Tag: self love

Let’s NOT Eat Worms: Overcoming Barriers (Part 3)

Posted on by Brook Thornley

This week, we are continuing our discussion of ways to jump start our self-love (Read Part 1, Read Part 2) by talking about step 3: Accountability is all you….. guard your perimeter.

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How about let’s not eat worms. In the song the kids sang, “I’m going to go eat worms,” the original problem was not that these kids really wanted to eat worms, the original problem, or BARRIER, was that the kids believed no one liked them. They really thought they had no or very little value. So the “go eat worms,” part was just the product of how they felt, and what they believed about themselves. In their responsibility to themselves, believing that no one liked them was an example of  not showing up for themselves. It was completely understandable because they were just small children. As adults though, we have to really think about our responsibility to ourselves. We are responsible to heal our own wounds.

In our relationship with our self, our belief system is crucial. Our belief system, or what we believe about ourselves, can either be our accountability or responsibility for our self or a big barrier that we cant seem to get past. Whichever of the two we believe is how we will show up in every aspect of life.

When we are not responsible for our self we show up wanting to be rescued. The hard part of this dynamic is that sometimes it is tempting to just sing the part “I’m  going to go eat worms,” as loud as we possibly can in hopes that someone will hear it and respond in a rescuer role.  That weak part of us would really like someone to stop and notice we just sang the “GO EAT WORMS” part of the song and they gasp and say, “did someone say they were going to go eat worms!? We cant have that! I will be responsible for their pain and take it all away!” That seems like an attractive option sometimes, it would be a lot easier. The problem is, it does nothing for our sense of self, our self esteem, or self love. If someone is constantly trying to rescue you we really have to look at that relationship. In that role, especially if they show up again and again saving us (whether it is intentional or unintentional), they are robbing us of our power and independence and become a controller in our life.

(Photo Credit: pixelery / 123RF Stock Photo)

A much better option is to show up in our responsibility to our self.  Move our own barriers. The best way I know how is through our authenticity, our design. Hold on to the traits we love about our design. If you are Saturated, love that you are a clear thinker and use that precision to march right through your barrier. If you are Whitened, use your social engagement and your strong ability to handle change and love it, to spring right over any barrier. If you are Grayed, no one can stick to a process like you can and find depth in the details; it’s like your consistency can evaporate the barrier. And if you are Blackened, it’s your ability to get things done–because you innately find the why, how, when, what to the barrier–that lets you take an emotional sledge hammer to the barrier so you never have to deal with it again (and no one else will either); you just destroy it with your hard work.

The important part is to know who you are and to be able to describe your authenticity through your design. Then when you know it put it in that space all around you; what we call our personal space. Remodel it with your authentic self and all the traits that come with your design. As you move around going about your day, so will those traits and the feeling that comes with them. Guard that perimeter and keep the bad out and the good in. It’s really up to you. Your new song will be about  how much you love yourself.  We can finally leave the worms out of the story.

Remember everyone is a masterpiece, especially you.

-Brook


If you are interested in overcoming your barriers, at Human Art: The Original Personality Test we can teach you how to create a profile of your personal design. Learn more about the services we offer here.

Big Fat Juicy Ones, Little Itty Bitty Ones, I’ll Just Go Eat Worms (Part Two)

Posted on by Brook Thornley

In our last post, we introduced the topic of “self-love” and I shared 3 ways to jump start it. The steps were:

  1. Whatever you want in your life…you must become
  2. Find your freedom through your customized value system
  3. Accountability is all you….. guard your perimeter

Last week we learned about step 1 (Read Part 1) Today let’s move on to the next one.

In the second verse of the song that the kids in my neighborhood would sing, it states,”Big fat juicy ones, little itty bitty ones…” It is as if even the worms had value or strong identities. They described the uniqueness of each worm and yet could not find any value in themselves. It seems like when we are down, it looks like everyone and everything has worth but us. When our sense of self or self-love is low, we get preoccupied in finding value in everything else around us that seems to punctuate our deprivation or lack of worth.

This leads us to step two, “Find Your Freedom Through Your Customized Value System.” If you find yourself suffering from low self-worth or if you are feeling inadequate, we can pinpoint one dynamic: a FALSE NARRATIVE. A false narrative can be, “you’re not good enough,” “Nobody likes you,” or “You are invisible,” or just a feeling of insecurity. The narrative is like a story line which someone projects onto you and then keeps it going by creating a culture around you which supports it.

For example, someone could deem you weak and then bring attention to it whenever they get a chance until you and others around you start to believe it. The narrative isn’t true. The problem is not with the narrative; the problem is that you believe the narrative. The narrative wraps around you or encircles you and you start to organize your life around it. Narratives are like emotional captivity. We can inherit them from authority figures or people who we just met. The narrative can be short or long.

A customized value system is the key to neutralizing any negative narrative which has been superimposed on your life. There are many different types of value systems. There are civic ones, family ones, religious ones, or business ones. What I want to focus on is your personal value system. Let me describe a little bit of what one might look like. I started building mine one value at a time. When I looked for my value, I had to find one which was attractive to me and I had to desire it. The fact that I desired it, made it a value. The first one that I desired was being nice. Nice was my value. I identified with it since I was a small girl. I love being nice and I always have. I love nice people. I like watching people be nice to each other. I am not perfectly nice all the time but it doesn’t change my value for being nice.

Now, here is the most important part. Customizing the value is critical. Being nice looks different for each of the different harmonies. For the Saturated personality, nice is keeping things calm and peaceful. For the Whitened personality, nice is matching your enthusiasm or emotion. To the Grayed personality, nice is listening and connecting and empathizing. To the Blackened personality, nice is fixing whatever hurt you.

Whatever values we choose to focus on, when we customize our values, our uniqueness emerges and shines.  Just like the second verse of the worm song,  if I was going to be a worm I would like to be the NICE JUICY ONE. What would you like to be?

And remember everyone and everything is a masterpiece.

-Brook

 

“Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me, I’m Going to go Eat Worms”

Posted on by Brook Thornley

“Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I’m going to go eat worms!” It is true, some of the kids in my neighborhood when I was a little girl would sing this little song or chant often. The interesting thing is this little group of kids were the very kids that I loved and admired.

I saw a bit of this same dynamic in junior high. There was a girl that ran in the same circle of friends as me that would seek me out sometimes and tell me she really needed to talk to me. When she had my attention, she would declare with a lot of pain in her demeanor, “No one will talk to me. I don’t have one person that will listen to me. I am invisible.” That struck me so strange because I was sitting there with loads of empathy for her. I believed her. I am telling you, I could feel her pain. I could see it, but at the same time I was confused because I was sitting there listening to her. This leads me to a very important subject.

As a child we have to wait for others, especially adults, to entreat us, to listen to us, to validate us—and often times they don’t. They fall short. To those who have experienced this pain I am sorry this happened. Looking forward, as an adult, we must be aware that it is a totally different thing or dynamic in ord

er to heal. We are now responsible for healing our own wounds.

I’m cringing right now because sometime when I say this it has the possibly of coming across as a minimization of the deep-rooted pain that in some cases is very real. It might even elicit some defenses.

Don’t stop reading. My intent is exactly the opposite. If we can accept this and run in to it, it will do the opposite. It will provide relief.

The most important part of healing your own wounds is to love yourself.  This is all about your sense of self or self love. It falls in the category of your relationship with yourself, not your relationship with others. If you have no idea what your relationship with yourself looks like just examine your self talk. How you talk to yourself is an indicator of how you feel about yourself.

I want you to find a pen and write the following down somewhere, or put it on your screensaver on your phone, or where ever you will see it often.

WE CAN ONLY ACCEPT LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE FROM OTHERS TO THE LEVEL WE LOVE AND ACCEPT OURSELVES.

We are going to walk through 3 steps of jumpstarting your sense of self or your self-love or your self-esteem, however you want to put it.

The 3 Steps Are:

  1. Whatever you want in your life…you must become
  2. Find your freedom through your customized value system
  3. Accountability is all you….. guard your perimeter

I would like to focus on number one today and then we will address the other two in the following weeks.

1. Whatever you want more of in your life, you must become

For example, if you want people to seek you out then you must be the type of person that seeks out others. If you want people to talk to you, you must talk to others. If you want more kindness in your life, your priority must be being kind to others.

Too often we sit in our wound and wait for others to come fix it; yet we can’t see that they are trying but don’t hold the healing ability. You are the only one who does. Yes they can be a support system, but asking them to do it for you is called “outsourcing your healing.” It is literally like trying to hire it out. It never works; it will fail you. It is like wanting to go swimming at a public pool with the desire to enjoy the water, but driving there and sitting in your car, refusing to get out, and waiting for someone to bring the pool to you with all the fun that comes with it—the life guard, the people splashing, the sun…And when that doesn’t happen we are left disappointed in others; that they let us down and, because of their lack of thoughtfulness that they didn’t show up for us, we didn’t get to enjoy the water. I think we have all experienced a version of that in one way or another. The fallacy is that we are not looking at our responsibility to ourselves.  If we want to enjoy the water, we have to go jump in.

This week I challenge you to try being exactly what you want more of in your life. See what shows up. If you do, the healthy people who can enjoy it with you will start showing up to meet you there. That is good information. And for those who don’t or can’t show up that way; it is okay. They are learning also. Don’t judge. Who knows, maybe in your new place of showing up as the person you want to be might inspire an idea of who they want to be. Someday they might surprise you and meet you there. For now, enjoy the water and be patient with one another because everyone is a masterpiece!

-Brook

**If you want more help in discovering what you want more of in your life, become a member of the Human Art Classroom and learn more about your personal design.

Combat Negativity: Become Your Own News

Posted on by Brook Thornley

Did you check the news today?

It seems as if the world has quite a bit going on. It used to be when I looked to the news for current events there was an unusually traumatic event every once in a while followed by a stream of interest stories and then your occasional good deed done by some type of hero (those are my favorite ones). More recently it seems as the traumatic events or negative interactions might be the focus of what is going on. It causes us to pause and evaluate. Is that the current state of the world? Is getting more sinister or are we surrounded with negativity? Are we just not focusing on the good deeds?

I don’t have the answer to those questions, but I do know this. I was asked once what would be the one thing that you would focus on that could combat negative and traumatic actions in human behavior. I knew my answer immediately. Like it was sitting waiting in my brain for someone to ask me this question it popped out that fast. I don’t even know if there was a pause between the question asked and my answer.

“It is self-love and self-value.”

You have to find love for yourself and value yourself before you can anyone else. The degree to which you love and value yourself is the same degree you will love and value others. For example, if you find yourself devaluing others maybe through criticism that is information about how much you value yourself or a look into how you see yourself. You probably see yourself through critical eyes and tend to be critical or use harsh self talk. If you find it hard to trust others, there is a great possibility you don’t have the self value to trust yourself. On the other hand, if you have a reasonable amount of self love and self value you might find yourself interacting with others in that same way frequently.

So how do we shine the light on these kinds of interactions in our world? We simply become our own news. The current event is your personal story. It is that story where you work to find love and value in yourself. The place wherein you are your own investigative reporter and all that you can find are good deeds, interesting current events, and acts of kindness. That type of value and self love that translates into efficacy and you soon start to see yourself showing up in your life as the hero. Yes there will be the occasional negative story but you will have so much more in your emotional tool kit to combat that negativity.

At Human Art: The Original Personality Test the story is you. You are the hero being interviewed. Work hard to find your worth and value. If you are lucky and it is intact, then work to make it stronger. I think the effects that we can have on this planet could be profound. Look to your central focus* and your correlating can-be* to strengthen your understanding of yourself. In the end those are the stories that we really care about. Never forget, everyone is a masterpiece.

 

*to learn more become a member of the Human Art Classroom and view a video all about the central focus and can-be’s of each design.