“I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing in Perfect Harmony”

Posted on December 11, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

“I’d like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony.” I would like for myself to be able to sing in perfect harmony, but unfortunately, I cannot. What I can do is teach the world to SEE in perfect harmony.

Think of the state of the world right now. What are the things that you worry about? What are the issues that you disagree with others on? It seems as if lately we are all worried about some of these things? When those conversations come up (and they will) look even closer to the ones we love and how we interact with them when they do. Focus for a minute on what those conversations look like and how we go about them in our own families.

We see a lot of families over a week’s time at Human Art. They come in to Human Art in all sizes and forms. Each one is different and comes through the door with different challenges. I will say what I always say, “People are good.” Sometimes though, we can struggle in families. That is where I think we could focus.

That line again, “I’d like to teach the world to sing (or see) in perfect harmony.” When we hear it, whether it be from the song or in ads, it still rings the same in your heart. Just stop for a second and think of the intention of this statement: “in perfect harmony.” Harmony is not created by everyone singing the same notes together, but by everyone singing different notes that work beautifully together.

How do we obtain “perfect harmony” in a family?
We do it through acceptance and understanding.
Accepting and understanding for each individual.

You first have to accept their story, how they have gotten here so far in life. The facts, yes, but more importantly, how did they experience them?

Then you start the journey of understanding. You are curious and you use discovery. You don’t figure it out looking through your lens or filter, but you hear the story through the narration of what is happening through their lenses.

Each person will experience the same situation differently according to their design. I’ll say it again. You could experience the exact same thing, side by side, with exactly the same facts and, because of the difference in each design’s thought process, you will experience it completely different.

The Saturated Design
They will take all facts in, not processing as much as they are just absorbing. They just let them sit in that space in their brain until they get enough information to draw a conclusion and then it comes. A declaration. It will be precisely how they feel about the event and that will end up being their story. They will most likely stick to it pretty firmly.

The Whitened Design
They will take in how they, and more importantly how everyone else, is experiencing the facts. When they give their report it is most likely focused on the group and how each individual, “did this,” and, “then they saw that,” and they will throw in a, “and you should have seen so and so respond, it was amazing.” They will practically reenact the excitement (good or bad) so you get the full picture and they will always match the enthusiasm, or whatever emotion was present, of the event. They also will match the emotion of the person listening to the report.

The Grayed Design
You can almost see the swirls of facts in their expression, because they are collecting information as they experience an event. They immediately move to connecting the contingencies and their intuitive nature comes out. It is like their emotional engines are quietly starting up and through that intuitive nature they will experience the highs and lows of an event. That is how they can recall details so well. When asked, “what happened?” they go back and re-experience the emotion and it rekindles the memory.

The Blackened Design
They just move to fix. They can experience details of an event at the same time as their body moves to fix it. They are taking in the what, where, when, and the biggest component that helps them process any event, THE WHY. The why or why not is how they remember the details because it is the system in which they experienced the details. As they recite them they will often say, “that was good they did this,” or “I don’t know why they did that.” It is just the system in which it rolled out for them.

So as you are spending time with family or close ones that feel like family, think of their harmony or personality and accept their way of thinking. You don’t change yours, you just negotiate from those two ways of thinking. It’s like you are seeing one event from many different sides. I promise if we do this when we are interacting with our loved ones, we will start to see one little Christmas miracle after another pop up. Probably nothing huge, but the impact on the harmony in the relationships with be great.

So at this time of events and parties, sing (even if it’s not in perfect harmony), laugh, accept, and understand…The more we do this, the more we will begin to SEE in perfect harmony. Live and love, and remember:

everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

**Song referenced: “I’d like to teach the world to sing (in perfect harmony)”, originally recorded in 1971, with several versions published over the years.

Silent Night

Posted on December 4, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

We have talked a lot the last couple of weeks about the holiday season. There has been so much good energy at Human Art around this holiday season and it has only just begun. We have talked about relationships and how this time of year is a perfect time to enhance those relationships with others by really understanding them. The celebrating of each other and honoring their design seems to be the focus of everything we discuss this year.

