Tag: perspective

Thanksgiving: Who’s Coming to Dinner?

Posted on by Brook Thornley

As we approach the holiday season, we often have fond dreams of holidays past and we have an ideal in mind to connect and have joy in our closest relationships. Sometimes in our reminiscence, we bring out the tenseness and awkwardness in some of our relationships. In other words, sometimes we are outright afraid of what might “go down” during the holiday events.

This brings me to the question, “Who is coming to dinner?” For those of you who understand Human Art theory, this is a wonderful time to be mindfully curious about the different needs of each design and how to meet them where they are at this holiday season.

Photo Source: 123rf.com

While you are sitting around the table and catching up this year, try to take another design’s perspective and tailor the conversation to their central focus.

For example, if I am sitting across the table from a Saturated person, a wise thing to remember is that they are quality driven. The quality is established through their focus on the “one most important thing” for the holiday season. If you really want to connect with them and get their attention, ask them what is their most important thing for this particular season. It would leave an impression on them that you care about their priority for the event. Try not to worry about figuring out their one most important thing, just ask. This will increase their social engagement and increase their comfort and validation. It will decrease any aloofness that might be present which will make the interactions less awkward.

Now, what if you were sitting next to your Whitened family or friend? This year try to engage them instead of waiting for them to entreat you. It is a gift to them to seek them out and enthusiastically engage them with an enrolling question. You can banter with them but most importantly they want to be noticed and see that you have anticipated their needs. You will always be successful with a Whitened person if you can focus on the celebration and notice something personal such as a birthday, a favorite present, or a favorite memory from a past holiday.

Next, if you know someone Grayed will be coming to dinner, romance the connection of the holidays through small details. For example, we know the Grayed person doesn’t like abrupt starts and stops. Approaching the dinner table at the beginning and leaving the table at the end is the most awkward time for the Grayed person. They worry about having direct attention on them when they want to blend and connect. A few days before start connecting in small ways with the Grayed people you know who are coming. Ease them in by sending a text noting that you look forward to seeing them. “I will talk to you when you get here.” When they are leaving, make that transition more smoothly. You can walk them to the door and comment about when you will be together again. It’s like you are starting your own personal tradition with them.

Finally, if there is a Blackened person anywhere in the room, you will find them engaged in a task. They may be fixing the lights, taking the garbage out, or finishing cement in the backyard. Just jump in the task and experience it with them. Don’t question the timing of the task or misread their version of celebrating. To them, the task is celebrating. That is their gift to you. Be sure to appreciate their tasks.

If we pay attention to the central focus of each member’s design, your dreams for a rich family experience will materialize. You would be surprised how many times people get missed. They might not show up because they are invalidated or not noticed. In our Family Reunion Service, we go in and demonstrate how these dynamics play out each and every day, month after month. As we highlight each member’s design, the other family members become aware of how to meet each other’s needs.

So, who is coming to dinner? Who has already RSVP’d? Start now by planning to take their perspective and possess the dream of a joyful holiday season.

And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook and Rod

Put it on a Shelf: See Things from the Other Perspective

Posted on by Brook Thornley

“It’s so hard to talk to someone and really try to understand their perspective without running it through the filter of my own design,” someone said to me. In fact, I have heard this several times this week from clients at Human Art. I hear it often. I think this is one of the greatest challenges when trying to collaborate with someone. Our own thought process works so well for us as individuals it is easy to think that is how others should think too.

I believe that each of us puts forth our best effort when we are trying to understand another perspective, we just too often try to take their point of view while still having one foot planted firmly in our own way of thinking. It tends to feel like quite an emotional tug. It’s as if we are saying, “I really want to see your view but I’m still looking through my lens.”

(Photo Source: photoauris / 123RF Stock Photo)

The best way to collaborate is to completely put your view on the shelf while you are trying to see someone else’s view. When I say put your view on the shelf, I mean completely; with all of your opinions, emotions and the type of thinking that you do with your design. For example, if you are Saturated and you are talking to someone really Grayed. Try and think of it as if you were that Grayed person. As if you were very detail-oriented instead if your usual focus of being precise. It’s role playing at its best.

I remember when I was younger learning how to do personality profiles. I would concentrate on literally putting my design aside as if I was putting it on a shelf for later, and imagining the experience form the other person’s design. It didn’t come easily at first, I had to practice this; but with time it just became automatic.

What if we all practiced this? With our families, with people at work, in our communities. How many times a week do you find yourself saying, “What were they thinking?” Well how about going one step further and answering that. Answering from their point of view or design, not our own.

So I declare it (with absolutely no authority to do so, just one single human) National “Put it on a Shelf Week!!!”  Try it for 7 days. Notice how relationships start to change. Use your discovery and curiosity. Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook