Category: Saturated

The Pursuit of Perfection: Performing to Belong vs. Being Human

Posted on August 13, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

Perfection as a human being is impossible to obtain but striving for it is a worthy goal. If we are striving for any type of perfection, the process responsibly has to be navigated with an absolute commitment to humility and knowing that it cannot be obtained, but it can be looked at for a direction or a focus.

I propose a superior and more realistic version of this journey. To simply be human. A work in progress as a human, like a piece of art being created—“Human Art.”

There are only two paths in this scenario: one is perfection and one is being human. If we pick the first, then we are picking “performing to belong.” Our focus is on perfection and our worth is determined by how well we perform. We usually pick this one because we feel the need for more control over our lives, especially if a dynamic in our life feels out of control. It’s the way we are made. If something significant feels out of control, then we feel the need to control the little things. We can get preoccupied or even obsess about them. It makes us feel like we have more power or more say in how our life is going. The problem in this choice or this path is that if we make one little mistake, no matter how tiny it is, then all is lost or at least all feels lost. To me, that is just too much pressure and adds unnecessary stress.

On the second path, the one that I recommend, being human, you just wake up each day and try your very best at being human. You can still keep your eye on that unobtainable goal of perfection, but you have that humility and expectation that you will make a few mistakes eventually, and that you can rectify them and keep moving forward. Then you retire for the night and wake up the next day, again trying your very best to be human—the human you were meant to be.

Part of the challenge with performing to belong is that the goal post can be moved based on who is defining success. Depending on your family, friends, or associates, your “script” for success can vary. Sometimes in subtle ways. For example, a Saturated person’s perfection is like a snapshot in their mind or a picture of all the components which correlate with success. This snapshot spurs their misguided motivation and guides them to achieve that image of perfection. One of our Saturated clients had an unhealthy snapshot in his mind about what his version of perfection would look like, and he was determined to achieve it. In the snapshot, he had an advanced degree, he was driving home from work in his top of the line sports car, and he had his friends waiting to adore him at his large estate. This snapshot became a map that he keeps returning to in order to drive his ambitions.

Here is the problem. In order for this person to be successful, each element or condition must be met. So in real life, what would happen if he had an advanced degree, he was driving home, and his friends are waiting with adoration, but he is driving an old broken down truck? According to the snapshot, all is lost and we cannot connect until everything is perfectly positioned. Most likely, the Saturated perfection would not tolerate having the “party” until each element was met, losing opportunities to co-generate with others organically.

On the other hand, when you are being human, you can accept and recognize all the different types of success. The snapshot has a more mindful feel to it. You love your advanced degree and the fact that you own the title to the truck, and you can’t wait to see what is new with your friends, as opposed to impressing them. Being human allows the snapshot to change and evolve as new demands and challenges arise, without feeling less than.

To the degree that you have Saturated in your design or personality is the degree that a snapshot will drive your ambition. Make sure that the quality of the snapshot is set up in your mind with the healthy “being human” path and the expectations that come with it. Quality drives a Saturated person, so in the “being human” path you can still have your snapshot to motivate you, but you will find the quality in each element of that snapshot and you learn to tolerate change and the things that life throws in your snapshot. You are brilliant at finding the quality in even the bleakest of conditions. It is just how that design works. They are the original “diamond in the rough” seekers.

So go and be human—a beautiful human, a quality human—and shine like only you can shine. Encourage others to shine and support their human version of a snapshot. People are good so celebrate them and celebrate yourself. Celebrate your life, and remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

-Brook

“Once Upon a Time “: How to Prosper in the Saturated Design

Posted on July 9, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

In the “Once Upon a Time Dynamic” we talk a lot about the beginning of any journey. We talk about how to learn more about ourselves and love our self so we can relate to others in healthy ways. We talk about how important our beliefs about our self and who we are can be. They can determine whether or not we are controlled in relationships and whether or not we can leave behind unhealthy dynamics. Add all this up and it really has the potential to determine whether or not we are going to prosper in our hopes and dreams.

What does prosper look like for each design? Each week we will look at one design to see what this looks like for them.

SATURATED

For the Saturated design, whether or not we prosper is determined by what that Saturated person deems will hit the mark for them. It is the one or two things that they keep focused on in any dream. They keep that in their sights and they stay focused.

In the “Once Upon a Time” unhealthy dynamic, where the main character believes what the controlling person in their life has projected on them, the damage is done when it destroys the order around them and the definition of the order of their dreams. Order to someone high in the Saturated design is key, it is like the air they breathe. They thrive when everything is in its prospective place. If you take that order away or more importantly, pervert it, it can have devastating effects on someone that is Saturated. The degree of their Saturated design is equal to the degree of the devastation they will experience. This is the seed of their hopelessness. That hopelessness will now become the main character in their story and everything is organized around that. The fear infused into that narrative is their fuel. All bets are off and they are literally driven by fear.

The projective identity is placed on the Saturated person when the controlling person redefines order and what it looks like in this narrative. They don’t go directly at the Saturated person’s character because that design tends to have a lot of confidence. The dominating person seems to sense this, so they get busy redefining order and what it really looks like. They also add the extra flattering narrative for themselves of how good they are at this new kind of order (defined by them) and they move forward with a false self that appears even more confident than the legitimate and authentic confidence of the Saturated design. This is the hook. The Saturated person is left in self-doubt and that is when they start to consider that the egoic, projected, made up form of order is true. As time goes on and more hits come, they believe it more and more—and those roads all lead to hopelessness for a Saturated person.

The” can be” of the Saturated design plays a role here because they see things in an “all or nothing way.” They move from the confidence of the “all” or “all in” to the helplessness, avoidance, and shut down of the “nothing”, so they tend to feel and do “nothing.”

If you are Saturated, the best way to navigate your way out of this unhealthy version of the “Once Upon a Time Dynamic” is to learn about and change the dynamics we talked about last week to move into the new and healthy “Once Upon a Time Dynamic” or starting place. It will lead to “happily ever after” kind of success. The next step is to throw out the narrative. Use that clear-thinking part of you that you already are familiar with and put your sights on whatever gives you clarity. It usually comes in the form of a declaration. Something like, “I can do this, or I’m competent, or I have dignity…” Focus on that one thing and go. Remember that your opinion of yourself in the “Once Upon a Time Dynamic” is the only one that counts in this point of your journey. Others will come later when you are healthy. You are the one to define order for yourself and then support yourself in it. It’s not selfish, it’s appropriate. It’s what is needed now. Stamp the statement and the meaning that goes with that declaration in your mind, apply it in your life and all around you. The third thing is to remember to move back to your authenticity. It is full of your values and preferences and defines what makes you feel safe. That will give you the personal power you need to navigate life.

I promise that if you want to prosper in anything, you need to know your authenticity and be able to support yourself enough to use it. Keep in mind that to prosper means to add resources to our life, to add meaning to our life, to obtain dreams, and to meet personal goals that lead to our dreams. The other part of prosper is to enjoy it when you do. It is to be grateful for it and to sit back and watch just how lucky you are to be on your own path and playing out the movie of your life, and not someone else’s script for you.

You are worth it, because everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

“Who Are You…Really?” Getting ME Back

Posted on June 25, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

There are many strategies that we as humans use to try and determine whether we can trust someone or not. One of the most common that I have heard about is deciding if people are kind and consistent. Another great way to determine if you can trust someone is if they are authentic. If they are not, it doesn’t always mean they have ill will intended for you, it could just mean they are insecure. Regardless of the reason, it is just a good way to know whether or not you can trust someone, especially with your own vulnerabilities.

If someone is not authentic and is trying to project a self that is not really them, it can mean that they don’t even trust themselves. If this is the case, they might not be a great candidate for someone to confide in or draw close to you. A manufactured self cannot generate anything because they are not a real self, just a projected version of who that person wants you to believe they are.

If you find yourself in a place where you are the one projecting something that you are not, it might be time to ask yourself, “who am I?” and start the process of getting your true self back.

We all seem to experience trials to some degree and, as we have discussed in the past few weeks, that puts us in a position to lose a little or a lot of who we really are. It is at this point we need to do an about face and run right back to who we really are authentically.

*Photo Source: Pexels (text added by Human Art)*

The first step to that is take a trip down memory lane and think about those things that were important to you when you were very young. Children usually don’t have an agenda to impress, they just seem to love to explore, and it seems natural to them to be curious. If you look back to when you were young you will find clues about how you were made, your design, and personality, and what you were beginning to value.

Second, think of your hopes and dreams. What are the things that bring meaning to you and your life? Spend time focusing on and discussing these with safe people around you. It will keep the focus on those things and can create a passion to see them out.

Third, assess regrets. Ask yourself what you regret not doing and, if it is healthy, make a plan to do it or have a do over. Find a way in your situation to slowly incorporate changes in some way to eliminate regret and move forward.

Lastly, remember that your design is unique and you are made completely different than anyone else. However, each design has a few different regrets in common, so it might be a helpful start to evaluate where you want to begin your journey in getting back to who you are authentically.

SATURATED
They love order, so any regrets usually have to do with not having the discipline to create the order around them that they need. They also love appropriateness or dignity so anytime they step off that kind of integrity, it eats at them. If that is the case, it is a good idea to have the healthy conversations needed to set the record straight as to what is really important to them and what they value.

WHITENED
They love enrolling, so when they have had situations where they have left someone out it eats at them. If this is the case, to make it right they either need to go back and make that person feel a part of things or, if that is not possible or unhealthy, just learn from it and correct that dynamic in future interactions. Make sure that same mistake is not repeated. Whitened people also love change, so if you find yourself relating to this and you are not creating the spontaneity in your life that leads to healthy growth, create it. Don’t wait for others to do it, you do it for yourself and enjoy all those that are willing to experience it with you.

GRAYED
They value tradition and thread relationships, so when a tradition gets cut off or a thread relationship in your life has been cut off, this can eat at them. If this is the case, bring back those old important traditions and create them again in a way that is meaningful to you. It might not be exactly the same and with the exact same people, but find components of the tradition that are fulfilling and bring them into the start of a new tradition, be the guard of it, and make sure it happens from now on. Take ownership of it. If relationships have been cut off and they are good healthy relationships, reach out. It doesn’t have to be much. Just a, “hello how are you?” to start that connection again.

BLACKENED
They value tasks and being able to fix it. If they have regrets it usually has to do with not mending or fixing something. If it is healthy and good for everyone around, then take the time to go back and fix what you missed. If it is not healthy, change the expectation of the fix and create a new compartment int your brain for “fixing is not fixing.” It is being able to label it “let it go” or not worth it.” Don’t save unhealthy things as something to fix or check off, just re-label them as not fixable and then you can move on. Take it off the list of things to fix.

These might not be representative of the whole journey of getting your authentic self back, but they are a great place to start evaluating what needs to happen in order to get your authenticity back or make it stronger. You are worth it, and it is a matter of telling those around you that they can trust you because you are honest about who you are.

Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

Getting Our Sense of Self Back – The Saturated and Whitened Shine

Posted on June 11, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

As we go through our life in the day to day activities and tasks, we can experience trauma at any time. It can be quite dramatic sometimes, but for the most part we all experience trauma on the lighter end of the spectrum in our day to day routine. For this reason, we don’t always recognize it, and we also don’t recognize that that is what leads to a slight drop in sense of self. Little by little these hits can add up and create a crisis in our sense of self, who we really are, and our self-love.

We had a woman at Human Art experience this dynamic. She grew up in a family who loved her and met her physical needs quite well. Emotionally however, there was a family script that went back for generations that was full of rules and led to a great amount of perfection and harshness. It’s just all her family knew, and they were doing the best that they could. They managed to get through her upbringing, but she noticed as an adult she struggled with relationships and bonding. It led her to reach out and ask us for help. She realized that over time she had lost who she was and what her authenticity even looked like. We educated her on the fact that this was an example of one of these “small” traumas that had the potential to take her away from who she really was. Every time someone treated her with any level of perceived harshness it put her in a place of fear and she would flip into survival mode. Not a great place to try and relate or bond with people.