I want to take you back many years ago to a time that had that same feeling. It is also one of the reasons “Silent Night” is one of my favorite Christmas songs. It happened in my parent’s home on Christmas evening. First, let me give you a little background on what was happening leading up to this particular Christmas.

As you know, I come from an extremely artistic family. We grew up developing the Human Art program in our home. We are all artists of some sort. Our parents were artists by trade and we spent much time developing the program and understanding personalities and composing and creating things that each personality would love. It was no different when it came to creating something for someone within the family. It was always emphasized in our home with our siblings and parents that we were always to honor and celebrate each other’s designs or personalities. This particular year was no exception; the instructions for gift giving were the same—we drew a name and bought a gift for that family member and it was always in their design. The difference this year was that we had to do something special for the person that we drew out. There was a new rule put in place just for this one year. You had to use your creative abilities to do something really special for that person. It had to focus on what they loved and celebrated them. The main rule was we had to make it from scratch and we could only spend three dollars on supplies. It was declared a “homemade Christmas.”

We all spent the weeks before discussing how we were going to make this happen. “THREE DOLLARS, WE ARE SUPPOSED TO MAKE SOMETHING WORK FOR THREE DOLLARS?!” was a common quote that rang through the family at that time.

Christmas afternoon came and it was time to gather at my parent’s home for the “Homemade Christmas.” We ate and then the gift exchange began. The first gift was my dad’s, he had one of my younger sisters names. He had taken five one dollar bills and made a contemporary statue of sorts of a sleek dinosaur. It was beautiful. Then one of my sister-in-laws had collected natural plants and dried them for another sister who love to arrange flowers. It went on and on and with 12 siblings and one adopted. It was an afternoon full of loud, happy laughter, and love.

The last present was from my brother Sean to my mother. He had sat so quietly watching all the others laugh and celebrate each other. He seemed to just be taking it all in. Then we announced it was his turn to give my mom her present. He left the room and returned a few minutes later with a wrapped package in his arms. He knelt next to my mom where she was sitting on the floor and handed her the package wrapped in brown grocery sack paper. She opened it and I will never forget this image. The room went quiet, and in seconds a spirit filled the room, the spirit of Christmas, yet not one word was uttered or no sound made. Just a feeling. She had put her forehead tenderly against the frame of what we could conclude was a picture but it was facing her so we could not see its subject. She sat there and cried for I don’t know how long. It didn’t matter how long. I was so caught up in the feeling. It was night by now, and all of us were there and it was completely silent. We all just sat there and experienced this exchange between my brother and my mom.

Silent night
Holy night
All is calm
All is bright

*The picture of Sommer done by Brook’s brother Sean*

That’s exactly how it felt. I wished I could just freeze that moment forever and enjoy it over and over again.

Finally, without saying a word, my mom caught her breath and turned the picture around to reveal a beautiful piece of art that Sean had composed for her of our beautiful Down’s Syndrome sister Sommer who was an angel in heaven looking down on my family at that very moment. She had passed a few years prior to that Christmas.

That is what I now refer to as a “Silent Night moment.” Just as we celebrate the gift of the baby Jesus, we can also celebrate and give service to each other. When we learn to love each human for who they are and what they love, we can listen to them and their story and understand where they are coming from. No agenda except to serve them, to understand them. That’s how we can truly serve one another.

Everyone once in while we get it right, and we know it because it just happens. That “Silent Night” moment where no words are spoken, it is just a feeling. An exchange of sorts from one human to another that seems to whisper, “yes I get you” and, “yes I do care.” There are no appropriate words, just the exchange of a feeling. We have chances every day to create this, we just have to pay attention and act on it. That’s when it comes; it comes in a feeling, the spirit of a Silent Night moment and it leaves behind a feeling of peace—

“Heavenly peace.”

That is my wish for you this year while entering this holiday season. Look for those Silent Night moments and take advantage of them. Celebrate someone, anyone. Your family, someone at work. a friend or even a stranger on the street. You know you have understood their authenticity when you have that quiet exchange that seems to say, “I understand.” There is no better gift at Christmas time.

It is so important to remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

Gift Giving: Do you Deck the Halls or say Bah, Humbug?

