Thanksgiving: Who’s Coming to Dinner?

Posted on November 6, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

As we approach the holiday season, we often have fond dreams of holidays past and we have an ideal in mind to connect and have joy in our closest relationships. Sometimes in our reminiscence, we bring out the tenseness and awkwardness in some of our relationships. In other words, sometimes we are outright afraid of what might “go down” during the holiday events.

This brings me to the question, “Who is coming to dinner?” For those of you who understand Human Art theory, this is a wonderful time to be mindfully curious about the different needs of each design and how to meet them where they are at this holiday season.

While you are sitting around the table and catching up this year, try to take another design’s perspective and tailor the conversation to their central focus.

For example, if I am sitting across the table from a Saturated person, a wise thing to remember is that they are quality driven. The quality is established through their focus on the “one most important thing” for the holiday season. If you really want to connect with them and get their attention, ask them what is their most important thing for this particular season. It would leave an impression on them that you care about their priority for the event. Try not to worry about figuring out their one most important thing, just ask. This will increase their social engagement and increase their comfort and validation. It will decrease any aloofness that might be present which will make the interactions less awkward.

Now, what if you were sitting next to your Whitened family or friend? This year try to engage them instead of waiting for them to entreat you. It is a gift to them to seek them out and enthusiastically engage them with an enrolling question. You can banter with them but most importantly they want to be noticed and see that you have anticipated their needs. You will always be successful with a Whitened person if you can focus on the celebration and notice something personal such as a birthday, a favorite present, or a favorite memory from a past holiday.

Next, if you know someone Grayed will be coming to dinner, romance the connection of the holidays through small details. For example, we know the Grayed person doesn’t like abrupt starts and stops. Approaching the dinner table at the beginning and leaving the table at the end is the most awkward time for the Grayed person. They worry about having direct attention on them when they want to blend and connect. A few days before start connecting in small ways with the Grayed people you know who are coming. Ease them in by sending a text noting that you look forward to seeing them. “I will talk to you when you get here.” When they are leaving, make that transition more smoothly. You can walk them to the door and comment about when you will be together again. It’s like you are starting your own personal tradition with them.

Finally, if there is a Blackened person anywhere in the room, you will find them engaged in a task. They may be fixing the lights, taking the garbage out, or finishing cement in the backyard. Just jump in the task and experience it with them. Don’t question the timing of the task or misread their version of celebrating. To them, the task is celebrating. That is their gift to you. Be sure to appreciate their tasks.

If we pay attention to the central focus of each member’s design, your dreams for a rich family experience will materialize. You would be surprised how many times people get missed. They might not show up because they are invalidated or not noticed. In our Family Reunion Service, we go in and demonstrate how these dynamics play out each and every day, month after month. As we highlight each member’s design, the other family members become aware of how to meet each other’s needs.

So, who is coming to dinner? Who has already RSVP’d? Start now by planning to take their perspective and possess the dream of a joyful holiday season.

And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook and Rod

The Power of Curiosity

Posted on October 29, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

The answer is curiosity!

The question is, “what is one thing that could significantly strengthen my ability to learn new skills and grow in my authentic self?”

This is a question that was asked recently at Human Art. When we are teaching new skills to anyone that are designed to help one better themselves in relationships with self, with others around them, and in leadership or team building, one common thing that is required is curiosity.

When we are small and first learning to navigate this big world, curiosity is required. Some children get punished for it and we see the beginnings of a “shut down, stuff it,” type of relating to others. Where it can get really serious is if we are curious in our authenticity or our personality and we get negative feedback of any kind. It leaves us with no discovery and no idea where to go with those confusing emotions.

So I propose we say “YES” to implementing curiosity in our lives! Let me give you an example.

In this line of work I see that, in general, humans have a STRONG desire to learn about their own personality or design. They want to know what their authenticity looks like, how to use it, and how to define it. That’s the kind of curiosity I’m talking about. What I’ve been observing while looking at curiosity is that humans are not always as willing to be as curious about other people’s designs; the people they love, the people they work with, their friends, etc.

Let’s start by looking at the different types of curiosity in the designs:

The Saturated design is curious in the way of collecting the components of any conversation or dynamic. They need all of the pieces before they can draw a conclusion. They need to know what is the best solution or the “one most important fact” to be able to make a declaration and then start sequencing it.

The Whitened person is curious to learn people’s preferences. They are attuned to others’ preferences at a deeper level. They notice likes and dislikes and do it in a non-threatening way. They thrive off of sincerity.

The Grayed person is curious in the connection. The connection with others, the connections of possibilities, the connections that can help, and the connections that might hurt. It is a meticulous openness full of details.

The Blackened person is curious about the what, why and how. It is like the air they breath. It is how they discover new ideas, best way to do a task, and how they get to know together people.

When we expand our curiosity with self and with others, in a way where we are constantly discovering and learning new things about each other, our curiosity transforms into empathy and compassion. Then you are on your way to seeing that everyone is full of worth and value just the way they are, in their authenticity. When we celebrate that fact, we move to learning and growing in our authenticity in a way that did not seem possible.

Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

-Brook

The Power of Self Discovery

Posted on October 22, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

In 2008 a man sat in a Human Art class. He was a well-established professional. Prior to the class he had always wanted to be like the popular quarterback type; bigger, muscular, and driven by that “fix it” mentality. This is a great goal if you are Blackened. The problem is, he isn’t Blackened, he is Saturated. He described himself as trying to be outdoorsy and trying to fit in that way.

After experiencing the class he made the statement, “I know who I am. I am Saturated. I don’t need to try to be Blackened anymore and I will no longer compare myself to that. I am not that and I will never be that.” The beauty in that is that he learned about being predominantly Saturated and he loved it. He related to it. He said, “I will no longer apologize for who I am.”

In another instance, in the early 1980’s a client came into Human Art and didn’t believe she was beautiful. She was Blackened but her husband was Saturated. She found him so attractive that she wanted to be that same form of attractiveness. When we taught her about the Blackened design combined with a little Grayed-a glaze of refinement overlaying that beautifully natural Blackened design that she was-she fell in love with herself in an authentic way. I will never forget her telling us with tears in her eyes about the first time embracing that personality she felt like the most beautiful women in the room. It was life changing.

Working a few years ago with a family that all had logical designs, one of the girls in the family was Whitened. she had some Saturation as well but you always noticed the Whitened in her interactions with others. She was engaging and enrolling. She had this childlike way of adding lightness to the room with her spontaneity. In this family structure she was ridiculed. Not by the other family members but on inside. She was cruel to herself and spent most of her time alone ridiculing herself for not being more logical and linear. When she learned the value of her personality traits and used them in a healthy way, without comparing, she began to shine. Her efficacy improved and most important she started settling into self-love.

Why do I bring these up? In today’s world we are in a battle. a battle of contention. It seems to be all around us. You channel surf on tv and you find it. You listen to conversations on social media, you will find it. Trying to navigate social issues, there it is. The great thing about humans is they are inherently good. They are decent. We just all want to find our worth and we will go to great lengths to find it.

The solution is to inner source that peace. We all want to find significance and it starts with finding our value for ourselves. We need to know ourselves and who we are to quiet our inner contention or struggle. We can then come from that place of security to turn to others and celebrate them and their design, which is probably different from ours.

So start with your own self esteem. Find things you value in yourself and evaluate the beauty of that particular trait. Settle that contention in our own self. Love who you are first, then go out and love others.

And remember everyone is a masterpiece.

-Brook

My Plea: “To all mankind…one person at a time.”

Posted on October 16, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

In 2006, my husband Rod and I finished our book “Human Art: Understanding Your Own Personal Design.” We had only one thing left to do on the manuscript and that was to finish the dedication. We could not figure out who to dedicate it to. There were too many people that had come along the way of writing it to pick just one person or group to dedicate it to. The obvious first group was our children. We both took time out of our lives with our family to complete the goal of each of us writing and working on the book for at least an hour a day. There were people who helped. The list goes on and on.

Something happened during that same time that in the end led to our decision; we decided to dedicate the book to you. Yes you. Let me walk you through what happened.

I received a phone call one day from an Emmy Award winning agent, let’s call him Brian. He had a small amount of information about Human Art. He had produced many shows and projects for actual celebrities but most of his time was spent helping advise celebrities on how to navigate being famous. His proposal for me was overwhelming and my appreciation that he would even consider helping me was profound.

I remember walking in the office for our first meeting. Looking at the wall of fame as I walked down the hallway into his waiting room was intimidating to say the least. There were a variety of gold records, pictures of celebrities I admired, and even shots of award shows with him attending lining the walls of the hallway leading to the waiting room outside his rather large office. What was a girl like me doing in a place like this?

I was invited into his office. As we were talking he laid out a plan for me and the first thing on that plan was to practice a strategy for when I walked in the room to boost my confidence. I was all on board for this because I can’t say my confidence was at an all time high sitting in that office. He explained that the first thing a celebrity does when they walk in the room at the beginning of any event was to separate the idea of being human and focus on being the star in the room to give them the personification of a star. This strategy was designed for his clients to boost their confidence and to see themselves as a star. I could definitely see how that would be effective if you were a famous actor or singer. It in fact had been very affective for some of the people he was working with at the time. I remember thinking of the people that he was working with from politicians to celebrities, singers with gold records that had been on the charts. Then I started to imagine what that would be like for me to try this strategy.

It would not work. I was the only person, of the all the people he worked with, that this would not work with. In our next meeting I expressed this concern so we went on to the next item on his agenda. He explained we needed to pick “the face of Human Art.” I sat quietly so to be respectful as he went through a list of possibilities. Again as I found myself imagining this strategy it just felt profoundly wrong.

A few weeks passed of going back and forth and I knew it was time to have a serious discussion with him. This just wasn’t working. It was a fail-proof strategy for the caliber of professionals he worked with but I was not a fit for this strategy. Out of respect for him I didn’t want to take anymore of his time or frustrate him further. So I made the call.

The conversation started with me thanking him. I then explained that it wasn’t going to work. He asked why. I stated that it was as if he was interviewing me and I was interviewing him and we were both failing. I didn’t want to frustrate him further. I will never forget his answer. “This is the biggest mistake of your life. I could make one phone call and have you on Larry King Live and Oprah.” (popular talk shows at the time) I told him I understood. He asked what I was thinking when I came to this conclusion. I told him something that is still true today.

Human Art is not a theory or methodology that is starring me. It is starring the person I am teaching it to. When I walk into a room I cannot separate myself from the person or the humans, because it is about them. It is about YOU. It is Human Art, starring you. You are the face of Human Art. I told him I agreed that it was a missed opportunity, but I expressed that I would never regret it. Instead of dedicating my life to getting to the masses (which was something he was brilliant at), I would spend my life teaching humans of their design and authenticity one person at a time.

So we had it. The dedication: “to all mankind…one person at a time.”

This is very important to me. I can tell you I have done this consistently since that experience years ago.

I want to give you an invitation, because you are that “one person at a time.” We will be in Salt Lake City on November 3rd.* We will be doing a class and speaking to your personality. If you are someone who still does not know who you are, what your worth is or doesn’t know how to even start to define it, I am talking to you. Please come. I do believe that everyone is a masterpiece and I want you to know it and believe it too.

So this is a plea from me—not on a talk show, not from a famous person, just me in my office at my home. Please be a part of that group and come learn how wonderful your authenticity is. So you will know too that everyone is a masterpiece.

~Brook

*This class has already been held. No current registration available.

When it Doesn’t Come Naturally – Find the Charm of YOUR Design

Posted on October 8, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

In our design or our authenticity there are things that we are naturally good at and things in each design that might not be our strongest trait.

There are things in each design that come so natural to us that we actually enjoy doing them.

A Saturated person might actually love to organize an event or project because they love to sequence things and are really good at it; it’s exciting to them.
A Whitened person could love to volunteer because that usually means people are involved and their focus is not on the burden of the task, it just feels like a party.
A Grayed person loves to balance their checkbook or correct a paper because it is combing through the details of them and they can find endless enjoyment in that.
A Blackened person can jump into any physical task or join in on one with someone else to make the load lighter. Because of the “fix it” mentality that they have it is more fulfilling than just talking about what to do.

Because they are so naturally good at it, people in those designs can find a great deal of joy in it. It also comes so natural to them they could practically do these things in their sleep.

In contrast, there are things in each design that are the opposite. They sometimes are absent from the design or could be labeled as things that are not enjoyable to do. Each design has traits or characteristics that naturally are strengths but other traits and strengths that just don’t seem to be included. This has, in the past, created some potential for a little bit of confusion. Let me explain.

When someone I am talking with at Human Art is confused, it sometimes has to do with being accountable for what we are NOT as natural at in our personality or design. Some might interpret what I said above as declaring that if a trait is not included in a design then one is free from being responsible for that trait. Sometimes we are a little tempted to think or even say, “it’s not in my design therefore I am forever released from having to do that, or be accountable for that.”

For example, a Grayed client we were working with was very concerned with some dynamics in their family. They felt hopeless in ever overcoming some contention that existed between them and a few of the members of their family. We explained that when a person has a high amount of Grayed in their design, they usually don’t like confrontation. When this client heard that they sighed in relief. “I’m so excited, I’ll just have everyone else do it.”

As tempting as that might be, as it is definitely is the path of least resistance, it is not showing up and being accountable. More importantly, it is robbing that person of the opportunity to use the brilliance of the Grayed design. Yes, it was important that this person learned a Grayed person does not enjoy confrontation and they cease to thrive in that environment, but they are brilliant in an environment of connecting the contingencies. They have this ability to see and connect things we might not have ever considered. It is usually done in a weaving conversation that feels like a calming consideration of all that is involved. It is the charm of the Grayed design.

We explained to our client that yes it was necessary to confront the situation or dynamic but not the person. It was not a dreaded obstacle or barrier but an opportunity to shine. Once the client realized that all of the tools they needed to move forward were right there front and center in their authenticity or their design, it was amazing to see their resolve.

Every design has something similar that they avoid or don’t like to do. Realizing that they are accountable for doing it, but also doing it in a way that showcases the brilliance of their design, they can conquer it. If we all accepted that in the same way that I know it is true we will all be capable of conquering the world. Even better, we can accept our own responsibility and do it in a way that brings enormous amounts of joy and a feeling of efficacy. I have seen it time and time again.

So list those things that are not the hallmark of your design, or that you don’t like, and dig deep to find the charm of your design then use it to approach those things. It will serve you every time!

And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook