Category: Whitened

Opposites Attract: Celebrating the Differences (The Whitened Design)

Posted on April 16, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

“Why doesn’t my mom fix the disposal instead of putting polka dots on the cake?”

“Why don’t I love and admire my spouse like I did when we first met?”

“I used to criticize my daughter because she is so opposite of me. Through Human Art I am back to appreciating who she is and how she is made.”

These are all statements that I have heard about the Whitened design from the other designs and personalities.

One of the most important things that come out of being willing to recognize how important it is to have opposite dynamics in our close relationships, is a chance for us to grow. If we were all the same design it would be too easy. We would all agree all the time; there would be no need to compromise or negotiate. I do admit there are moments that we wish we were the same, but having opposites gives us the opportunity to take someone else’s perspective. It enhances our individual relationships, our family relationships, and our community relationships.

It is impossible to have empathy if you do not have the ability to take someone else’s perspective. Without taking someone else’s perspective it is also difficult to validate. Taking time to really slow down, to be curious about the opposite dynamics or central focus in all of the relationships in our life, is critical to strong relationships.

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When it comes to the Whitened design, some things that are important to know about them in relationships is that they are socially driven and they love to enroll in a spontaneous way. They have no guile, so when someone criticizes them without empathy, they don’t even relate to that and the criticism feels hurtful. They also love to anticipate the needs of others. The Whitened person is quick to surrender their perspective to the other designs’, but with a cost. They will walk away with resentment, and their version of pushing back is to shut down the relationship.

So let’s talk a little about the dynamics of the Whitened design with the other three:

Whitened with Saturated People
The Saturated person is quality driven and focused on their sequencing and is driven by that agenda, so when the Whitened person starts to feel that inflexibility, the Saturated person in the relationship starts to lose credibility with them. The Saturated person usually feels this, so in an attempt to gain control of the situation they become more strict with trying to restore order and that has great potential to come across as rigid to the Whitened personality.

Whitened with Grayed People
The Grayed personality is driven by attention to the details. They are connectors, and they do not like change without thoroughly thinking through the possibilities and contingencies. The Whitened person moves so quickly and has a great deal of flexibility, so taking time to think things through can sometimes frustrate the Whitened personality. They want to move with spontaneity and see where things take them, so they might view the Grayed person as stalling or being too conservative.

Whitened with Blackened People
The Blackened personality just wants to get things done, they focus on the fix. They are direct and honest to help protect. The Whitened personality, however, can see this as stepping over the feelings of those in the relationship and then they don’t want “the fix” because they believe it was at the cost of the relationship. The Blackened could see too many feelings as dramatic whereas feelings are key to the Whitened who sees them as the foundation of relationships.

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The important part of all these dynamics, again, is curiosity—being curious about the differences and accepting them, then negotiating from that place. When we love our own authenticity but also create space in our thinking for the authenticity of others’, we are strengthening our capacity to love those in our life with opposite designs and have richer interactions and deeper connections.

So this week dive deeper into our important relationships, and instead of comparing them to ourselves and criticizing them, think of life through their lens. If we are confused when we try to do that, just clarify with them; ask questions and get to know them better. They will love that and you will get to know them better and love them more. It will work, I promise, because everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

Manufactured Self vs. Authentic Self: The Whitened Difference

Posted on March 11, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

Last week we introduced the topic of the manufactured self vs. the authentic self, and how that manufactured self might be created. We also talked about what that difference might look like for a Saturated person. This week, we are going to talk about the way a Whitened person might create a manufactured self.

The Whitened authenticity is youthful and spontaneous. Someone who is high in the Whitened design has a high need for social interactions and fun in their life. They are enrolling and I describe them often as someone with no guile. They will interact with others with no agenda. Just a pure innocence that is designed to make others happy and light-hearted. They are extroverted so most of their thought process is done on the outside. They are active but at the same time can absorb information at a high rate; they can also remember it and recall it when needed. Those traits are all authentic and they all make sense when interacting with someone that is high in the Whitened design.

Let’s say that they get criticized for interacting with someone in such a non-structured way. They might get told that they need to take things more seriously. They then might reject that Whitened trait and take on a manufactured trait of disqualifying people and relationships quickly and not interacting with others as much. They would do this for protection. Then another person might come along and give them negative attention for being so active or enrolling. There again they reject that quality and maybe put in a controlling trait as part of their manufactured self to again protect them from getting more negative feedback. It keeps going. They reject their innocence and become overly direct. They trade their light-heartedness for quiet, still and isolated. Now, instead of that beautiful Whitened authenticity, you have an egoic self that is too quickly disqualifying, controlling, overly direct, still too quiet, and isolated. To top it off they then get more criticism that they are not fun anymore. It creates confusion when interacting with the beautiful Whitened person. It does not in any way validate the Whitened person.

Finding our true authentic equation and experiencing life through it is the only way to find true joy. As I have mentioned before, we have all four designs so we all have some Whitened in our authentic equations. As we keep moving through life we need to find how much. It is a great way to put us in a state of play and we all experience optimal learning when we are in a state of play. There is hidden strength and amounts of character that can be developed when we use our authentic lens to start that journey. We just have to ask that same question again: ARE WE FUNCTIONING IN OUR AUTHENTICITY OR IN A PROJECTED, EGOIC, MANUFACTURED SELF? OR A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH?

Use this week to notice how much of the Whitened authenticity you have in your design. Is it a little, medium amount, or a lot? To the degree you have it, find the Whitened traits that you relate to and use them. Use them to play, use them to learn, use them to celebrate and teach others. Jump into it this week, grab someone’s hand and bring them with you. You deserve it, they deserve it. and remember everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

New Year Goals by Design – Part 2 – Whitened

Posted on January 7, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

This week we are continuing our series on goal-setting by design and inner landscapes by talking about the Whitened design. If you missed last week’s post explaining this topic and teaching about the Saturated design, click here to read it.

The Whitened design craves healthy social interaction, so the inner landscape tool that is required is the ability to qualify and disqualify in a healthy way. The central focus of the Whitened design is social and change, and they have a great ability to enroll others. Because of this trait they tend to be very trusting and want to enroll everyone. Therefore, the inner landscape tool of being able to qualify what is healthy or who is healthy is an absolute must.

The need for this skill can seem confusing to a Whitened person because of the fact that the amount of Whitened they have is the degree of that “no guile or agenda” of their personality that they have. Because of that fact, they might feel like they are being inconsiderate, judgmental, or mean if they have to qualify someone or something. This is the very reason they take a long time to disqualify someone or something—they will hang in there longer than others. The ability to qualify someone or thing is an intermediate judgment and helps us evaluate if someone or something is healthy for us. It is not a final judgment on a person, event, or thing—we usually don’t have enough information for that—but we can quickly assess in an intermediate judgment if something is healthy for us if we use our ability to qualify or disqualify.

If you talk to a Whitened person, you will quickly see that they do have the ability to qualify but it is usually in things to do or places that might be interactive, or even how to make someone happy. The real work is in learning to disqualify unhealthy people or things in their life because they want to give it a chance. But learning to set boundaries for a Whitened person, or protecting their agenda at the same time they are being kind, will always lead them to a strong inner landscape, good relationships and the ability to set goals and stick to them.

We see this all of the time at Human Art. When a Whitened person comes in they are usually kind. When they add the inner landscape tool of qualifying and disqualifying in a healthy way they thrive and quickly become kind but with boundaries to keep themselves safe. They are considerate and accommodating, but quickly it becomes based on correct principles and not strong emotion or over pleasing.

I hope last week’s call to action helped you in your week. The call to action this week is to strengthen the Whitened inner landscape tool in you. To the degree you related to the Whitened design or personality, is the degree you need to improve this skill. Whether it is a little or a lot any improvement will lead to success when setting goals.

Good luck again this week, keep at it, and remember:

Everyone is a masterpiece.

-Brook

READ OUR OTHER GOALS BY DESIGN POSTS!

Part 1 -Introduction and Saturated
Part 3 – Grayed
Part 4 – Blackened
Part 5 – Landscape Your Goals

“I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing in Perfect Harmony”

Posted on December 11, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

“I’d like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony.” I would like for myself to be able to sing in perfect harmony, but unfortunately, I cannot. What I can do is teach the world to SEE in perfect harmony.

Think of the state of the world right now. What are the things that you worry about? What are the issues that you disagree with others on? It seems as if lately we are all worried about some of these things? When those conversations come up (and they will) look even closer to the ones we love and how we interact with them when they do. Focus for a minute on what those conversations look like and how we go about them in our own families.

We see a lot of families over a week’s time at Human Art. They come in to Human Art in all sizes and forms. Each one is different and comes through the door with different challenges. I will say what I always say, “People are good.” Sometimes though, we can struggle in families. That is where I think we could focus.

That line again, “I’d like to teach the world to sing (or see) in perfect harmony.” When we hear it, whether it be from the song or in ads, it still rings the same in your heart. Just stop for a second and think of the intention of this statement: “in perfect harmony.” Harmony is not created by everyone singing the same notes together, but by everyone singing different notes that work beautifully together.

How do we obtain “perfect harmony” in a family?
We do it through acceptance and understanding.
Accepting and understanding for each individual.

You first have to accept their story, how they have gotten here so far in life. The facts, yes, but more importantly, how did they experience them?

Then you start the journey of understanding. You are curious and you use discovery. You don’t figure it out looking through your lens or filter, but you hear the story through the narration of what is happening through their lenses.

Each person will experience the same situation differently according to their design. I’ll say it again. You could experience the exact same thing, side by side, with exactly the same facts and, because of the difference in each design’s thought process, you will experience it completely different.

The Saturated Design
They will take all facts in, not processing as much as they are just absorbing. They just let them sit in that space in their brain until they get enough information to draw a conclusion and then it comes. A declaration. It will be precisely how they feel about the event and that will end up being their story. They will most likely stick to it pretty firmly.

The Whitened Design
They will take in how they, and more importantly how everyone else, is experiencing the facts. When they give their report it is most likely focused on the group and how each individual, “did this,” and, “then they saw that,” and they will throw in a, “and you should have seen so and so respond, it was amazing.” They will practically reenact the excitement (good or bad) so you get the full picture and they will always match the enthusiasm, or whatever emotion was present, of the event. They also will match the emotion of the person listening to the report.

The Grayed Design
You can almost see the swirls of facts in their expression, because they are collecting information as they experience an event. They immediately move to connecting the contingencies and their intuitive nature comes out. It is like their emotional engines are quietly starting up and through that intuitive nature they will experience the highs and lows of an event. That is how they can recall details so well. When asked, “what happened?” they go back and re-experience the emotion and it rekindles the memory.

The Blackened Design
They just move to fix. They can experience details of an event at the same time as their body moves to fix it. They are taking in the what, where, when, and the biggest component that helps them process any event, THE WHY. The why or why not is how they remember the details because it is the system in which they experienced the details. As they recite them they will often say, “that was good they did this,” or “I don’t know why they did that.” It is just the system in which it rolled out for them.

So as you are spending time with family or close ones that feel like family, think of their harmony or personality and accept their way of thinking. You don’t change yours, you just negotiate from those two ways of thinking. It’s like you are seeing one event from many different sides. I promise if we do this when we are interacting with our loved ones, we will start to see one little Christmas miracle after another pop up. Probably nothing huge, but the impact on the harmony in the relationships with be great.

So at this time of events and parties, sing (even if it’s not in perfect harmony), laugh, accept, and understand…The more we do this, the more we will begin to SEE in perfect harmony. Live and love, and remember:

everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

**Song referenced: “I’d like to teach the world to sing (in perfect harmony)”, originally recorded in 1971, with several versions published over the years.

Gift Giving: Do you Deck the Halls or say Bah, Humbug?

Posted on November 27, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

The minute Thanksgiving is over, before you can pause to take a breath, it seems as if we turn our attention to gifts. We make our list, we shop black Friday, and our attention is on what we are going to get those important people in our life for Christmas.

When carefully creating a list or a least a plan for gift giving, are you a “Deck the Halls” kind of person, or do you find yourself in more of a “Bah, Humbug” kind of mood in that moment? I find that whichever attitude best fits you for gift giving can significantly determine your attitude over the entire Christmas holiday season.

Most of these attitudes have to do with how confident we are in the gifts or gestures we are planning for our loved ones. We want them to know how we feel, and our gift or expression of giving is a

direct correlation to how that might be perceived from our loved one’s point of view. Sometimes we give the gift a lot of thought but it doesn’t seem to translate in that spirit all of the time.

Let us help you out. First, knowing the person’s personality or design is important when it comes to expressing our love to our loved ones. What is important to them and how we give it shows that we really pay attention and know what they like. At Human Art we call this our “Love Designs.” Here are some tips for each personality or harmony to make things a little easier for you this Christmas.

♥ For your Saturated loved ones:
Their love design is Wine and Dine. They love and appreciate when you set time or resources aside to really do something special. Listen to what that one most important thing for the season is. They will usually state in declarations, such as:
“If I could have one thing this year…”
“All I want for Christmas is…”
“I really don’t want anything except…”
When they say this, they mean it. They really don’t want a lot of little gestures.They would rather you save your resources to get what they deem important. It’s not the quantity, it’s the quality for them. And make it special. Punctuate the importance of whatever you are giving.

♥ For your Whitened loved ones:
Their love design is surprise, and social. Anticipate their needs. They love a lot of fun things and activities but it increases the magic when they can share it with those they love. The more the merrier. Listen and see what they do for others and turn it around and do it back for them. They love surprises with others there to experience it with them. If you could turn Christmas into a surprise party they would love it.

♥ For your Grayed loved ones:
their love design is romance through the details. They love the tradition of things. Connecting with others during the holidays is so important to them. Honor their traditions and romance all of the experiences through the details. Talk about it before hand, involve them in the details as you go, then connect with them after to see how they felt about it. It will go a long way and will create a Christmas to remember.

♥ For your Blackened loved ones:
Their love design is “get ‘er done.” They would love for you to get them something that can lighten their load. It is all about the tasks. Think of what has been on their list of things to fix for a while and then get them something to make that happen; make it easier with a tool, spend some time helping them do it, or give them the resources they need to do it. It will make for a merry one for all involved.

So as you are going down your list, also write a note to the side of each name that reminds you of their design and think more of their love design rather than just buying them something just to have gotten them something. It will lead to a “Deck the Halls” kind of Christmas and you will experience more excitement than they do as you really communicate with their design.

Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

For a downloadable love designs reference guide, become a member of the Human Art Classroom

→ Related Post: Valentine Validation: The Love Designs