Many of us find ourselves in a similar situation, no matter the underlying reason, where we have lost our authentic self and let fear rule. So let’s talk about how we use our personality or authenticity (however much we have of it at any given time) to get our sense of self back. It is important to use the traits that are in our design to find our way back to who we really are so we can relate to others and bond with them in that authentic way.

The Saturated and Whitened Authenticity

One thing that the Saturated and Whitened designs have in common is, when we look at the colors that they both relate to, no matter what the color is it is always better when it has a shine added to it. Both designs relate to it. When it comes to interacting and relating with others, it is the very same. Both of these designs like to shine.

A Saturated person wants to shine through quality. If they are assigned to any task or project they themselves don’t want to have the attention on themselves, they want the quality of what they are engaged in to shine. It is a communication of sorts, to let people know that it is credible.

The Whitened design likes to shine in the fact that they are enrolling others. They love to draw attention to anything that will show something is enrolling or fun to bring people together.

In either design, they love to shine. When trauma happens, no matter how small, it takes them out of their ability to shine, and just the fact that someone or something is dulling them down can be traumatic for their sense of self and self-love.

The road back for these two designs is to continue, or maybe even try again, to shine. Whether it be in small or big ways, it is important to start. You could shine in a conversation or a small task, you could shine in a talent or a project. Just shine. It will jump start you back to your authenticity and a sense of self in the way that you relate to it.

This week encourage anyone that has Whitened or Saturated designs to shine. Whether it be yourself or someone you know, it is the week of those who love to shine. It will be helpful to all.

And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

Design Inner Conflict: The Saturated Design

Posted on May 7, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

What is a “design inner conflict?” It is just like it sounds: a conflict within your design. An argument of sorts, with yourself. The conflict shows up in your relationship with yourself and it manifests itself in your inner dialogue. It is those thoughts and conversation you have inside your mind.

Because of the fact that we have all four designs and each has its own central focus, that central focus wants to win out; so it fights with the central focus of the other designs—especially your second design personality.

For example, my Saturated and Whitened are equal and they are my dominant designs. The central focus of the Saturated design is that I crave order in my life, while my Whitened craves change and that manifests itself in creativity. The inner conflict is: do I pick order, or do I create spontaneity? The questions go on and on in my head. It could be something as simple as, “do I clean a closet out, or do I spend that time designing a new living space?” They both seem equally important to me at any given time.

We are going to talk this month about these “design inner conflicts” and how they might occur within each dominant and secondary design.

Tonight, let’s talk about the Saturated design. Those who are high in that design will relate to this explanation, but those who are not should still pay attention for the sake of those in their life that are Saturated.

Saturated with an Influence of Whitened
As I stated previously, the Saturated design has a need for order. They like things simple and they thrive when there is a lot of negative space around them. That is a lot of nothing or empty space. So they would want things quiet and calm. Their Whitened however, would sit in the calm quiet and then want to socialize it with others; so they would have the need to fill that space with other people or with something to do. It would be a fight to see which one wins out.

Saturated with an Influence of Grayed
The central focus of the Grayed design is to process and really pay attention to the details and connections. So if someone is Saturated first with a secondary Grayed design, the inner conflict would not be so much of a fight back and forth as much as the inner dialogue would blend. But the details or facts that are important to each design are what would have that back and forth dialogue, which would have the potential to overwhelm the Saturated-Grayed person.

Saturated with an Influence of Blackened
The Blackened influence as a secondary to the Saturated could create a collision of sorts in their thoughts. The Saturated would want to take charge in the sequencing, but the Blackened logic would want to be practical. Something as simple as wanting to purchase an item that is quality and worthwhile to the Saturated part of the design, but then the Blackened resourcefulness talks themselves out of it. Often times they express regret, not buyers regret, but regret that they don’t have enough quality around them.

This week, write down what is most important to your Saturated design if you are Saturated first, then write down the things that create a conflict with it. Learn to work it out with both designs, just as if they are small children you have to help regulate. After a while it will become natural and you will find yourself on your way to supporting yourself. That in the end is the goal.

Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook