Tag: Family

“I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing in Perfect Harmony”

Posted on December 11, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

“I’d like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony.” I would like for myself to be able to sing in perfect harmony, but unfortunately, I cannot. What I can do is teach the world to SEE in perfect harmony.

Think of the state of the world right now. What are the things that you worry about? What are the issues that you disagree with others on? It seems as if lately we are all worried about some of these things? When those conversations come up (and they will) look even closer to the ones we love and how we interact with them when they do. Focus for a minute on what those conversations look like and how we go about them in our own families.

We see a lot of families over a week’s time at Human Art. They come in to Human Art in all sizes and forms. Each one is different and comes through the door with different challenges. I will say what I always say, “People are good.” Sometimes though, we can struggle in families. That is where I think we could focus.

That line again, “I’d like to teach the world to sing (or see) in perfect harmony.” When we hear it, whether it be from the song or in ads, it still rings the same in your heart. Just stop for a second and think of the intention of this statement: “in perfect harmony.” Harmony is not created by everyone singing the same notes together, but by everyone singing different notes that work beautifully together.

How do we obtain “perfect harmony” in a family?
We do it through acceptance and understanding.
Accepting and understanding for each individual.

You first have to accept their story, how they have gotten here so far in life. The facts, yes, but more importantly, how did they experience them?

Then you start the journey of understanding. You are curious and you use discovery. You don’t figure it out looking through your lens or filter, but you hear the story through the narration of what is happening through their lenses.

Each person will experience the same situation differently according to their design. I’ll say it again. You could experience the exact same thing, side by side, with exactly the same facts and, because of the difference in each design’s thought process, you will experience it completely different.

The Saturated Design
They will take all facts in, not processing as much as they are just absorbing. They just let them sit in that space in their brain until they get enough information to draw a conclusion and then it comes. A declaration. It will be precisely how they feel about the event and that will end up being their story. They will most likely stick to it pretty firmly.

The Whitened Design
They will take in how they, and more importantly how everyone else, is experiencing the facts. When they give their report it is most likely focused on the group and how each individual, “did this,” and, “then they saw that,” and they will throw in a, “and you should have seen so and so respond, it was amazing.” They will practically reenact the excitement (good or bad) so you get the full picture and they will always match the enthusiasm, or whatever emotion was present, of the event. They also will match the emotion of the person listening to the report.

The Grayed Design
You can almost see the swirls of facts in their expression, because they are collecting information as they experience an event. They immediately move to connecting the contingencies and their intuitive nature comes out. It is like their emotional engines are quietly starting up and through that intuitive nature they will experience the highs and lows of an event. That is how they can recall details so well. When asked, “what happened?” they go back and re-experience the emotion and it rekindles the memory.

The Blackened Design
They just move to fix. They can experience details of an event at the same time as their body moves to fix it. They are taking in the what, where, when, and the biggest component that helps them process any event, THE WHY. The why or why not is how they remember the details because it is the system in which they experienced the details. As they recite them they will often say, “that was good they did this,” or “I don’t know why they did that.” It is just the system in which it rolled out for them.

So as you are spending time with family or close ones that feel like family, think of their harmony or personality and accept their way of thinking. You don’t change yours, you just negotiate from those two ways of thinking. It’s like you are seeing one event from many different sides. I promise if we do this when we are interacting with our loved ones, we will start to see one little Christmas miracle after another pop up. Probably nothing huge, but the impact on the harmony in the relationships with be great.

So at this time of events and parties, sing (even if it’s not in perfect harmony), laugh, accept, and understand…The more we do this, the more we will begin to SEE in perfect harmony. Live and love, and remember:

everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

**Song referenced: “I’d like to teach the world to sing (in perfect harmony)”, originally recorded in 1971, with several versions published over the years.

Silent Night

Posted on December 4, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

We have talked a lot the last couple of weeks about the holiday season. There has been so much good energy at Human Art around this holiday season and it has only just begun. We have talked about relationships and how this time of year is a perfect time to enhance those relationships with others by really understanding them. The celebrating of each other and honoring their design seems to be the focus of everything we discuss this year.

I want to take you back many years ago to a time that had that same feeling. It is also one of the reasons “Silent Night” is one of my favorite Christmas songs. It happened in my parent’s home on Christmas evening. First, let me give you a little background on what was happening leading up to this particular Christmas.

As you know, I come from an extremely artistic family. We grew up developing the Human Art program in our home. We are all artists of some sort. Our parents were artists by trade and we spent much time developing the program and understanding personalities and composing and creating things that each personality would love. It was no different when it came to creating something for someone within the family. It was always emphasized in our home with our siblings and parents that we were always to honor and celebrate each other’s designs or personalities. This particular year was no exception; the instructions for gift giving were the same—we drew a name and bought a gift for that family member and it was always in their design. The difference this year was that we had to do something special for the person that we drew out. There was a new rule put in place just for this one year. You had to use your creative abilities to do something really special for that person. It had to focus on what they loved and celebrated them. The main rule was we had to make it from scratch and we could only spend three dollars on supplies. It was declared a “homemade Christmas.”

We all spent the weeks before discussing how we were going to make this happen. “THREE DOLLARS, WE ARE SUPPOSED TO MAKE SOMETHING WORK FOR THREE DOLLARS?!” was a common quote that rang through the family at that time.