Posted on November 27, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

The minute Thanksgiving is over, before you can pause to take a breath, it seems as if we turn our attention to gifts. We make our list, we shop black Friday, and our attention is on what we are going to get those important people in our life for Christmas.

When carefully creating a list or a least a plan for gift giving, are you a “Deck the Halls” kind of person, or do you find yourself in more of a “Bah, Humbug” kind of mood in that moment? I find that whichever attitude best fits you for gift giving can significantly determine your attitude over the entire Christmas holiday season.

Most of these attitudes have to do with how confident we are in the gifts or gestures we are planning for our loved ones. We want them to know how we feel, and our gift or expression of giving is a

direct correlation to how that might be perceived from our loved one’s point of view. Sometimes we give the gift a lot of thought but it doesn’t seem to translate in that spirit all of the time.

Let us help you out. First, knowing the person’s personality or design is important when it comes to expressing our love to our loved ones. What is important to them and how we give it shows that we really pay attention and know what they like. At Human Art we call this our “Love Designs.” Here are some tips for each personality or harmony to make things a little easier for you this Christmas.

♥ For your Saturated loved ones:
Their love design is Wine and Dine. They love and appreciate when you set time or resources aside to really do something special. Listen to what that one most important thing for the season is. They will usually state in declarations, such as:
“If I could have one thing this year…”
“All I want for Christmas is…”
“I really don’t want anything except…”
When they say this, they mean it. They really don’t want a lot of little gestures.They would rather you save your resources to get what they deem important. It’s not the quantity, it’s the quality for them. And make it special. Punctuate the importance of whatever you are giving.

♥ For your Whitened loved ones:
Their love design is surprise, and social. Anticipate their needs. They love a lot of fun things and activities but it increases the magic when they can share it with those they love. The more the merrier. Listen and see what they do for others and turn it around and do it back for them. They love surprises with others there to experience it with them. If you could turn Christmas into a surprise party they would love it.

♥ For your Grayed loved ones:
their love design is romance through the details. They love the tradition of things. Connecting with others during the holidays is so important to them. Honor their traditions and romance all of the experiences through the details. Talk about it before hand, involve them in the details as you go, then connect with them after to see how they felt about it. It will go a long way and will create a Christmas to remember.

♥ For your Blackened loved ones:
Their love design is “get ‘er done.” They would love for you to get them something that can lighten their load. It is all about the tasks. Think of what has been on their list of things to fix for a while and then get them something to make that happen; make it easier with a tool, spend some time helping them do it, or give them the resources they need to do it. It will make for a merry one for all involved.

So as you are going down your list, also write a note to the side of each name that reminds you of their design and think more of their love design rather than just buying them something just to have gotten them something. It will lead to a “Deck the Halls” kind of Christmas and you will experience more excitement than they do as you really communicate with their design.

Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

For a downloadable love designs reference guide, become a member of the Human Art Classroom

→ Related Post: Valentine Validation: The Love Designs

Have Some Compassion, Take a Break, and Step Back from the Can Be’s

Posted on November 20, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

We are all so busy at this time of year. We have events, parties, performances, and even just the weight of getting the right gifts for each other. As fun as the holiday season is, there can be some pressure. This is the time of year at Human Art we notice people getting down on themselves in small ways in which they feel they don’t measure up. As humans, anytime there is pressure and then we add comparison to the mix, that is a recipe for feeling inadequate. When there is pressure to perform in any way it causes us to reflect on where we might need more tools. It literally illuminates our lack of skills in any area. You could look at it with any amount of shame, but we also have the choice to see it as a moment of introspection–our brain doing inventory and helping us to see where we could add a skill or two to make us an even stronger functioning human. That is a gift if we navigate it in a healthy way.

One thing that I know for sure is that people are good.

Working with people on a daily basis and seeing so many different designs and personalities, it is so beautiful to see a common thread in all of us–that is the desire to do better for ourselves and for those around us. We all want to be healthy and we all desire healthy relationships at some level. It is an amazing thing to watch and, if you look closely, that process of fighting for those very things is an attractive desire that we all have in common.

When we find ourselves feeling shame:

1. It is critical to have some self compassion.
Self compassion is your companion in this emotional journey to running in to any lack of skills, trial, or when trying to strengthen our character. Some people might feel some strong emotion at this point because they mistake step one of giving our self compassion as an easy out or a reason to not grow or develop more skills. That is not what I am referring to. We are not covering up our lack of skills with compassion, we are simply running our assessment of what skills we need to add to the ones we already have and bringing compassion along as a constant companion. It is the only way we can tolerate looking at our deprivation with out falling into the trap of shaming ourselves. When we experience shame, we know the process of healthy learning has considerably slowed down and navigating in a healthy way is constricted.

2. Take a break.
Take a break from the destructive thinking and turn it around to what’s possible. What is my desired skill? Where do I want to end up? What tool do I need? The break in step two is intended to slow things down, so we can think. It is not intended to stop abruptly, that could elicit discouragement. We simply want to slow our thoughts down and start to reason in a tolerant way. We want to focus on the desired skill, think of how we got here, or our story. Process it with compassion. Then focus on what we want. Find joy in the fact that we are growing, we are developing. Find anything we have done a little better and keep doing that. The worst thing we can do is speed up our expectations of results. That could launch us into pressure again and then we are back into the shame loop. Slow it down and keep a constant pace. It is the consistency that will help us obtain healthy skills, the very ones we desire. Most likely we will pick up some added unintended skills along the way as a bonus to our consistency.

3. Step back from the “can be”
Every design has a potential “Can Be.” It is when a positive trait goes out of its bounds and becomes a negative. The good news is that once this happens it is only one step back into turning it back into a positive trait again. All is never lost. The reason we call them “Can Be’s” is that just because you have a particular design or personality, it does not mean you automatically have the correlating “can be”, it just means there is potential to go into the “can be” when we feel inadequate or when we are in the shame cycle. It is important to properly asses traits and use them responsibly in this way of thinking. For example a trait like “discipline” is a positive trait, but if we overuse discipline, it goes out of its bounds and becomes rigid and controlling. If we slow things down and recognize we are out of its bounds, it is one step back to discipline.

Can Be’s and the Designs

Saturated

Trait	Can Be
In Control	Controlling
Cool	Aloof
Clear Thinker	Uncompromising

Whitened

Trait	Can Be
Enrolling	Over Enroll
Spontaneous	Random
Child-like	Unaccountable

Grayed

Trait	Can Be
Meticulous	Over-analyze
Detail-Oriented	Avoidance
Conservative	Disengage

Blackened

Trait	Can Be
Fix-it mentality	Forceful
Resourceful	Resourceful to a fault
Honest	Abrupt

The examples of the “can be’s” will be helpful in our focus of obtaining more skills of healthy living and interacting. When we feel our self functioning in a “can be”, pause and step back into its positive and immediately move on. Don’t dwell on the “can be”, just recognize it and step away from it. It will get easier to recognize when you are going into the “can be” over time if you are continuously paying attention to it. Keeping a steady pace in this type of development leaves us with hope.

That leads us back to our focus. Stay focused one this 1,2,3 process and stay out of shame as we are navigating any time of year or season in our journey through this wonderful life. When we find ourselves feeling pressure, any type of pressure to perform, remember you have the basic human right to develop, to become better, to evolve and to your own process and journey. Don’t fall into the shame and comparison trap. I promise it will get you nowhere. Love your personality, celebrate others, and focus on where you want to end up. Have compassion for how you have gotten this far. I personally love the journey and I adore the human race.

And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

Projected Perfection–How Fast Did You Get There?

Posted on November 13, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

One of my little family’s favorite vacations in the past was going with a group of extended family members to our cabin near beautiful Jackson Hole, Wyoming. It is approximately 5 hours by car. This distance is very important because it is a 5-hour journey through some of the most beautiful country you have ever seen. The brilliance in this journey is that there are 4 different routes that you can pick from, each one with a different menu of landmarks, historical sights and, for us, even family history. There are also eating places to stop and experience in a way that you can’t experience anywhere else. The question is which one to take each time. It sounds a bit like Heaven and has the potential to feel that way, but it is not; and let me tell you why.

