Tag: Blackened

Opposites Attract: Celebrating the Differences (The Blackened Design)

Posted on April 23, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

“We just don’t see things the same way.”

“I just don’t get why they do things that way, it makes no sense to me.”

“No matter how much I try to talk sense into them they just can’t see it.”

Again, I have heard all of these, which just reaffirms how important the concept of “opposites attract” is to understand.

Whether it is in romantic or committed relationships, work relationships, or just socially interacting, learning to really appreciate that “opposites attract” is crucial to human interaction and to finding happiness in relating with others. Conflict and attraction go hand in hand, and understanding both and, more importantly, learning to accept that they have to exist together, is key. It is a part of that beautiful tension that keeps us connected.

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We have already talked in past weeks about the Saturated and Whitened designs, let’s talk this week about the way opposites attract with the Blackened Design.

The Blackened design is so logical and practical; that is part of the strength of the design. They love the fix and when there is a problem they just move to solutions. They nurture through tasks and that is often how they connect with others.

Blackened with Saturated People
Blackened relates well to the Saturated design. They both relate to logic, and even though it manifests in different ways, they still appreciate it in each other. Where the opposite attraction lies is in the contrast between the Saturated introverted appropriateness and the Blackened extroverted assertiveness. The Saturated way of coping will feel aloof to the Blackened, who will jump into a “fix it” mentality. They might have a logic war, and in conflict Saturated will tend to withhold and Blackened will tend to get forceful.

Blackened with Whitened People
The Whitened design can be attracted to the stability and structure of the Blackened design. They will love the feeling of that in the beginning. As time goes on however, if they are not careful, they will move into a place where they might see that same dynamic as stifling and controlling and feel that their spontaneity is threatened. The Blackened might feel out of control with the Whitened light-hearted approach to everything and feel the need to change them into a more structured person. This is a dangerous game because it moves them out of being someone to interact with and they will find themselves in a parental-type role instead.

Blackened with Grayed People
The Grayed design is very attracted to the strength and abruptness of the Blackened design’s ability to move on things. It is rejuvenating to be around a Blackened person, especially if the Grayed person is feeling overwhelmed or avoidant. This will last as long as the honeymoon phase of the relationship lasts. If we don’t keep the concept of “opposites attract” in its healthy place, the potential for an extreme change to take place is high. When the Grayed person moves into an analytical place and starts to over think the Blackened’s directness, the Grayed person could see that as too direct or even abrupt, and start to be embarrassed by the attention that it might bring to the couple.

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The best approach is to always try to see what we loved when it comes to our opposite. Remember how it felt when we first experienced it. It is also critical to remember that we always have our own autonomy and it is not defined by others. This is important because it frees us up to be independent and allows us, and others, to accept and celebrate the differences, even in a committed relationship. The best part of relationships is that we are all different, and when someone is our opposite we need to accept, and even go as far as to anticipate, the differences.

Just pause every once in a while to see just how beautiful they are and recite to ourselves what it is that we love about the opposite design. It will put us in a place to love deeper, negotiate in a healthier way, get more needs meet, and definitely gain a deeper understanding. We all need that, and we all crave validation for who we are. Loving the other person in our opposite attraction is the first step into letting them influence us for the better. This is important to navigating any relationships.

And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

Manufactured Self vs. Authentic Self: The Blackened Fix

Posted on March 25, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

We finish off this month’s discussion of the authentic vs. manufactured self by talking about how it might like for the Blackened design. If you haven’t read our previous posts, read an introduction and all about the Saturated design here, Whitened here, and Grayed here.

The Blackened authenticity is direct and honest. Someone who is high in the Blackened personality has a need to fix things. They are honest and real. I often describe them as warm, and you feel as if they would give you the shirt off their own back if it would solve a problem for you. They interact with others in a real way and have an honesty that is as warm as a summer morning in the mountains. They love to take action and they do not like drama—just direct communication. They love to protect, and usually engage with others through tasks.

Let’s say that in interacting with others they get criticized for being too blunt. They might reject that wonderful organic honesty and replace it with a manufactured trait of holding everything in and being shy. They then might get more negative feedback for being too task-oriented and never taking a break. They then might throw that trait out and replace it with a projected trait of being overly silly and carefree. It can go on and on. They throw away their resourcefulness and try hard to come across as carefree; and they have also abandoned their beautiful casual nature to try to be more authoritative. They would do this for protection. They would then get the final blow of being criticized for not being real and knowing who they are. Now instead of that natural Blackened authenticity you are left to experience an unconvincingly shy, forcefully silly, unnaturally carefree, and overtly authoritative and stuffy authenticity that is confusing to those they interact with. It does not make sense to others. It does not in any way validate the Blackened individual.

Finding your authenticity, learning your equation, and experiencing life through it is the only way to find true joy and the peace we all seem to desire. We all have different amounts of all four designs in our personality so we all have an amount of Blackened in us. For some it is a lot, for others it might be a little. It might just be enough to be real or to get things done in just certain areas of our life rather than across the board. There is such a beauty to the rich authenticity of a person that is high in the Blackened design: they live life though adventure, they experience rich relationships, and they love by naturally nurturing and protecting others. They will always tell you how they feel.

Find they amount of Blackened you hold in your authenticity and use this week to expand its capabilities. Be honest with yourself and be real with others. Live in the moment and take life in. You deserve it, and those close to you deserve it. And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

New Year Goals by Design – Part 4 – Blackened

Posted on January 22, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

We are finally to the week of learning about the Blackened Design and their inner landscape tools! (if you haven’t read about the first three yet, read them here: Introduction and Saturated, Whitened, Grayed)

The Blackened design craves tasks, so the required inner landscape tool is Effort. The central focus of the Blackened design is to fix it. They love to get the job done. This has the potential to step over emotions in order to get things done. This may alienate others because they become too narrowly focused on the task at the expense of bringing others along and integrating others’ perspectives and priorities.

When you meet a Blackened person, you immediately notice their effort and focus for the task. What is often missing is effort directed at considering different opinions on how the task may be accomplished. The Blackened person puts their energy into the obvious thing that needs to be fixed but it is a challenge for them to listen to the factors contributing to the problem or the impact of the problem in terms of emotional fall out.

When the Blackened person sets a goal, they focus on the obvious solution and can become resourceful to a fault. This looks like finding the most simple and pragmatic solution which is efficient and cost effective. It is hard for them to set a New Year’s goal because they tend to wait for something to break before they engage. It is kind of like a cycle of “break and fix, break and fix, break and fix,” etc.

When a Blackened person comes into Human Art, they express that others are too dramatic, too wasteful, too complicated, too stuffy, or too irresponsible. When we get to work and broaden their perspective, they can start to appreciate the bigger picture. Their effort is to look deeper to see what is really broken. As they understand a broader array of variables, they will be able to see and prevent problems before they break.

So the call to action this week is to ask more questions. Listen more deeply. Slow down and collect more information before acting. Fix feelings instead of things. Consider the intentions and values of others. Try taking the other’s perspective. If they are happy, then you fixed it.

And remember Everyone is a Masterpiece.

Brook

READ OUR OTHER GOALS BY DESIGN POSTS!

Part 1 – Introduction and Saturated
Part 2 -Whitened
Part 3 – Grayed
Part 5 – Landscape Your Goals