Category: Self Love

Manufactured Self vs. Authentic Self: The Grayed Connection

Posted on March 19, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

Continuing our discussion of the manufactured vs. authentic self, this week we are talking about the Grayed design. If you missed the last two weeks, you can read about Saturated here, and Whitened here.

The Grayed authenticity is refined and meticulous. Someone who is high in the Grayed design or personality has an elaborate need for details. They are sensitive and empathetic. I often describe them as calm, but a calm that is felt and doesn’t need words to feel the effects brush over you. They will interact with others in a conservative manner that has an inquisitive engagement. They are introverted and understated, but the refined way in which they enter any interaction allows them to connect with others with ease and is introspective.

Let’s say that in interacting with others they get criticized for taking too much time to think about something. They get labeled as “too slow.” They then might reject that wonderful trait of being meticulous and replace it with a manufactured trait of responding quickly and compulsively. They then get more negative feedback that they are too sensitive, so they reject that trait and replace it with stern. It can go on and on. Criticized for being to inquisitive, they now replace it with the trait of free and non-structured so they do what they want. And instead of seen for their calmness they are labeled as tuned out and not paying attention, so it is replaced with loud and intrusive. They would do this for protection. They then might get criticized for being a mess. Now, instead of a beautiful Grayed authenticity, you have an egoic self that is a compulsive, stern, non-structured, loud, intrusive mess of an egoic self. It doesn’t make sense to those interacting with the beautiful Grayed person. It does not in any way validate the Grayed individual.

Finding our authenticity and learning our equation and experiencing life through it is the only way to find true joy and the peace we desire. We all have amounts of all four designs in our personality so we all have an amount of Grayed in us. We might have a lot or a little, it might just be enough to process through things. There are hidden strengths and traits when we use our Grayed, we just have to consider that same question we have been asking for weeks: ARE WE FUNCTIONING IN OUR AUTHENTICITY OR IN A PROJECTED, EGOIC, MANUFACTURED SELF OR A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH?

Use this week to notice how much of the Grayed design or authenticity you have in your design. To the degree you have Grayed is the degree that you find the Grayed traits you relate to and use them. Grow from them and see through that lens what character traits you find showing up. Carefully incorporate them into challenges and barriers you face and you will find connections that you never considered before. Then find someone else and connect with them. You will find more empathy and understanding for yourself and also for others. You deserve it, and others around you deserve it, because everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

Manufactured Self vs. Authentic Self: The Whitened Difference

Posted on March 11, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

Last week we introduced the topic of the manufactured self vs. the authentic self, and how that manufactured self might be created. We also talked about what that difference might look like for a Saturated person. This week, we are going to talk about the way a Whitened person might create a manufactured self.

The Whitened authenticity is youthful and spontaneous. Someone who is high in the Whitened design has a high need for social interactions and fun in their life. They are enrolling and I describe them often as someone with no guile. They will interact with others with no agenda. Just a pure innocence that is designed to make others happy and light-hearted. They are extroverted so most of their thought process is done on the outside. They are active but at the same time can absorb information at a high rate; they can also remember it and recall it when needed. Those traits are all authentic and they all make sense when interacting with someone that is high in the Whitened design.

Let’s say that they get criticized for interacting with someone in such a non-structured way. They might get told that they need to take things more seriously. They then might reject that Whitened trait and take on a manufactured trait of disqualifying people and relationships quickly and not interacting with others as much. They would do this for protection. Then another person might come along and give them negative attention for being so active or enrolling. There again they reject that quality and maybe put in a controlling trait as part of their manufactured self to again protect them from getting more negative feedback. It keeps going. They reject their innocence and become overly direct. They trade their light-heartedness for quiet, still and isolated. Now, instead of that beautiful Whitened authenticity, you have an egoic self that is too quickly disqualifying, controlling, overly direct, still too quiet, and isolated. To top it off they then get more criticism that they are not fun anymore. It creates confusion when interacting with the beautiful Whitened person. It does not in any way validate the Whitened person.

Finding our true authentic equation and experiencing life through it is the only way to find true joy. As I have mentioned before, we have all four designs so we all have some Whitened in our authentic equations. As we keep moving through life we need to find how much. It is a great way to put us in a state of play and we all experience optimal learning when we are in a state of play. There is hidden strength and amounts of character that can be developed when we use our authentic lens to start that journey. We just have to ask that same question again: ARE WE FUNCTIONING IN OUR AUTHENTICITY OR IN A PROJECTED, EGOIC, MANUFACTURED SELF? OR A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH?

Use this week to notice how much of the Whitened authenticity you have in your design. Is it a little, medium amount, or a lot? To the degree you have it, find the Whitened traits that you relate to and use them. Use them to play, use them to learn, use them to celebrate and teach others. Jump into it this week, grab someone’s hand and bring them with you. You deserve it, they deserve it. and remember everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

Manufactured Self vs. Authentic Self: What’s the Difference

Posted on March 5, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

Projection, projected self, false self—these are all terms that are thrown around when we refer to someone that is not being their true self.

Authentic, authenticity, real—are terms that we equally hear and is the preferred way for a human to function. Even though it is the preferred way, we are seeing less and less of authenticity; and with social media it is definitely a temptation for people to put their best, not their worst, forward when posting. The question then becomes, why are we all feeling a need to project our self and our lives as a little (or a lot) better than they really are in reality?

Maybe we are putting too much pressure on ourselves to come across a little better than others, or it could be that we don’t believe in our own abilities as much. It could also be that we believe we think we can’t get ahead if we don’t.

Temptation or not, the reason that we need to be authentic instead of projecting a false self is simply because in the end being authentic leaves us in a happier state and with a feeling of peace in our relationship with our self and with others.

As a personality profiler, I see this daily. We all know our authentic traits to some degree. Even if it is just one or two of them. We tend to like our authenticity, it is our preferred way of navigating life. But then we might find ourselves in a moment when someone else (could be an authority figure) disagrees with our way and if it goes as far as getting negative attention for it, perhaps we get criticized for using it, that is the very moment that we have to make a decision about ourselves.

This decision usually is processed and made in our subconscious mind. The inner dialogue sounds something like this: “Using that authentic trait didn’t work out for me very well, all that I got from using it was criticism.” It is in that moment we ask our self, “Do I keep that trait and use it again, or do I reject that trait?”

If I choose to reject it, I am literally throwing that authentic trait out. Disregarding it. I might be able to piddle along through life without it, except for the fact that in human behavior we don’t exactly work like that. We immediately feel the need to pick another trait to replace it. We replace it with a manufactured trait. One that we make up. It is a defense mechanism we all have. We find the one that will give us a false sense of protection and really isn’t us—it is made to project, project and protect. That is the first step in creating an egoic self or a manufactured self.

In extreme cases, one might completely divorce their authentic self and function only in the manufactured or projected self.

That is where the designs of Human Art come in. Knowing who you are and how you are made up is important when one is trying to stay authentic. The authentic traits and tendencies are a reminder of who you are but can also be a constant reminder of how great your design is—keeping you on the authentic side of life.

Let’s talk about the Saturated design this week and then we will showcase the others throughout the weeks of March.

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SATURATED AUTHENTICITY VS. MANUFACTURED SELF
The Saturated authenticity is beautiful and still. Someone that is high in the Saturated design has a high amount of credibility. They are dignified. I describe it as a quiet dignity. They move through life with everything going on on the inside and they are driven by finding the one most important thing. They can make clear and precise decisions. Those traits are all harmonious. They are authentic to a person high in the Saturated design. It makes sense to people interacting with them.

Now let’s say they get criticized for being too serious. They might reject that trait and then take on the manufactured trait of being funny as a protection. Then, another time someone that is really conservative criticizes them for being quality driven. There again they reject the quality trait and then maybe put in an ultra-conservative trait as part of the manufactured to protect them from getting criticized again. Then it keeps going. They reject still and replace it with obnoxious and loud. They reject their peaceful way and replace it with overbearing. Now, instead of a beautiful Saturated authenticity you have an egoic self that is overly funny, painfully conservative, obnoxiously forceful and dominating. It creates confusion when expecting a beautiful Saturated person. It does not in any way validate the Saturated person.

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Finding our authentic equation and experiencing life through it is the only way to be healthy and happy. Building on that authenticity and finding other authentic strengths is the way we are intended to grow. Developing character while still being seen through the lens of our authenticity is the greatest way to navigate life and our personal growth. Ask yourself this question. “AM I FUNCTIONING IN MY AUTHENTIC SELF OR IN A MADE UP VERSION OF A PROJECTED, EGOIC, MANUFACTURED SELF? OR IS IT A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH?”

Use this week to notice how much of the authentic Saturated you have in your design. Is it a little, a medium amount, or a lot? To the degree you have it, Find the Saturated traits you relate to and use them. Stand still and dignified in them. Observe how you feel. Take that step, it is a step towards being more authentic. You deserve it, those you interact with deserve the best you.

And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

Have Some Compassion, Take a Break, and Step Back from the Can Be’s

Posted on November 20, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

We are all so busy at this time of year. We have events, parties, performances, and even just the weight of getting the right gifts for each other. As fun as the holiday season is, there can be some pressure. This is the time of year at Human Art we notice people getting down on themselves in small ways in which they feel they don’t measure up. As humans, anytime there is pressure and then we add comparison to the mix, that is a recipe for feeling inadequate. When there is pressure to perform in any way it causes us to reflect on where we might need more tools. It literally illuminates our lack of skills in any area. You could look at it with any amount of shame, but we also have the choice to see it as a moment of introspection–our brain doing inventory and helping us to see where we could add a skill or two to make us an even stronger functioning human. That is a gift if we navigate it in a healthy way.

One thing that I know for sure is that people are good.

Working with people on a daily basis and seeing so many different designs and personalities, it is so beautiful to see a common thread in all of us–that is the desire to do better for ourselves and for those around us. We all want to be healthy and we all desire healthy relationships at some level. It is an amazing thing to watch and, if you look closely, that process of fighting for those very things is an attractive desire that we all have in common.

When we find ourselves feeling shame:

1. It is critical to have some self compassion.
Self compassion is your companion in this emotional journey to running in to any lack of skills, trial, or when trying to strengthen our character. Some people might feel some strong emotion at this point because they mistake step one of giving our self compassion as an easy out or a reason to not grow or develop more skills. That is not what I am referring to. We are not covering up our lack of skills with compassion, we are simply running our assessment of what skills we need to add to the ones we already have and bringing compassion along as a constant companion. It is the only way we can tolerate looking at our deprivation with out falling into the trap of shaming ourselves. When we experience shame, we know the process of healthy learning has considerably slowed down and navigating in a healthy way is constricted.

2. Take a break.
Take a break from the destructive thinking and turn it around to what’s possible. What is my desired skill? Where do I want to end up? What tool do I need? The break in step two is intended to slow things down, so we can think. It is not intended to stop abruptly, that could elicit discouragement. We simply want to slow our thoughts down and start to reason in a tolerant way. We want to focus on the desired skill, think of how we got here, or our story. Process it with compassion. Then focus on what we want. Find joy in the fact that we are growing, we are developing. Find anything we have done a little better and keep doing that. The worst thing we can do is speed up our expectations of results. That could launch us into pressure again and then we are back into the shame loop. Slow it down and keep a constant pace. It is the consistency that will help us obtain healthy skills, the very ones we desire. Most likely we will pick up some added unintended skills along the way as a bonus to our consistency.

3. Step back from the “can be”
Every design has a potential “Can Be.” It is when a positive trait goes out of its bounds and becomes a negative. The good news is that once this happens it is only one step back into turning it back into a positive trait again. All is never lost. The reason we call them “Can Be’s” is that just because you have a particular design or personality, it does not mean you automatically have the correlating “can be”, it just means there is potential to go into the “can be” when we feel inadequate or when we are in the shame cycle. It is important to properly asses traits and use them responsibly in this way of thinking. For example a trait like “discipline” is a positive trait, but if we overuse discipline, it goes out of its bounds and becomes rigid and controlling. If we slow things down and recognize we are out of its bounds, it is one step back to discipline.

Can Be’s and the Designs

Saturated

Trait	Can Be
In Control	Controlling
Cool	Aloof
Clear Thinker	Uncompromising

Whitened

Trait	Can Be
Enrolling	Over Enroll
Spontaneous	Random
Child-like	Unaccountable

Grayed

Trait	Can Be
Meticulous	Over-analyze
Detail-Oriented	Avoidance
Conservative	Disengage

Blackened

Trait	Can Be
Fix-it mentality	Forceful
Resourceful	Resourceful to a fault
Honest	Abrupt

The examples of the “can be’s” will be helpful in our focus of obtaining more skills of healthy living and interacting. When we feel our self functioning in a “can be”, pause and step back into its positive and immediately move on. Don’t dwell on the “can be”, just recognize it and step away from it. It will get easier to recognize when you are going into the “can be” over time if you are continuously paying attention to it. Keeping a steady pace in this type of development leaves us with hope.

That leads us back to our focus. Stay focused one this 1,2,3 process and stay out of shame as we are navigating any time of year or season in our journey through this wonderful life. When we find ourselves feeling pressure, any type of pressure to perform, remember you have the basic human right to develop, to become better, to evolve and to your own process and journey. Don’t fall into the shame and comparison trap. I promise it will get you nowhere. Love your personality, celebrate others, and focus on where you want to end up. Have compassion for how you have gotten this far. I personally love the journey and I adore the human race.

And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

The Power of Self Discovery

Posted on October 22, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

In 2008 a man sat in a Human Art class. He was a well-established professional. Prior to the class he had always wanted to be like the popular quarterback type; bigger, muscular, and driven by that “fix it” mentality. This is a great goal if you are Blackened. The problem is, he isn’t Blackened, he is Saturated. He described himself as trying to be outdoorsy and trying to fit in that way.

After experiencing the class he made the statement, “I know who I am. I am Saturated. I don’t need to try to be Blackened anymore and I will no longer compare myself to that. I am not that and I will never be that.” The beauty in that is that he learned about being predominantly Saturated and he loved it. He related to it. He said, “I will no longer apologize for who I am.”

In another instance, in the early 1980’s a client came into Human Art and didn’t believe she was beautiful. She was Blackened but her husband was Saturated. She found him so attractive that she wanted to be that same form of attractiveness. When we taught her about the Blackened design combined with a little Grayed-a glaze of refinement overlaying that beautifully natural Blackened design that she was-she fell in love with herself in an authentic way. I will never forget her telling us with tears in her eyes about the first time embracing that personality she felt like the most beautiful women in the room. It was life changing.

Working a few years ago with a family that all had logical designs, one of the girls in the family was Whitened. she had some Saturation as well but you always noticed the Whitened in her interactions with others. She was engaging and enrolling. She had this childlike way of adding lightness to the room with her spontaneity. In this family structure she was ridiculed. Not by the other family members but on inside. She was cruel to herself and spent most of her time alone ridiculing herself for not being more logical and linear. When she learned the value of her personality traits and used them in a healthy way, without comparing, she began to shine. Her efficacy improved and most important she started settling into self-love.

Why do I bring these up? In today’s world we are in a battle. a battle of contention. It seems to be all around us. You channel surf on tv and you find it. You listen to conversations on social media, you will find it. Trying to navigate social issues, there it is. The great thing about humans is they are inherently good. They are decent. We just all want to find our worth and we will go to great lengths to find it.

The solution is to inner source that peace. We all want to find significance and it starts with finding our value for ourselves. We need to know ourselves and who we are to quiet our inner contention or struggle. We can then come from that place of security to turn to others and celebrate them and their design, which is probably different from ours.

So start with your own self esteem. Find things you value in yourself and evaluate the beauty of that particular trait. Settle that contention in our own self. Love who you are first, then go out and love others.

And remember everyone is a masterpiece.

-Brook