At Human Art we get the opportunity to meet people daily. A dynamic we have observed in talking with many people is that we as humans seem to have a soul desire to constantly function at a higher level. No matter where we find our self in life, or no matter our circumstances, we seem to strive to get to a higher or more advanced level of what we are experiencing. This can be such a good and progressive dynamic but, on the other hand, if not navigated in a healthy way it has the potential to destroy our authenticity. One of the pitfalls that we often see as part of this personal destruction, is self-doubt.

A good explanation of self-doubt is the difference in what you are expected to be and who you are originally, authentically. That difference between those two is confusing at best because we know what others might think we should be to get their approval, but we also instinctively know who we are and what we really want to be. We know where our values and talents really land.

In early child development we learn that when too much emphasis is put on external expectations, and approval, acceptance, and belonging is tied to that, a child learns that outsourcing is a superior way of getting their needs meet. One way to explain outsourcing is in the rapprochement model that we discussed last month. When a child is looking for relief and the caretaker is unavailable, they have no other choice but to look to the outside world to get their needs meet. In extreme cases they can get further with a stranger than their own preoccupied caretaker, leaving them in a habit of outsourcing their survival. When these little ones become adults, they are too familiar with looking outward for approval and acceptance instead of being anchored in their own authentic approval or supporting themselves.

I often think of outsourcing that leads to self-doubt as a person that is playing the role of jello and those they interact with as the molds. Each time they interact with someone, the jello conforms to the other’s way of doing things and to their way of accepting others, to their values, and their systems of navigating life. Then when they jump to the next person, they mold to theirs and abandon the one prior. It goes on and on each time they jump, leaving the jello confused and in a place where they have lost sight of who they were in the first place. Sometimes they can’t even access their original feelings, likes, and preferences. They now cease to operate in their own autonomy, which is defined by their own design, and is their authentic mold. Silly example but profound in its impact.

How does each design experience self-doubt that leads to outsourcing?  Let’s start this week with discussing the Saturated design. We will focus on the others in the coming weeks.

In the rapprochement model, the Saturated person needs relief when they have too many things coming at them at once. This is important to understand. When you stop and look deeper into that one dynamic of the Saturated person in your life, there is a plethora of information. If you find them in a place where too much is coming at them, the first thing you know for sure is that they need out. This is not always because they don’t think they can do something about it, it is often due to the fact that they don’t find value in doing something about it. This is where we get the phrase, “I’M OUT.” It is important to understand at that moment they don’t know why they have stepped into this space in the first place, whether it be a project, a conversation, or a relationship, and they are experiencing the first hit of self-doubt.

It plays something like this in their mind: “How did a person like me get myself in a place like this?” They are not doubting their ability to fix or navigate, they are doubting their judgment as to why they picked this particular project, conversation, or relationship in the first place. They can see they are not going to get the quality outcome they expected. They are, in a way, doubting their judgment, which is a hallmark in that design that they are very proud of—their clear logic. In this moment, they feel as though they have lost that ability to see things clearly and logically, and they feel like they are drowning without one of their best skills.

Here is an example.

Years ago, in a training for the Human Art design team, we as a staff wanted to punctuate this dynamic played out through a Saturated person. One of the talented designers was Saturated, so we purposefully called her to the front of the room and put her in a group of four or five other designers who were all high in the Whitened design. This one designer was the only one that was high in the Saturated and low in the Whitened. No one knew our intentions except the leaders of the activity. We instructed the small group to create any design they wanted, the only thing they had to do was use the supplies on a table in front of them. The supplies were covered with a sheet. When we said “begin,” they were to remove the sheet and then had 5 minutes to create a design with these items only. We wanted them to demonstrate this task in front of the others in the design team so the team could observe and learn from their skills.

We gave the command, and the small group of Whitened and the one Saturated designer removed the sheet. On the table was a pile of supplies that were flimsy and cheap in quality. Toilet paper rolls, cheap tissue paper, pipe cleaners, paper towels, balloons and confetti. At first glance the Whitened people squealed with excitement, but the Saturated designer froze. As she observed the supplies and the lack of quality, you could almost hear her thoughts and see that first step of self-doubt. She became embarrassed, and instinctively stepped away from the table. Each time she observed the items, she would take another step away from the table. Then when realizing the social pressure of the demonstration, she became frustrated with her self-doubt and visibly became overwhelmed. Her exact words were, “I’M OUT.”

The interesting thing is, the Whitened people then picked up on her stress and started doubting themselves, just because she was doubting. We quickly ended the demonstration and called her back up. We talked about the outcome and then, to her relief, brought another table out that was full of quality supplies, organized in a simple and orderly way so she could see what she had to work with. You could see her confidence come back. She immediately stepped close to the new table and reengaged in the activity.

If we could freeze that activity at the point that she saw what was on the table, we would discover that she had too much information, and she could instantly see she was not going to get a quality outcome. This would be right where a Saturated person has high potential to experience self-doubt. It is at this moment the Saturated person must decide whether to outsource their acceptance, approval, and values or inner source (trust their authentic self) them. If no one is there to offer relief or a clear solution, that would be the point in which outsourcing would begin. They might worry what others are thinking of their performance. They would start to assess what others are thinking of them. They would definitely have high potential for a considerable amount of self-doubt. Because the Saturated thought process is all or nothing, it is at this very moment you could possibly lose that connection of the Saturated person, or you could lose that Saturated person as a participant all together.

To the Saturated person, this is a good place to examine yourself and see if you would have the strength, like this designer did, to find the conditions that you need. Be determined to support yourself, negotiate from that vantage point, and re-engage (inner source), anchoring firmly from your authenticity to complete the task.

The magic of this inner sourcing is when you have the ability to follow each other in whatever design they are and negotiate the needs of both people’s design needs. If everyone in the group is inner sourcing needs and approval from the inside out we find order, which is a high need of the Saturated design. If we have everyone in the group outsourcing, we are left with chaos, which leads to zero amount of collaboration. When it comes to the Saturated people in the group, that is when they are all respectively “out.” Each one of them are out in their own way. The Saturated people are often deemed leaders of the group because of the authority that the Saturated people seen to relate to, so they often unintentionally persuade the group for good or bad.

At the end of the day, we may find ourselves asking these 2 questions:

1. 1. “Who am I?” The answer is, you are YOU. The way you came to this great earth or human experience. You are you, authentically, the way you were put together the moment you were born. Completely intact with your organic authenticity. You are you before others even had a chance to try and influence you with their agenda. You are you, the one you believe in and the you that you feel at a deep level.and
   2. “Why am I trying to find a better version of myself?”The key word in that question is the word find. If we are asking it in that way, then we are outsourcing. When we are asking the question, “Why am I trying to BE a better version of myself?”  That is when we know we are on the right path to our authentic and real self, asking the right questions that lead us to more advanced levels of functioning and learning. That is where we find progression as humans.

If you are Saturated, or high in the Saturated design, run back to those few things that are important to you. Simplify your quality and move forward from that vantage point. Sequence your growth and life in a way that you are always pointing towards and asking for what you need to advance. When you feel yourself distancing from things that are good and healthy, jump back in; be steadfast in finding quality in a way that you need it. Support yourself. Love your design. Identify it. Identify and love others for their design.

And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook