Category: Conflict

Design Inner Conflict: The Saturated Design

Posted on May 7, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

What is a “design inner conflict?” It is just like it sounds: a conflict within your design. An argument of sorts, with yourself. The conflict shows up in your relationship with yourself and it manifests itself in your inner dialogue. It is those thoughts and conversation you have inside your mind.

Because of the fact that we have all four designs and each has its own central focus, that central focus wants to win out; so it fights with the central focus of the other designs—especially your second design personality.

For example, my Saturated and Whitened are equal and they are my dominant designs. The central focus of the Saturated design is that I crave order in my life, while my Whitened craves change and that manifests itself in creativity. The inner conflict is: do I pick order, or do I create spontaneity? The questions go on and on in my head. It could be something as simple as, “do I clean a closet out, or do I spend that time designing a new living space?” They both seem equally important to me at any given time.

We are going to talk this month about these “design inner conflicts” and how they might occur within each dominant and secondary design.

Tonight, let’s talk about the Saturated design. Those who are high in that design will relate to this explanation, but those who are not should still pay attention for the sake of those in their life that are Saturated.

Saturated with an Influence of Whitened
As I stated previously, the Saturated design has a need for order. They like things simple and they thrive when there is a lot of negative space around them. That is a lot of nothing or empty space. So they would want things quiet and calm. Their Whitened however, would sit in the calm quiet and then want to socialize it with others; so they would have the need to fill that space with other people or with something to do. It would be a fight to see which one wins out.

Saturated with an Influence of Grayed
The central focus of the Grayed design is to process and really pay attention to the details and connections. So if someone is Saturated first with a secondary Grayed design, the inner conflict would not be so much of a fight back and forth as much as the inner dialogue would blend. But the details or facts that are important to each design are what would have that back and forth dialogue, which would have the potential to overwhelm the Saturated-Grayed person.

Saturated with an Influence of Blackened
The Blackened influence as a secondary to the Saturated could create a collision of sorts in their thoughts. The Saturated would want to take charge in the sequencing, but the Blackened logic would want to be practical. Something as simple as wanting to purchase an item that is quality and worthwhile to the Saturated part of the design, but then the Blackened resourcefulness talks themselves out of it. Often times they express regret, not buyers regret, but regret that they don’t have enough quality around them.

This week, write down what is most important to your Saturated design if you are Saturated first, then write down the things that create a conflict with it. Learn to work it out with both designs, just as if they are small children you have to help regulate. After a while it will become natural and you will find yourself on your way to supporting yourself. That in the end is the goal.

Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

What’s the Problem? Autonomy!

Posted on October 1, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

“Can’t you see they are not telling the truth!”
“How can you stand there and say that with a straight face?”
“Our group is strongly opposed to your group’s view.”

It doesn’t matter if it is an individual talking to another group of people, a family, a gathering of people who love each other, or in the work place trying to agree on a project or a strategy; when groups of people are polarized it creates a great deal of chaos and stress. It is equally as difficult when the distance between the disagreeing parties has gotten to the point that contention is so strong it feels as if it would be impossible to walk it back to a neutral place again. This is a very dangerous place to be because the next thing to happen in these types of group interactions is the group starts to destroy the order and integrity of the group and it starts to disintegrate. What can a group do when it finds itself in this very dynamic?

First, I assure you it is possible to get back to a healthy place of interacting with each other in a neutral way and still keep our opinion and preferences intact.

Second, its actually something that happens rather quickly.

We must stop and ask, “WHATS THE PROBLEM?” And the answer always has something to do with autonomy!!!

Autonomy is basically our independence or ability to have self-freedom.

Quietly in your head, stop and describe everyone’s autonomy that is in the large group, including your own. This will allow you to respect your own views and come from a place of security and personal power; from that point you are in a position to celebrate and appreciate others’ point of view. State your needs, speak of your preferences, describe what you are focused on according to your design (we call that a central focus), and have the courage to be a little vulnerable, no matter how others react to it. Share your challenges in a real and genuine way. Try hard to be authentic and not manufacture a egoic version of strength. Use the power you already have, your personal power. No one can truly criticize it because you know it better than anyone else, you are the only on with it.

Here is an example:
A very Saturated man and a Saturated teen were working together on a project. They were assigned to work on the project with a very Grayed woman and a really Whitened young adult.
the two Saturated people were in agreement that the project needed to come across professionally and that the objective needed to be clear (they share that central focus). Things were going great until the Grayed women came into the planning meeting and introduced a very thorough list of questions that needed to be asked about the project before any decisions were to be made. The group spent a few minutes debating what the main the focus should be until tension was mounting in the small planning room. The Saturated man and the Saturated teen were starting to strategize how they could side step the Grayed woman’s list while the Grayed woman was feeling frustrated and found herself asking more and more questions until she went to her next strategy of shutting down and beginning to resent. The two groups were quickly losing credibility with each other. it was then that the Whitened adult came in and stated the Whitened central focus that always includes socializing and declared, “are we having fun yet?!”

Stop right here!!!!!

This is the very moment when it is time to quietly say, “Whats the problem?…Autonomy!” In this moment, the group should start to review everyone’s autonomy, starting with the central focus of each person’s design.

The Saturated man and teen want quality and that comes from clear objectives and professionalism.

The Grayed woman is thorough and usually prevents problems before they even arise.

The Whitened man makes sure everyone stays engaged and can tell before others even start to notice anything is wrong that someone is about to withdraw or shut down and re-engages them in a safe way.

When these central focuses are looked at in this light that is when we can quickly step back into healthy and neutral interactions. It is at this point we can listen. Our curiosity goes up and self-doubt goes down. It is also at this point we start to celebrate each other, are in a great system of synergy, and notice how we are stronger as a group. The sum of these parts of the group are greater than the individual parts. A line from one of my favorite songs says,”I like me better when I’m with you.”

So when you find yourself in a group where you are asking yourself, “what’s the problem?” Think “autonomy,” and move into action.

Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

Understanding a Sense of Self Injury

Posted on December 13, 2017May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

A client came in to Human Art the other day and expressed that she was struggling to make some big decisions in her life. Rod, our clinician, asked her if she thought she might be experiencing a “sense of self injury”. She replied, “how could I have an injury to my sense of self if I don’t even have one?” I have been thinking a lot about that conversation. If we don’t know who we are isn’t that an injury in and of itself? Thinking about our sense of self causes us to pause and examine our authenticity. That person we were when we were born.

I love watching toddlers because they seem to be functioning at all times in their authenticity. They could be in a diaper with their tummy sticking out, their hair could be tousled, and food or drool dripping down the front of them and you can tell in their mind they are the most amazing human ever. They don’t seem to even consider that something could remotely be wrong with them. It is brilliant. I love to watch them move around the room from toy to toy, completely free to be who they are.

Then as we grow life throws some things at us. Not all of them are positive. That is the beginnings of a “sense of self injury”. When we experience criticism or rejection for using one of our authentic traits in the best way we know how, we run the risk of rejecting that trait ourselves (because it did not serve us in that moment, so we think). In our head we seem to declare that we will never do that again. But the way we are made up in this human experience it’s like our soul will not let us be without a trait, so we create one in its place. For example if someone was being kind and others were mobbing them and making fun of them for being kind, they might reject that trait. In their head it might sound like, “well I am not going to be kind again.” They then consider a new trait to replace it. “I will be rude instead, then no one can hurt me.” That is what is referred to as a manufactured self. It is not who we truly are. As we go along in life, the more we reject who we are and try and replace it with a manufactured trait the more we run the risk of divorcing our authenticity all together. That is an egoic self.

So it boils down to asking ourselves: are we a version of our authenticity, or are we a version of a manufactured self? Spend some time on your relationship with yourself. We all have one. It manifests through our self talk. Are we striving to be authentic or are we in a constant state of projection? These are important questions to ask ourself.

Learning who we are and how we are made up becomes what we hold on to and determines what we value in life. At Human Art: The Original Personality Test, we work tirelessly to help one to find their authenticity. We teach people how to define it, to use it, to celebrate it and to love it.

Remember, at Human Art: The Original Personality Test, everyone is a masterpiece.