Tag: accountability

When it Doesn’t Come Naturally – Find the Charm of YOUR Design

Posted on by Brook Thornley

In our design or our authenticity there are things that we are naturally good at and things in each design that might not be our strongest trait.

There are things in each design that come so natural to us that we actually enjoy doing them.

  • A Saturated person might actually love to organize an event or project because they love to sequence things and are really good at it; it’s exciting to them.
  • A Whitened person could love to volunteer because that usually means people are involved and their focus is not on the burden of the task, it just feels like a party.
  • A Grayed person loves to balance their checkbook or correct a paper because it is combing through the details of them and they can find endless enjoyment in that.
  • A Blackened person can jump into any physical task or join in on one with someone else to make the load lighter. Because of the “fix it” mentality that they have it is more fulfilling than just talking about what to do.

Because they are so naturally good at it, people in those designs can find a great deal of joy in it. It also comes so natural to them they could practically do these things in their sleep.

In contrast, there are things in each design that are the opposite. They sometimes are absent from the design or could be labeled as things that are not enjoyable to do. Each design has traits or characteristics that naturally are strengths but other traits and strengths that just don’t seem to be included. This has, in the past, created some potential for a little bit of confusion. Let me explain.

Photo source: stockxpert.com

When someone I am talking with at Human Art is confused, it sometimes has to do with being accountable for what we are NOT as natural at in our personality or design. Some might interpret what I said above as declaring that if a trait is not included in a design then one is free from being responsible for that trait. Sometimes we are a little tempted to think or even say, “it’s not in my design therefore I am forever released from having to do that, or be accountable for that.”

For example, a Grayed client we were working with was very concerned with some dynamics in their family. They felt hopeless in ever overcoming some contention that existed between them and a few of the members of their family. We explained that when a person has a high amount of Grayed in their design, they usually don’t like confrontation. When this client heard that they sighed in relief. “I’m so excited, I’ll just have everyone else do it.”

As tempting as that might be, as it is definitely is the path of least resistance, it is not showing up and being accountable. More importantly, it is robbing that person of the opportunity to use the brilliance of the Grayed design. Yes, it was important that this person learned a Grayed person does not enjoy confrontation and they cease to thrive in that environment, but they are brilliant in an environment of connecting the contingencies. They have this ability to see and connect things we might not have ever considered. It is usually done in a weaving conversation that feels like a calming consideration of all that is involved. It is the charm of the Grayed design.

We explained to our client that yes it was necessary to confront the situation or dynamic but not the person. It was not a dreaded obstacle or barrier but an opportunity to shine. Once the client realized that all of the tools they needed to move forward were right there front and center in their authenticity or their design, it was amazing to see their resolve.

Every design has something similar that they avoid or don’t like to do. Realizing that they are accountable for doing it, but also doing it in a way that showcases the brilliance of their design, they can conquer it. If we all accepted that in the same way that I know it is true we will all be capable of conquering the world. Even better, we can accept our own responsibility and do it in a way that brings enormous amounts of joy and a feeling of efficacy. I have seen it time and time again.

So list those things that are not the hallmark of your design, or that you don’t like, and dig deep to find the charm of your design then use it to approach those things. It will serve you every time!

And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

 

Let’s NOT Eat Worms: Overcoming Barriers (Part 3)

Posted on by Brook Thornley

This week, we are continuing our discussion of ways to jump start our self-love (Read Part 1, Read Part 2) by talking about step 3: Accountability is all you….. guard your perimeter.

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How about let’s not eat worms. In the song the kids sang, “I’m going to go eat worms,” the original problem was not that these kids really wanted to eat worms, the original problem, or BARRIER, was that the kids believed no one liked them. They really thought they had no or very little value. So the “go eat worms,” part was just the product of how they felt, and what they believed about themselves. In their responsibility to themselves, believing that no one liked them was an example of  not showing up for themselves. It was completely understandable because they were just small children. As adults though, we have to really think about our responsibility to ourselves. We are responsible to heal our own wounds.

In our relationship with our self, our belief system is crucial. Our belief system, or what we believe about ourselves, can either be our accountability or responsibility for our self or a big barrier that we cant seem to get past. Whichever of the two we believe is how we will show up in every aspect of life.

When we are not responsible for our self we show up wanting to be rescued. The hard part of this dynamic is that sometimes it is tempting to just sing the part “I’m  going to go eat worms,” as loud as we possibly can in hopes that someone will hear it and respond in a rescuer role.  That weak part of us would really like someone to stop and notice we just sang the “GO EAT WORMS” part of the song and they gasp and say, “did someone say they were going to go eat worms!? We cant have that! I will be responsible for their pain and take it all away!” That seems like an attractive option sometimes, it would be a lot easier. The problem is, it does nothing for our sense of self, our self esteem, or self love. If someone is constantly trying to rescue you we really have to look at that relationship. In that role, especially if they show up again and again saving us (whether it is intentional or unintentional), they are robbing us of our power and independence and become a controller in our life.

(Photo Credit: pixelery / 123RF Stock Photo)

A much better option is to show up in our responsibility to our self.  Move our own barriers. The best way I know how is through our authenticity, our design. Hold on to the traits we love about our design. If you are Saturated, love that you are a clear thinker and use that precision to march right through your barrier. If you are Whitened, use your social engagement and your strong ability to handle change and love it, to spring right over any barrier. If you are Grayed, no one can stick to a process like you can and find depth in the details; it’s like your consistency can evaporate the barrier. And if you are Blackened, it’s your ability to get things done–because you innately find the why, how, when, what to the barrier–that lets you take an emotional sledge hammer to the barrier so you never have to deal with it again (and no one else will either); you just destroy it with your hard work.

The important part is to know who you are and to be able to describe your authenticity through your design. Then when you know it put it in that space all around you; what we call our personal space. Remodel it with your authentic self and all the traits that come with your design. As you move around going about your day, so will those traits and the feeling that comes with them. Guard that perimeter and keep the bad out and the good in. It’s really up to you. Your new song will be about  how much you love yourself.  We can finally leave the worms out of the story.

Remember everyone is a masterpiece, especially you.

-Brook


If you are interested in overcoming your barriers, at Human Art: The Original Personality Test we can teach you how to create a profile of your personal design. Learn more about the services we offer here.