gets criticized for wanting to navigate the consequences of the experience in a more understated way, it can lead to extreme behavior in an attempt to protect themselves and get out of the spotlight. This can become a safety strategy over time.

Getting your authenticity back after a trauma
We had a client that experienced this. This client was desperate to find employment but had been treated harshly in past employment. The effects on this client were pretty damaging and in an attempt to keep it in a quiet place they just quietly and without any disruption left and looked for another job. The problem is that part of the criticism from the former boss led them to not trust anyone. In the interviews for each job, the minute the interviewer would ask questions about how they put themselves out there it created fear in our client. In an attempt to combat that fear, they would shut down and malfunction. Needless to say, the job hunting wasn’t going well for a while.

It is important to remember that the Grayed loves things matte and organic but in a refined way. Things that are understated but have been put through a process to make them even more desirable and legitimate. It is the same with the Grayed person. They love to be conservative but in their authenticity it still should be processed and analyzed in calm ways to make things more desirable. More desirable results equals more desirable conversations. The depth of things is where the Grayed design does its best work. Getting in and looking at all contingencies. That is the way back to authenticity.

It is also important to remember that the Blackened design loves thing matte and organic but in an earthy way. Just the way it is and was created. It is what it is. So the understated nature of the Blackened is the “no fuss” part of being in a conversation, or a dynamic, almost always as part of a task. That is the way back to the Blackened authenticity.

Being understated, conservative, or matte is so beautiful, and is a great way to navigate your way back from trauma. Find those things around you that make you feel safe in this form of authenticity. The road back to that place is filled with a collection of understated quiet conversations, calm interactions, and natural and organic experiences. To get there, find someone or something that will fulfill those needs. If they don’t relate to that design its ok, just find someone who will support it and celebrate it. Engage and put effort into things. It’s okay to pace it. Be matte and go deep into things. It is a beautiful way to find the romance and creation of your life.

And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

Getting Our Sense of Self Back – The Saturated and Whitened Shine

Posted on June 11, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

As we go through our life in the day to day activities and tasks, we can experience trauma at any time. It can be quite dramatic sometimes, but for the most part we all experience trauma on the lighter end of the spectrum in our day to day routine. For this reason, we don’t always recognize it, and we also don’t recognize that that is what leads to a slight drop in sense of self. Little by little these hits can add up and create a crisis in our sense of self, who we really are, and our self-love.

We had a woman at Human Art experience this dynamic. She grew up in a family who loved her and met her physical needs quite well. Emotionally however, there was a family script that went back for generations that was full of rules and led to a great amount of perfection and harshness. It’s just all her family knew, and they were doing the best that they could. They managed to get through her upbringing, but she noticed as an adult she struggled with relationships and bonding. It led her to reach out and ask us for help. She realized that over time she had lost who she was and what her authenticity even looked like. We educated her on the fact that this was an example of one of these “small” traumas that had the potential to take her away from who she really was. Every time someone treated her with any level of perceived harshness it put her in a place of fear and she would flip into survival mode. Not a great place to try and relate or bond with people.

Many of us find ourselves in a similar situation, no matter the underlying reason, where we have lost our authentic self and let fear rule. So let’s talk about how we use our personality or authenticity (however much we have of it at any given time) to get our sense of self back. It is important to use the traits that are in our design to find our way back to who we really are so we can relate to others and bond with them in that authentic way.

The Saturated and Whitened Authenticity

One thing that the Saturated and Whitened designs have in common is, when we look at the colors that they both relate to, no matter what the color is it is always better when it has a shine added to it. Both designs relate to it. When it comes to interacting and relating with others, it is the very same. Both of these designs like to shine.

A Saturated person wants to shine through quality. If they are assigned to any task or project they themselves don’t want to have the attention on themselves, they want the quality of what they are engaged in to shine. It is a communication of sorts, to let people know that it is credible.

The Whitened design likes to shine in the fact that they are enrolling others. They love to draw attention to anything that will show something is enrolling or fun to bring people together.

In either design, they love to shine. When trauma happens, no matter how small, it takes them out of their ability to shine, and just the fact that someone or something is dulling them down can be traumatic for their sense of self and self-love.

The road back for these two designs is to continue, or maybe even try again, to shine. Whether it be in small or big ways, it is important to start. You could shine in a conversation or a small task, you could shine in a talent or a project. Just shine. It will jump start you back to your authenticity and a sense of self in the way that you relate to it.

This week encourage anyone that has Whitened or Saturated designs to shine. Whether it be yourself or someone you know, it is the week of those who love to shine. It will be helpful to all.

And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

Get Your Authentic Self Back – Trauma and Authenticity

Posted on June 4, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

Our authenticity tends to be very important in the art of being human. We seem to be willing to go to great lengths to seek out our authentic self. At Human Art we see dynamics that chip away at one’s authentic self. One of the most common ones we see is trauma.

It is important to note that trauma can be experienced at many levels and degrees. You might think of trauma as anything that changes life as it is. Depending on the degree of change and how it effects us as humans determines how much it has potential to traumatize us. It can be something very big or it can be something seemingly ordinary, but if it changes our life or even just threatens our life as it is, we can experience the effects of trauma.

Learning to build a strong authenticity, or perhaps taking back our authentic self if we’ve lost it along the way, is so vital to being a functioning human. It allows us to navigate life from a healthy place, will bring us more in life, and keeps us in the moment—which allows our self-love to grow. All of these together gives us the benefit of being in a place to support ourselves from a strong position of security when we do face change and trauma. This strength enables us to experience life in a full and happy way.

So how do we start developing or taking back our authenticity? Here are our first steps:

Find your way back through your values
Whatever your design is, the important first step is to figure out what you value in your design or personality. Use that as a value that flows throughout every thought and every conversation in your life. Whether you value order, or possibly light-heartedness, sensitivity, hard work, or any other of the dozens of traits for each design, plug that into everything you say or do. It is like leaving your stamp on everything you touch. It will leave a trace that will at some point lead right back to you. It will become such a strong part of you that it will become a piece of your blueprint.
Guard your perimeter
After you have established your value system (this is a personal one, not an established one) we need to move to “keep the good in and the bad out.” It is literally like a fence around us and our personal space that travels with us no matter where we are or who we interact with. We are the one responsible to guard or stand watch of that fence, or perimeter, and protect it. The minute we want someone else to do that job for , or have expectations of others to not bring the bad in, we are in trouble. It is our job and we owe it to ourselves.
Take back your healthy personal power
We all need our personal power to choose and to dissent or agree. If we don’t feel we have that ability we function as if we are in captivity. Do whatever it takes (in healthy ways) to take our power back. This includes finding safety. Find help in healthy ways. Whether it be through a professional, or self-help tools, just do it. Take that step.
Come home to self
Stop living out the scripts and personas that have been prescribed to you and get any amount of projection out. At Human Art that is our number one goal—”TO ALL MANKIND, ONE PERSON AT A TIME”—to help people find their authenticity and define it and love it. Don’t stop until you are well on your way. It will be worth your time and investment.

Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

New Year Goals by Design – Part 5 – Landscape Your Goals

Posted on January 29, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

Remember at the end of December/beginning of January, we talked about building an inner landscape before we set goals. Each week we walked you through one design’s inner landscape tool and we discussed and put into place a different tool. We had you practice all four of them. Now, you are equipped to move forward with goals. (If you haven’t read our previous posts about the inner landscape tools, start here first).

In the true form of a pep-talk of sorts…move forward and make goals, keeping the inner landscape tools as the priority. It is so common for all of us to have a pure and true desire to conquer a goal but it is very difficult, seemingly impossible, to do it without a good healthy inner landscape. It is the foundation for any goal setting, milestone, growth or achievement. So when you start a process of any kind, lay the foundations by strengthening your ability to use these tools and then landscape your goals until you get what you desire.

Setting goals by design is just as we have discussed over the month of January. It is finding the desired growth and then putting into play the inner landscape to support the growth in the goal. The degree we have each design is the degree that we need a good solid ability to use and support our growth with that specific tool. For example, if I was a person that had A LOT of Saturation and a large amount of Whitened right after it, I would need A LOT of discipline (Saturated tool) and a LARGE amount of ability to qualify and disqualify in a healthy way (Whitened tool). That would be my focus on my journey to achieving anything. Let’s also say That would leave a small amount of Grayed and “fumes” of Blackened in my design. Naturally I would notice I didn’t need to focus so much on staying engaged (Grayed) or my effort (Blackened). I would simply try to take notice of when I disengaged and what were the circumstances around that, also when did my effort start to lose its focus or strength.

As a reminder:
-Saturated inner landscape tool is discipline
-Whitened inner landscape tool is the ability to qualify and disqualify in a healthy way
-Grayed inner landscape tool is to stay engaged
-Blackened inner landscape tool is effort

A real life example from the Human Art family….

One client has Saturated first then Blackened second. She wants to achieve success in educating herself to get the desired profession she desires. It is her dream. Naturally she has no problem engaging herself in study and getting things done. She is literally like her own personal drill sergeant, marching to her own calls. She is very motivated and very structured—she has check off lists and compartments and she has the discipline to not move on until the task at hand is done. When she started the process at Human Art of learning and strengthening her inner landscape she could see that it was in her third design, Whitened, where she was falling behind. It was her inability to qualify and disqualify in a healthy way that was taking her out and shutting down her growth.

It was interesting because she had a great ability to qualify healthy and unhealthy systems and people, she just didn’t have the ability to qualify herself and her efficacy in a healthy way. In other words, she disqualified herself easily and then her Grayed (her very last design) was quick to come up with evidence to support that unhealthy system. Her call to action, before any achievement or setting any goal, was to strengthen her ability to qualify herself. She learned to go into any task asking for help and learning to get integrated feedback so she didn’t have to be so quick to disqualify herself; instead she could make accurate evaluations about what she did well and what she needed to learn more about and move on from there. Her Whitened in a weak state literally had the ability to take out that great inner drill sergeant that was moving her forward. Now with a better foundation of a strong inner landscape she can move forward with her goals and find joy in achieving them.

If you desire your true authenticity then this is your new system of learning, growing, achievement and finding success. In each new process of moving forward in life, each new stage, each time we all find ourselves uncomfortable in growth, find security in this system. Now, at the end of January, set goals, sign up for new things, look to your dreams and think about what you want to accomplish and use your inner landscape to get there. You can and you deserve to grow. We all do, because…
everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

READ ALL THIS MONTH’S POSTS ABOUT INNER LANDSCAPE TOOLS:

Part 1 – Introduction and Saturated
Part 2 -Whitened
Part 3 – Grayed
Part 4 – Blackened