Tag: understanding

Healthy Collaboration by Design

Posted on February 27, 2020May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

At Human Art we like to spend time on the skill of learning how to collaborate in healthy ways. There are a handful of tools that can lead to this very thing; but having the discipline to stay in it is a little harder to navigate.

In our quick fix and instant information world (that can be a blessing and a curse), we sometimes let that discipline slip and we move to something else that will lead to immediate soothing, rather than relying on the good old-fashioned hard work of staying in a conversation with another human until we get to a healthy place with each other.

To add to the sometimes slow pace of working on healthy collaborations, each design has a different way they prefer to collaborate. In other words, what seems healthy to one person might not be preferred to the other person in a conversation. It would do us all good to slow down and take into consideration each design and what is important to their form of communications.

You will notice that if you are not paying attention to the thought process and design preference of the other person or persons that you engage with in a collaboration, the exchanges become more and more frustrating and less and less productive as the conversation goes on. If you notice some “can be’s” showing up, you will know that you have gotten off track.

Here is a simple guide to recognize if we’re off track:

⇒When talking to a predominantly Saturated person and they suddenly appear distant or aloof…you have most likely gotten off track.

⇒ When talking to a predominantly Grayed person and they suddenly appear avoidant…you have most likely gotten off track.

⇒ When talking to a predominantly Whitened person and they suddenly appear random or obnoxious… again, you’re probably off track.

⇒ When talking to a predominantly Blackened person and they suddenly appear overly sarcastic and sometimes even mocking…probably off track.

As you go through the next few weeks, make an effort to bring healthy collaborations back into your social interactions. Look for signs that the conversation could be off track and move to curiosity and deeper understanding of the person or persons you are communication with (and ideally, they are doing the same for you).

It will be worth your while—you’re worth it and so are your relationships. And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

-Brook

For more about the topic of working to understand the other person’s design, read our related posts below!

Put it on a Shelf: See Things from the Other Perspective
Celebrate Others: Step Out of Your Design
Listen Like You’re Watching a You Tube Video

“I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing in Perfect Harmony”

Posted on December 11, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

“I’d like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony.” I would like for myself to be able to sing in perfect harmony, but unfortunately, I cannot. What I can do is teach the world to SEE in perfect harmony.

Think of the state of the world right now. What are the things that you worry about? What are the issues that you disagree with others on? It seems as if lately we are all worried about some of these things? When those conversations come up (and they will) look even closer to the ones we love and how we interact with them when they do. Focus for a minute on what those conversations look like and how we go about them in our own families.

We see a lot of families over a week’s time at Human Art. They come in to Human Art in all sizes and forms. Each one is different and comes through the door with different challenges. I will say what I always say, “People are good.” Sometimes though, we can struggle in families. That is where I think we could focus.

That line again, “I’d like to teach the world to sing (or see) in perfect harmony.” When we hear it, whether it be from the song or in ads, it still rings the same in your heart. Just stop for a second and think of the intention of this statement: “in perfect harmony.” Harmony is not created by everyone singing the same notes together, but by everyone singing different notes that work beautifully together.

How do we obtain “perfect harmony” in a family?
We do it through acceptance and understanding.
Accepting and understanding for each individual.

You first have to accept their story, how they have gotten here so far in life. The facts, yes, but more importantly, how did they experience them?

Then you start the journey of understanding. You are curious and you use discovery. You don’t figure it out looking through your lens or filter, but you hear the story through the narration of what is happening through their lenses.

Each person will experience the same situation differently according to their design. I’ll say it again. You could experience the exact same thing, side by side, with exactly the same facts and, because of the difference in each design’s thought process, you will experience it completely different.

The Saturated Design
They will take all facts in, not processing as much as they are just absorbing. They just let them sit in that space in their brain until they get enough information to draw a conclusion and then it comes. A declaration. It will be precisely how they feel about the event and that will end up being their story. They will most likely stick to it pretty firmly.

The Whitened Design
They will take in how they, and more importantly how everyone else, is experiencing the facts. When they give their report it is most likely focused on the group and how each individual, “did this,” and, “then they saw that,” and they will throw in a, “and you should have seen so and so respond, it was amazing.” They will practically reenact the excitement (good or bad) so you get the full picture and they will always match the enthusiasm, or whatever emotion was present, of the event. They also will match the emotion of the person listening to the report.

The Grayed Design
You can almost see the swirls of facts in their expression, because they are collecting information as they experience an event. They immediately move to connecting the contingencies and their intuitive nature comes out. It is like their emotional engines are quietly starting up and through that intuitive nature they will experience the highs and lows of an event. That is how they can recall details so well. When asked, “what happened?” they go back and re-experience the emotion and it rekindles the memory.

The Blackened Design
They just move to fix. They can experience details of an event at the same time as their body moves to fix it. They are taking in the what, where, when, and the biggest component that helps them process any event, THE WHY. The why or why not is how they remember the details because it is the system in which they experienced the details. As they recite them they will often say, “that was good they did this,” or “I don’t know why they did that.” It is just the system in which it rolled out for them.

So as you are spending time with family or close ones that feel like family, think of their harmony or personality and accept their way of thinking. You don’t change yours, you just negotiate from those two ways of thinking. It’s like you are seeing one event from many different sides. I promise if we do this when we are interacting with our loved ones, we will start to see one little Christmas miracle after another pop up. Probably nothing huge, but the impact on the harmony in the relationships with be great.

So at this time of events and parties, sing (even if it’s not in perfect harmony), laugh, accept, and understand…The more we do this, the more we will begin to SEE in perfect harmony. Live and love, and remember:

everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

**Song referenced: “I’d like to teach the world to sing (in perfect harmony)”, originally recorded in 1971, with several versions published over the years.

Put it on a Shelf: See Things from the Other Perspective

Posted on July 2, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

“It’s so hard to talk to someone and really try to understand their perspective without running it through the filter of my own design,” someone said to me. In fact, I have heard this several times this week from clients at Human Art. I hear it often. I think this is one of the greatest challenges when trying to collaborate with someone. Our own thought process works so well for us as individuals it is easy to think that is how others should think too.

I believe that each of us puts forth our best effort when we are trying to understand another perspective, we just too often try to take their point of view while still having one foot planted firmly in our own way of thinking. It tends to feel like quite an emotional tug. It’s as if we are saying, “I really want to see your view but I’m still looking through my lens.”

*(Photo Source: photoauris / 123RF Stock Photo)*

The best way to collaborate is to completely put your view on the shelf while you are trying to see someone else’s view. When I say put your view on the shelf, I mean completely; with all of your opinions, emotions and the type of thinking that you do with your design. For example, if you are Saturated and you are talking to someone really Grayed. Try and think of it as if you were that Grayed person. As if you were very detail-oriented instead if your usual focus of being precise. It’s role playing at its best.

I remember when I was younger learning how to do personality profiles. I would concentrate on literally putting my design aside as if I was putting it on a shelf for later, and imagining the experience form the other person’s design. It didn’t come easily at first, I had to practice this; but with time it just became automatic.

What if we all practiced this? With our families, with people at work, in our communities. How many times a week do you find yourself saying, “What were they thinking?” Well how about going one step further and answering that. Answering from their point of view or design, not our own.

So I declare it (with absolutely no authority to do so, just one single human) National “Put it on a Shelf Week!!!” Try it for 7 days. Notice how relationships start to change. Use your discovery and curiosity. Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook