Category: The 4 Designs

“Who Are You…Really?” Getting ME Back

Posted on June 25, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

There are many strategies that we as humans use to try and determine whether we can trust someone or not. One of the most common that I have heard about is deciding if people are kind and consistent. Another great way to determine if you can trust someone is if they are authentic. If they are not, it doesn’t always mean they have ill will intended for you, it could just mean they are insecure. Regardless of the reason, it is just a good way to know whether or not you can trust someone, especially with your own vulnerabilities.

If someone is not authentic and is trying to project a self that is not really them, it can mean that they don’t even trust themselves. If this is the case, they might not be a great candidate for someone to confide in or draw close to you. A manufactured self cannot generate anything because they are not a real self, just a projected version of who that person wants you to believe they are.

If you find yourself in a place where you are the one projecting something that you are not, it might be time to ask yourself, “who am I?” and start the process of getting your true self back.

We all seem to experience trials to some degree and, as we have discussed in the past few weeks, that puts us in a position to lose a little or a lot of who we really are. It is at this point we need to do an about face and run right back to who we really are authentically.

*Photo Source: Pexels (text added by Human Art)*

The first step to that is take a trip down memory lane and think about those things that were important to you when you were very young. Children usually don’t have an agenda to impress, they just seem to love to explore, and it seems natural to them to be curious. If you look back to when you were young you will find clues about how you were made, your design, and personality, and what you were beginning to value.

Second, think of your hopes and dreams. What are the things that bring meaning to you and your life? Spend time focusing on and discussing these with safe people around you. It will keep the focus on those things and can create a passion to see them out.

Third, assess regrets. Ask yourself what you regret not doing and, if it is healthy, make a plan to do it or have a do over. Find a way in your situation to slowly incorporate changes in some way to eliminate regret and move forward.

Lastly, remember that your design is unique and you are made completely different than anyone else. However, each design has a few different regrets in common, so it might be a helpful start to evaluate where you want to begin your journey in getting back to who you are authentically.

SATURATED
They love order, so any regrets usually have to do with not having the discipline to create the order around them that they need. They also love appropriateness or dignity so anytime they step off that kind of integrity, it eats at them. If that is the case, it is a good idea to have the healthy conversations needed to set the record straight as to what is really important to them and what they value.

WHITENED
They love enrolling, so when they have had situations where they have left someone out it eats at them. If this is the case, to make it right they either need to go back and make that person feel a part of things or, if that is not possible or unhealthy, just learn from it and correct that dynamic in future interactions. Make sure that same mistake is not repeated. Whitened people also love change, so if you find yourself relating to this and you are not creating the spontaneity in your life that leads to healthy growth, create it. Don’t wait for others to do it, you do it for yourself and enjoy all those that are willing to experience it with you.

GRAYED
They value tradition and thread relationships, so when a tradition gets cut off or a thread relationship in your life has been cut off, this can eat at them. If this is the case, bring back those old important traditions and create them again in a way that is meaningful to you. It might not be exactly the same and with the exact same people, but find components of the tradition that are fulfilling and bring them into the start of a new tradition, be the guard of it, and make sure it happens from now on. Take ownership of it. If relationships have been cut off and they are good healthy relationships, reach out. It doesn’t have to be much. Just a, “hello how are you?” to start that connection again.

BLACKENED
They value tasks and being able to fix it. If they have regrets it usually has to do with not mending or fixing something. If it is healthy and good for everyone around, then take the time to go back and fix what you missed. If it is not healthy, change the expectation of the fix and create a new compartment int your brain for “fixing is not fixing.” It is being able to label it “let it go” or not worth it.” Don’t save unhealthy things as something to fix or check off, just re-label them as not fixable and then you can move on. Take it off the list of things to fix.

These might not be representative of the whole journey of getting your authentic self back, but they are a great place to start evaluating what needs to happen in order to get your authenticity back or make it stronger. You are worth it, and it is a matter of telling those around you that they can trust you because you are honest about who you are.

Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

Getting Our Authentic Self Back After Trauma – The Grayed and Blackened Designs

Posted on June 18, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

We talked last week about how trauma, big or small, can take away our authenticity. It is in those small traumas that occur over time that we are at risk of forgetting who we are and losing our sense of self and self-love. It leads us to give up a little confidence in our self each time we experience self-doubt because of a trauma. Remember, a trauma is anything life changing or that changes life as it was. Someone treating you harshly or really inflicting pain in any way can be considered traumatic and has potential to hit our authenticity. As a personality profiler, it is important to me that if you have experienced this on any level, run as fast as you can back to you authentic self.

When I am picking colors for any project, I consider which ones I will use based on what communication is needed. Last week I talked about how the Saturated and Whitened colors both need to shine; this week let’s talk about Grayed and Blackened.

If the colors selected are Grayed or Blackened, one component that needs to be present, no matter what color it is, is that both these designs relate better to the communication if they are matte. It is common in both designs that the communication is a little more understated. They like things more organic.