Christmas afternoon came and it was time to gather at my parent’s home for the “Homemade Christmas.” We ate and then the gift exchange began. The first gift was my dad’s, he had one of my younger sisters names. He had taken five one dollar bills and made a contemporary statue of sorts of a sleek dinosaur. It was beautiful. Then one of my sister-in-laws had collected natural plants and dried them for another sister who love to arrange flowers. It went on and on and with 12 siblings and one adopted. It was an afternoon full of loud, happy laughter, and love.

The last present was from my brother Sean to my mother. He had sat so quietly watching all the others laugh and celebrate each other. He seemed to just be taking it all in. Then we announced it was his turn to give my mom her present. He left the room and returned a few minutes later with a wrapped package in his arms. He knelt next to my mom where she was sitting on the floor and handed her the package wrapped in brown grocery sack paper. She opened it and I will never forget this image. The room went quiet, and in seconds a spirit filled the room, the spirit of Christmas, yet not one word was uttered or no sound made. Just a feeling. She had put her forehead tenderly against the frame of what we could conclude was a picture but it was facing her so we could not see its subject. She sat there and cried for I don’t know how long. It didn’t matter how long. I was so caught up in the feeling. It was night by now, and all of us were there and it was completely silent. We all just sat there and experienced this exchange between my brother and my mom.

Silent night
Holy night
All is calm
All is bright

*The picture of Sommer done by Brook’s brother Sean*

That’s exactly how it felt. I wished I could just freeze that moment forever and enjoy it over and over again.

Finally, without saying a word, my mom caught her breath and turned the picture around to reveal a beautiful piece of art that Sean had composed for her of our beautiful Down’s Syndrome sister Sommer who was an angel in heaven looking down on my family at that very moment. She had passed a few years prior to that Christmas.

That is what I now refer to as a “Silent Night moment.” Just as we celebrate the gift of the baby Jesus, we can also celebrate and give service to each other. When we learn to love each human for who they are and what they love, we can listen to them and their story and understand where they are coming from. No agenda except to serve them, to understand them. That’s how we can truly serve one another.

Everyone once in while we get it right, and we know it because it just happens. That “Silent Night” moment where no words are spoken, it is just a feeling. An exchange of sorts from one human to another that seems to whisper, “yes I get you” and, “yes I do care.” There are no appropriate words, just the exchange of a feeling. We have chances every day to create this, we just have to pay attention and act on it. That’s when it comes; it comes in a feeling, the spirit of a Silent Night moment and it leaves behind a feeling of peace—

“Heavenly peace.”

That is my wish for you this year while entering this holiday season. Look for those Silent Night moments and take advantage of them. Celebrate someone, anyone. Your family, someone at work. a friend or even a stranger on the street. You know you have understood their authenticity when you have that quiet exchange that seems to say, “I understand.” There is no better gift at Christmas time.

It is so important to remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

Thanksgiving: Who’s Coming to Dinner?

Posted on November 6, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

As we approach the holiday season, we often have fond dreams of holidays past and we have an ideal in mind to connect and have joy in our closest relationships. Sometimes in our reminiscence, we bring out the tenseness and awkwardness in some of our relationships. In other words, sometimes we are outright afraid of what might “go down” during the holiday events.

This brings me to the question, “Who is coming to dinner?” For those of you who understand Human Art theory, this is a wonderful time to be mindfully curious about the different needs of each design and how to meet them where they are at this holiday season.

While you are sitting around the table and catching up this year, try to take another design’s perspective and tailor the conversation to their central focus.

For example, if I am sitting across the table from a Saturated person, a wise thing to remember is that they are quality driven. The quality is established through their focus on the “one most important thing” for the holiday season. If you really want to connect with them and get their attention, ask them what is their most important thing for this particular season. It would leave an impression on them that you care about their priority for the event. Try not to worry about figuring out their one most important thing, just ask. This will increase their social engagement and increase their comfort and validation. It will decrease any aloofness that might be present which will make the interactions less awkward.

Now, what if you were sitting next to your Whitened family or friend? This year try to engage them instead of waiting for them to entreat you. It is a gift to them to seek them out and enthusiastically engage them with an enrolling question. You can banter with them but most importantly they want to be noticed and see that you have anticipated their needs. You will always be successful with a Whitened person if you can focus on the celebration and notice something personal such as a birthday, a favorite present, or a favorite memory from a past holiday.

Next, if you know someone Grayed will be coming to dinner, romance the connection of the holidays through small details. For example, we know the Grayed person doesn’t like abrupt starts and stops. Approaching the dinner table at the beginning and leaving the table at the end is the most awkward time for the Grayed person. They worry about having direct attention on them when they want to blend and connect. A few days before start connecting in small ways with the Grayed people you know who are coming. Ease them in by sending a text noting that you look forward to seeing them. “I will talk to you when you get here.” When they are leaving, make that transition more smoothly. You can walk them to the door and comment about when you will be together again. It’s like you are starting your own personal tradition with them.

Finally, if there is a Blackened person anywhere in the room, you will find them engaged in a task. They may be fixing the lights, taking the garbage out, or finishing cement in the backyard. Just jump in the task and experience it with them. Don’t question the timing of the task or misread their version of celebrating. To them, the task is celebrating. That is their gift to you. Be sure to appreciate their tasks.

If we pay attention to the central focus of each member’s design, your dreams for a rich family experience will materialize. You would be surprised how many times people get missed. They might not show up because they are invalidated or not noticed. In our Family Reunion Service, we go in and demonstrate how these dynamics play out each and every day, month after month. As we highlight each member’s design, the other family members become aware of how to meet each other’s needs.

So, who is coming to dinner? Who has already RSVP’d? Start now by planning to take their perspective and possess the dream of a joyful holiday season.

And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook and Rod