Category: Grayed

Opposites Attract: Celebrating the Differences (The Grayed Design)

Posted on April 30, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

Learning to appreciate the opposite attraction in all of our close relationships will enhance all aspects of those relationships, but it is our job to pay attention to it and to keep it in the proper perspective. To many times as humans we forget to look at that important opposite tension in our relationships, and instead of letting it do its job naturally and keep the relationship growing, I fear that sometimes we put it in the “annoyance” category and let it get in the way of growth. This has great potential to break down relationships without us even noticing that it is doing so. In some cases, we don’t notice it until it feels too late to do something about it.

I will tell you that it is never too late to do something about it if you value healthy relationships.

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We’ve already discussed this opposite tension with the Saturated, Whitened, and Blackened designs, so let’s talk this week about Grayed.

The Grayed design loves details and they love taking their time in relationships. It is part of the romance, no matter what stage of the relationship you are in. If you are on the front end and in the “getting to know each other” part of the relationship, you will notice that they love to take time and really evaluate the connection. At the same time though, they also are internalizing those connections and really enjoying them and living them as they do that analysis. If you find yourself in the “years later” part of a relationship, they have connected with you through your history and they are deeply loyal to that type of connection.

Grayed with Saturated People
Because of the fact that Grayed people love to take their time to analyze everything, the opposite clear-thinking aspect of a Saturated person is very attractive to a Grayed person. They admire their ability to sequence and move forward with competence in each decision. On the other hand, it can become a barrier to getting closer to the Grayed design because that can later come across as immovable and rigid to a Grayed person. They might take that initial admiration for precision and later see it as a reason to lose credibility with them and also with others.

Grayed with Whitened People
The Whitened design moves quickly and spontaneously, and to a Grayed person that is attractive because it feels free. They feel full of life and can even bring a Grayed person along and nudge them a little. It is very attractive to the Grayed design for an amount of time. It can, however, lose credibility when components of the relationship start to have a pattern of losing their conservatism and seem random to the Grayed person. It can be very threatening to the Grayed design’s way of life.

Grayed with Blackened People
The Blackened design is initially very attracted to the thoroughness and conservative nature of the Grayed design. They both love to mute anything too bright or dramatic, so the opposite attraction can seem very comfortable in the beginning, but if not navigated in a healthy way with healthy independence, both designs take completely different routes to getting their needs meet. That might make each design think that things are changing when it comes to the attraction, when they really are not. The Blackened will get busy trying to fix the problem, which might seem forceful to the Grayed design. That can also seem like a confrontation and Grayed people are very uncomfortable with confrontation. The more the Blackened person forces the issue, the more the Grayed tends to avoid the issue all together.

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Again, it is so important to navigate and collaborate from the position of the initial attraction, by remembering how important it was to us when we first met the person in our relationship. Letting people be free to express themselves in their authenticity is required in celebrating each other in opposite relationships.

And just as an interesting final note…we seem to have a habit of surrounding ourselves with our opposite designs, that’s just the way we tend to set up close relationships. That makes it even more important to remember and learn to navigate this important concept of “Opposites Attract.”

It is also equally important to remember that everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

Manufactured Self vs. Authentic Self: The Grayed Connection

Posted on March 19, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

Continuing our discussion of the manufactured vs. authentic self, this week we are talking about the Grayed design. If you missed the last two weeks, you can read about Saturated here, and Whitened here.

The Grayed authenticity is refined and meticulous. Someone who is high in the Grayed design or personality has an elaborate need for details. They are sensitive and empathetic. I often describe them as calm, but a calm that is felt and doesn’t need words to feel the effects brush over you. They will interact with others in a conservative manner that has an inquisitive engagement. They are introverted and understated, but the refined way in which they enter any interaction allows them to connect with others with ease and is introspective.

Let’s say that in interacting with others they get criticized for taking too much time to think about something. They get labeled as “too slow.” They then might reject that wonderful trait of being meticulous and replace it with a manufactured trait of responding quickly and compulsively. They then get more negative feedback that they are too sensitive, so they reject that trait and replace it with stern. It can go on and on. Criticized for being to inquisitive, they now replace it with the trait of free and non-structured so they do what they want. And instead of seen for their calmness they are labeled as tuned out and not paying attention, so it is replaced with loud and intrusive. They would do this for protection. They then might get criticized for being a mess. Now, instead of a beautiful Grayed authenticity, you have an egoic self that is a compulsive, stern, non-structured, loud, intrusive mess of an egoic self. It doesn’t make sense to those interacting with the beautiful Grayed person. It does not in any way validate the Grayed individual.

Finding our authenticity and learning our equation and experiencing life through it is the only way to find true joy and the peace we desire. We all have amounts of all four designs in our personality so we all have an amount of Grayed in us. We might have a lot or a little, it might just be enough to process through things. There are hidden strengths and traits when we use our Grayed, we just have to consider that same question we have been asking for weeks: ARE WE FUNCTIONING IN OUR AUTHENTICITY OR IN A PROJECTED, EGOIC, MANUFACTURED SELF OR A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH?

Use this week to notice how much of the Grayed design or authenticity you have in your design. To the degree you have Grayed is the degree that you find the Grayed traits you relate to and use them. Grow from them and see through that lens what character traits you find showing up. Carefully incorporate them into challenges and barriers you face and you will find connections that you never considered before. Then find someone else and connect with them. You will find more empathy and understanding for yourself and also for others. You deserve it, and others around you deserve it, because everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

New Year Goals by Design – Part 3 – Grayed

Posted on January 15, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

Just a quick note. Thank you so much for the positive response to this topic. I had messages from some of you saying they can’t wait for the Grayed and Blackened inner landscape tool. I appreciate those of you who expressed they are using the others and that it is helping. (If you haven’t read the first two articles, you can read them here: Part 1 – Saturated, Part 2 – Whitened) So let’s move right into the Grayed, and to all those who are anxious for the Blackened, I promise that is just a week away!

*Photo by Tirachard Kumtanom from Pexels*

The Grayed design craves connection, so the required inner landscape tool is engagement. The central focus of the Grayed design is navigating life through the details so these people can get caught up in the details and possibly find themselves overthinking their goals. This has the potential to get them in a place where they might over analyze the complexity of the goal and become overwhelmed. It is the overwhelmed feeling that leads to avoidance.

When you meet a Grayed person you can immediately notice and feel how engaged they are in the details of a process or a goal, so you might not think they need to learn how to be engaged. You are correct. They don’t always have a problem engaging, it is staying engaged when a problem arises. It is very tempting for them to avoid or put it off because they cannot line up the details.

When a Grayed person sets a New Year’s goal, they take a lot of time planning it out, writing down lists or plans and all of the components. They are good at seeing the, “what could be?” or “what might be?” (all the contingencies of the goal). That is the very part that can lead them into avoidance. If they perceive a confrontation, or that it might not work, that is what leads them to “put it on hold” or “put it off for another time.” This can lead to self-doubt and discouragement.

When a Grayed person comes into Human Art they often express that they feel stuck in avoidance but others perceive them as being stubborn. When we explain that this is more to do with an inner dialogue and a feeling of second guessing themselves, and immediately add the inner landscape tool of staying engaged in the process or the goal, we start to see them thrive. We teach them that part of engagement is to collaborate more; so more conversations need to happen, more questions asked for curiosity, and more describing what they feel to bring people along—then no confrontation is required. When they do that, we notice they start to engage again.

So the call to action this week is to engage, or stay engaged in bettering yourself. Don’t quit or avoid when it gets hard. Just enter the conversation, say something. Start somewhere and keep a steady rhythm of progress. It can be slow, just keep it steady. Create small steps and keep moving forward to keep you engaged in the process. Make lists, have conversations, stay in the moment, and remember:

Everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

READ OUR OTHER GOALS BY DESIGN POSTS!

Part 1 -Introduction and Saturated
Part 2 – Whitened
Part 4 – Blackened
Part 5 – Landscape Your Goals

“I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing in Perfect Harmony”

Posted on December 11, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

“I’d like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony.” I would like for myself to be able to sing in perfect harmony, but unfortunately, I cannot. What I can do is teach the world to SEE in perfect harmony.

Think of the state of the world right now. What are the things that you worry about? What are the issues that you disagree with others on? It seems as if lately we are all worried about some of these things? When those conversations come up (and they will) look even closer to the ones we love and how we interact with them when they do. Focus for a minute on what those conversations look like and how we go about them in our own families.

We see a lot of families over a week’s time at Human Art. They come in to Human Art in all sizes and forms. Each one is different and comes through the door with different challenges. I will say what I always say, “People are good.” Sometimes though, we can struggle in families. That is where I think we could focus.

That line again, “I’d like to teach the world to sing (or see) in perfect harmony.” When we hear it, whether it be from the song or in ads, it still rings the same in your heart. Just stop for a second and think of the intention of this statement: “in perfect harmony.” Harmony is not created by everyone singing the same notes together, but by everyone singing different notes that work beautifully together.

How do we obtain “perfect harmony” in a family?
We do it through acceptance and understanding.
Accepting and understanding for each individual.

You first have to accept their story, how they have gotten here so far in life. The facts, yes, but more importantly, how did they experience them?

Then you start the journey of understanding. You are curious and you use discovery. You don’t figure it out looking through your lens or filter, but you hear the story through the narration of what is happening through their lenses.

Each person will experience the same situation differently according to their design. I’ll say it again. You could experience the exact same thing, side by side, with exactly the same facts and, because of the difference in each design’s thought process, you will experience it completely different.

The Saturated Design
They will take all facts in, not processing as much as they are just absorbing. They just let them sit in that space in their brain until they get enough information to draw a conclusion and then it comes. A declaration. It will be precisely how they feel about the event and that will end up being their story. They will most likely stick to it pretty firmly.

The Whitened Design
They will take in how they, and more importantly how everyone else, is experiencing the facts. When they give their report it is most likely focused on the group and how each individual, “did this,” and, “then they saw that,” and they will throw in a, “and you should have seen so and so respond, it was amazing.” They will practically reenact the excitement (good or bad) so you get the full picture and they will always match the enthusiasm, or whatever emotion was present, of the event. They also will match the emotion of the person listening to the report.

The Grayed Design
You can almost see the swirls of facts in their expression, because they are collecting information as they experience an event. They immediately move to connecting the contingencies and their intuitive nature comes out. It is like their emotional engines are quietly starting up and through that intuitive nature they will experience the highs and lows of an event. That is how they can recall details so well. When asked, “what happened?” they go back and re-experience the emotion and it rekindles the memory.

The Blackened Design
They just move to fix. They can experience details of an event at the same time as their body moves to fix it. They are taking in the what, where, when, and the biggest component that helps them process any event, THE WHY. The why or why not is how they remember the details because it is the system in which they experienced the details. As they recite them they will often say, “that was good they did this,” or “I don’t know why they did that.” It is just the system in which it rolled out for them.

So as you are spending time with family or close ones that feel like family, think of their harmony or personality and accept their way of thinking. You don’t change yours, you just negotiate from those two ways of thinking. It’s like you are seeing one event from many different sides. I promise if we do this when we are interacting with our loved ones, we will start to see one little Christmas miracle after another pop up. Probably nothing huge, but the impact on the harmony in the relationships with be great.

So at this time of events and parties, sing (even if it’s not in perfect harmony), laugh, accept, and understand…The more we do this, the more we will begin to SEE in perfect harmony. Live and love, and remember:

everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

**Song referenced: “I’d like to teach the world to sing (in perfect harmony)”, originally recorded in 1971, with several versions published over the years.

Gift Giving: Do you Deck the Halls or say Bah, Humbug?

Posted on November 27, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

The minute Thanksgiving is over, before you can pause to take a breath, it seems as if we turn our attention to gifts. We make our list, we shop black Friday, and our attention is on what we are going to get those important people in our life for Christmas.

When carefully creating a list or a least a plan for gift giving, are you a “Deck the Halls” kind of person, or do you find yourself in more of a “Bah, Humbug” kind of mood in that moment? I find that whichever attitude best fits you for gift giving can significantly determine your attitude over the entire Christmas holiday season.

Most of these attitudes have to do with how confident we are in the gifts or gestures we are planning for our loved ones. We want them to know how we feel, and our gift or expression of giving is a

direct correlation to how that might be perceived from our loved one’s point of view. Sometimes we give the gift a lot of thought but it doesn’t seem to translate in that spirit all of the time.

Let us help you out. First, knowing the person’s personality or design is important when it comes to expressing our love to our loved ones. What is important to them and how we give it shows that we really pay attention and know what they like. At Human Art we call this our “Love Designs.” Here are some tips for each personality or harmony to make things a little easier for you this Christmas.

♥ For your Saturated loved ones:
Their love design is Wine and Dine. They love and appreciate when you set time or resources aside to really do something special. Listen to what that one most important thing for the season is. They will usually state in declarations, such as:
“If I could have one thing this year…”
“All I want for Christmas is…”
“I really don’t want anything except…”
When they say this, they mean it. They really don’t want a lot of little gestures.They would rather you save your resources to get what they deem important. It’s not the quantity, it’s the quality for them. And make it special. Punctuate the importance of whatever you are giving.

♥ For your Whitened loved ones:
Their love design is surprise, and social. Anticipate their needs. They love a lot of fun things and activities but it increases the magic when they can share it with those they love. The more the merrier. Listen and see what they do for others and turn it around and do it back for them. They love surprises with others there to experience it with them. If you could turn Christmas into a surprise party they would love it.

♥ For your Grayed loved ones:
their love design is romance through the details. They love the tradition of things. Connecting with others during the holidays is so important to them. Honor their traditions and romance all of the experiences through the details. Talk about it before hand, involve them in the details as you go, then connect with them after to see how they felt about it. It will go a long way and will create a Christmas to remember.

♥ For your Blackened loved ones:
Their love design is “get ‘er done.” They would love for you to get them something that can lighten their load. It is all about the tasks. Think of what has been on their list of things to fix for a while and then get them something to make that happen; make it easier with a tool, spend some time helping them do it, or give them the resources they need to do it. It will make for a merry one for all involved.

So as you are going down your list, also write a note to the side of each name that reminds you of their design and think more of their love design rather than just buying them something just to have gotten them something. It will lead to a “Deck the Halls” kind of Christmas and you will experience more excitement than they do as you really communicate with their design.

Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

For a downloadable love designs reference guide, become a member of the Human Art Classroom

→ Related Post: Valentine Validation: The Love Designs