It is the same when these types of people are relating to others. Part of experiencing trauma is so much light and attention is shining on the person in a trauma, and just that fact alone can be even more traumatic. When someone in this design gets criticized for wanting to navigate the consequences of the experience in a more understated way, it can lead to extreme behavior in an attempt to protect themselves and get out of the spotlight. This can become a safety strategy over time.

Getting your authenticity back after a trauma
We had a client that experienced this. This client was desperate to find employment but had been treated harshly in past employment. The effects on this client were pretty damaging and in an attempt to keep it in a quiet place they just quietly and without any disruption left and looked for another job. The problem is that part of the criticism from the former boss led them to not trust anyone. In the interviews for each job, the minute the interviewer would ask questions about how they put themselves out there it created fear in our client. In an attempt to combat that fear, they would shut down and malfunction. Needless to say, the job hunting wasn’t going well for a while.

It is important to remember that the Grayed loves things matte and organic but in a refined way. Things that are understated but have been put through a process to make them even more desirable and legitimate. It is the same with the Grayed person. They love to be conservative but in their authenticity it still should be processed and analyzed in calm ways to make things more desirable. More desirable results equals more desirable conversations. The depth of things is where the Grayed design does its best work. Getting in and looking at all contingencies. That is the way back to authenticity.

It is also important to remember that the Blackened design loves thing matte and organic but in an earthy way. Just the way it is and was created. It is what it is. So the understated nature of the Blackened is the “no fuss” part of being in a conversation, or a dynamic, almost always as part of a task. That is the way back to the Blackened authenticity.

Being understated, conservative, or matte is so beautiful, and is a great way to navigate your way back from trauma. Find those things around you that make you feel safe in this form of authenticity. The road back to that place is filled with a collection of understated quiet conversations, calm interactions, and natural and organic experiences. To get there, find someone or something that will fulfill those needs. If they don’t relate to that design its ok, just find someone who will support it and celebrate it. Engage and put effort into things. It’s okay to pace it. Be matte and go deep into things. It is a beautiful way to find the romance and creation of your life.

And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

Getting Our Sense of Self Back – The Saturated and Whitened Shine

Posted on June 11, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

As we go through our life in the day to day activities and tasks, we can experience trauma at any time. It can be quite dramatic sometimes, but for the most part we all experience trauma on the lighter end of the spectrum in our day to day routine. For this reason, we don’t always recognize it, and we also don’t recognize that that is what leads to a slight drop in sense of self. Little by little these hits can add up and create a crisis in our sense of self, who we really are, and our self-love.

We had a woman at Human Art experience this dynamic. She grew up in a family who loved her and met her physical needs quite well. Emotionally however, there was a family script that went back for generations that was full of rules and led to a great amount of perfection and harshness. It’s just all her family knew, and they were doing the best that they could. They managed to get through her upbringing, but she noticed as an adult she struggled with relationships and bonding. It led her to reach out and ask us for help. She realized that over time she had lost who she was and what her authenticity even looked like. We educated her on the fact that this was an example of one of these “small” traumas that had the potential to take her away from who she really was. Every time someone treated her with any level of perceived harshness it put her in a place of fear and she would flip into survival mode. Not a great place to try and relate or bond with people.

Many of us find ourselves in a similar situation, no matter the underlying reason, where we have lost our authentic self and let fear rule. So let’s talk about how we use our personality or authenticity (however much we have of it at any given time) to get our sense of self back. It is important to use the traits that are in our design to find our way back to who we really are so we can relate to others and bond with them in that authentic way.

The Saturated and Whitened Authenticity

One thing that the Saturated and Whitened designs have in common is, when we look at the colors that they both relate to, no matter what the color is it is always better when it has a shine added to it. Both designs relate to it. When it comes to interacting and relating with others, it is the very same. Both of these designs like to shine.

A Saturated person wants to shine through quality. If they are assigned to any task or project they themselves don’t want to have the attention on themselves, they want the quality of what they are engaged in to shine. It is a communication of sorts, to let people know that it is credible.

The Whitened design likes to shine in the fact that they are enrolling others. They love to draw attention to anything that will show something is enrolling or fun to bring people together.

In either design, they love to shine. When trauma happens, no matter how small, it takes them out of their ability to shine, and just the fact that someone or something is dulling them down can be traumatic for their sense of self and self-love.

The road back for these two designs is to continue, or maybe even try again, to shine. Whether it be in small or big ways, it is important to start. You could shine in a conversation or a small task, you could shine in a talent or a project. Just shine. It will jump start you back to your authenticity and a sense of self in the way that you relate to it.

This week encourage anyone that has Whitened or Saturated designs to shine. Whether it be yourself or someone you know, it is the week of those who love to shine. It will be helpful to all.

And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

Design Inner Conflict: The Blackened Design

Posted on May 29, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

Navigating and learning to settle our inner conflict is important because it dictates how we solve problems and interact with others. Often, we are not aware of how much our inner conflict gets externalized onto others. Understanding what is going on within ourselves will help us to appropriately navigate those conflicts so we can be successful with ourselves as well as with others.

We’ve already covered what inner conflicts might look like for the Saturated, Whitened, and Grayed designs, so let’s finish off this series by talking about the Blackened.

The Blackened personality likes to line up their boxes each day so they can be efficient with their time. Each box becomes a task and a strong expectation. For example, two boxes may have the same priority at the same time. It is difficult for the Blackened to figure out which one is the most important. Logically, it is hard to bump one of the priorities to second place. This produces a lot of strong emotion. Again, this emotion can get displaced onto others.

Blackened with an Influence of Saturated
If you have a person who is Blackened first with a strong Saturated second, the inner conflict will be over when to move out to do a task. The Blackened is already moving to fix it but the Saturated wants to wait until the task can be done in a quality way. It is not a “start-stop” as much as it looks like a stop. The Saturated stops it but the Blackened is trying to low-key get done what it can while the Saturated is figuring out the quality standard.

Blackened with an Influence of Whitened
If you have a person who is primary Blackened with a strong Whitened second, the inner conflict can be intense. The Blackened’s goal is to get things done. The Whitened is fine with that but it wants to bring people along and socialize it. The Blackened wants people to be working and the Whitened wants to make sure that people are having fun. The inner conflict is, “do I value their work ethic, or do I value how much fun they are having?” It sounds like, “He is a lot of fun but he is not a hard worker,” or “He is a hard worker but he is not fun to be around.”

Blackened with an Influence of Grayed
If you have a Blackened person with a strong Grayed second, the inner conflict is avoidance, because the Grayed part dictates whether the job gets done or not. The Blackened knows immediately what needs to be done. The grayed needs to get the details of the job. If the Grayed cannot get the right details, it goes into avoidance mode. The Blackened criticizes the Grayed for not having the strength to just get it done.

If you have any Blackened in your personality, you will relate to these inner conflicts. A good skill is to put a few “flexibility boxes” into your day and use them to connect with people. The likelihood of all of your boxes happening the way you think they should is a lot lower than you anticipate. So those flexibility boxes create a space for the secondary designs to meet needs.

Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

-Brook

Design Inner Conflict: The Grayed Design

Posted on May 21, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

When we think of our own inner conflicts, it is interesting that often we feel the pull of the inner conflicts of our designs, but were never sure what it was or why. It is usually a relief to put a name or explanation on that dynamic. It really does benefit us to get familiar with our own conflicts. When we take the time to evaluate and understand our inner conflicts and the unique dynamics of how they work, it helps us become healthier. When we are dealing with them they have a way of making us feel crazy—it is literally like we are at war with ourselves—so if we can properly navigate them we can rise to a higher level of relating to others and also find a greater sense of self.

We’ve talked about what those conflicts look like for dominantly Saturated and Whitened people, let’s talk this week about the Grayed design.

The Grayed Inner Conflicts
The Grayed central focus is summed up in one word: meticulous. The details are so important, and they are the groundwork of any conversation, dynamic, task or interaction of any kind. If the Grayed person can’t get the details they need and the time to process or research those details, it has the potential to freeze them. They could then move straight to avoidance. If they do get the details they need, it moves them forward and provides meaning to whatever it is they are navigating.

Grayed with an Influence of Saturated
When a Grayed person has a strong Saturated secondary design, the inner conflict usually shows up in the thought process or the planning stages. Because both designs are introverted, most of the time this war goes on inside but it carries the fight through the entire day. The Grayed part of the thought process wants all the details and can spin round and round basting in the contingencies, where the Saturated part wants a declaration or conclusion right now. The “war” sounds like, “I want to think this through, but I need to make a decision.” As another example, when it comes to money the Grayed loves saving, but the Saturated loves buying a quality piece. Once the purchase is made the Grayed can’t wait to save again.

Grayed with an Influence of Whitened
When you have a person who is high in Grayed with a strong secondary Whitened design, the war is between the conservative nature of the Grayed and the celebrative nature of the Whitened. In any type of interaction, the Grayed wants to keep it understated and within limits, and will err on the cautious side. The Whitened however, wants to emphasize the spontaneity and anticipate the other’s needs so they will err on side of the “wow factor.” As a result, when faced with a big event they may not know where to land.

Grayed with an Influence of Blackened
When you have a person who is predominantly Grayed with a high Blackened secondary, the rub is in the fact that the Grayed wants to think about it and the Blackened just wants to do it. Often times it has a “start and halt, start and halt” pattern. It can look like malfunctioning because of the start-stop sequence. It’s like the Grayed is saying, “Can we talk about this?”

Whatever the conflict is, if you have a predominant Grayed design, my advice is to engage and stay engaged because you can think about it along the way. If you are engaged, you can always take a moment to think or process or ask a question, or even just listen. The worst thing a Grayed person can do is shut down and avoid. If you can stay engaged, your interactions will be more rewarding and your conversations will have more depth.

Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

-Brook