With this particular group of family, the speed in which you arrive is equal to how perfect you are in the family relationship. Let me state this again: your arrival time added to the route that you took, yes how fast you got there, is how you find value in this family dynamic.

As each group of cars arrives at the beautiful cabin, the driver’s first item of business is to announce the route he took and how quickly he has gotten there. Some have even boosted their credibility in this family system by adding stories of getting pulled over because they were driving so fast. The more people you have in your car to cater to or the more adversity you experienced on the drive, like a flat tire or terrible slow drivers, just seems to add to your credibility. There is usually little mention to the beautiful scenery.

As silly as this might be, it is a dynamic that is played out daily in our families and close relationships. It is perfectionism at its best.

I feel as if we as humans also get in our vehicles of navigating relationships and decide which route we are going to take and go full throttle forward in a quest to arrive at this projection of perfection; to say, “I AM PERFECT AND NO ONE CAN BEAT MY TIME.”

The danger in this is that though we have the right to make this decision for our self—the right to navigate relationships this way, running for a projection of perfection in the way we think will make us look or appear to be a perfect human (it’s not healthy but we still can choose that way)—we often enlist our passengers (those around us that we love) to come along for the ride and ask them to project the same narrative of perfection.

We see it all the time. The parent that has an idea of what their projection of perfection might look like and the speed or rate in which it is supposed to be obtained. When the child or loved one does anything to mess that plan up, everyone pays. How about the significant other? Once the partner deems them “theirs” they start the process of going through their journey, or route, through life in the mindset that that spouse is now somehow a direct reflection on them and their perceived projection (do not expose or slow them down!). We are all guilty of this to some degree. That is just how we are as humans.

Stop…I promise it does not work.

I’m calling it for everyone, including myself, once and for all. Stop this narrative of performing to belong. Don’t get me wrong, performing is good. Significance is good. It is critical to evolving and becoming better. It’s how we propel forward and it is where progression lives. Achieving is great! It is about how we are going about it and about getting our significance through the correct source.

That source should be our authenticity, our learning, and our process. It is all about getting significance through our uniqueness, and our talents, and character. The best part of that is that we don’t have to be perfect—we can be human. We can make mistakes and not all is lost. We can slow down and look at the scenery and decide what we like and don’t like. We can take back roads and detours and learn from them. And the place we arrive at is perfect in who we are; filled with what we have learned, what we like, love, or dislike. It is our autonomy and we write it. We don’t project it. It is not a narrative, it is a story that unfolds daily, and we can’t wait to see what happens next. We are partnered with those we love and curiosity to see what the next chapter is, and we all have the right to choose a route and see what we get from it; with the right to back up and choose another route with the support of others to see what we get from that one.

It is critical to drive forward in our authenticity, our design.

If you are Saturated, find your one most important thing that you want to see from the route you take. Pick your version of quality and communicate it to those around you, then move forward with the ability to change the route if you are not achieving the quality you need. Don’t get stuck in being unmovable.

If you are Whitened, make it social and thrive in change. Make it about the people you are with. Anticipate needs, enroll others, and make it safe. Avoid the urge to get random if you are not getting enough spontaneity. Communicate your intent and keep the environment safe and neutral. That is what you are good at.

if you are really pondering this article then I would suspect you are Grayed. Start the process of connecting and romancing the details of this trip through life. You have a beautiful flexibility that can process ahead as to all the can be’s might be’s, etc. You are brilliant at possibilities. Yes, you can create more routes. Four routes will never be enough for you. Drive ahead but resist the urge to avoid if it doesn’t look good. Stay engaged, ask questions. When you feel like avoiding, stay in for a few more minutes. It will serve you and all of the others involved.

If you are already lining things up to fix this you are Blackened. The “get ‘er done” people. You are the ones that are prone to stop and help someone with a flat tire or a broken down vehicle, so stop. Serve, love, and listen. There is so much more to fix if you will listen. You can still be moving forward and working while you listen. Just stay open as you move, don’t get forceful. Casualness is your hallmark; you can enroll and influence anyone if it is neutral and casual.

So let’s once and for all on this great earth stop this destructive dynamic of performing to belong. We are better than that. We are to intelligent. Let’s perform to be human.

And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook