Month: July 2018

Let’s NOT Eat Worms: Overcoming Barriers (Part 3)

Posted on by Brook Thornley

This week, we are continuing our discussion of ways to jump start our self-love (Read Part 1, Read Part 2) by talking about step 3: Accountability is all you….. guard your perimeter.

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How about let’s not eat worms. In the song the kids sang, “I’m going to go eat worms,” the original problem was not that these kids really wanted to eat worms, the original problem, or BARRIER, was that the kids believed no one liked them. They really thought they had no or very little value. So the “go eat worms,” part was just the product of how they felt, and what they believed about themselves. In their responsibility to themselves, believing that no one liked them was an example of  not showing up for themselves. It was completely understandable because they were just small children. As adults though, we have to really think about our responsibility to ourselves. We are responsible to heal our own wounds.

In our relationship with our self, our belief system is crucial. Our belief system, or what we believe about ourselves, can either be our accountability or responsibility for our self or a big barrier that we cant seem to get past. Whichever of the two we believe is how we will show up in every aspect of life.

When we are not responsible for our self we show up wanting to be rescued. The hard part of this dynamic is that sometimes it is tempting to just sing the part “I’m  going to go eat worms,” as loud as we possibly can in hopes that someone will hear it and respond in a rescuer role.  That weak part of us would really like someone to stop and notice we just sang the “GO EAT WORMS” part of the song and they gasp and say, “did someone say they were going to go eat worms!? We cant have that! I will be responsible for their pain and take it all away!” That seems like an attractive option sometimes, it would be a lot easier. The problem is, it does nothing for our sense of self, our self esteem, or self love. If someone is constantly trying to rescue you we really have to look at that relationship. In that role, especially if they show up again and again saving us (whether it is intentional or unintentional), they are robbing us of our power and independence and become a controller in our life.

(Photo Credit: pixelery / 123RF Stock Photo)

A much better option is to show up in our responsibility to our self.  Move our own barriers. The best way I know how is through our authenticity, our design. Hold on to the traits we love about our design. If you are Saturated, love that you are a clear thinker and use that precision to march right through your barrier. If you are Whitened, use your social engagement and your strong ability to handle change and love it, to spring right over any barrier. If you are Grayed, no one can stick to a process like you can and find depth in the details; it’s like your consistency can evaporate the barrier. And if you are Blackened, it’s your ability to get things done–because you innately find the why, how, when, what to the barrier–that lets you take an emotional sledge hammer to the barrier so you never have to deal with it again (and no one else will either); you just destroy it with your hard work.

The important part is to know who you are and to be able to describe your authenticity through your design. Then when you know it put it in that space all around you; what we call our personal space. Remodel it with your authentic self and all the traits that come with your design. As you move around going about your day, so will those traits and the feeling that comes with them. Guard that perimeter and keep the bad out and the good in. It’s really up to you. Your new song will be about  how much you love yourself.  We can finally leave the worms out of the story.

Remember everyone is a masterpiece, especially you.

-Brook


If you are interested in overcoming your barriers, at Human Art: The Original Personality Test we can teach you how to create a profile of your personal design. Learn more about the services we offer here.

Big Fat Juicy Ones, Little Itty Bitty Ones, I’ll Just Go Eat Worms (Part Two)

Posted on by Brook Thornley

In our last post, we introduced the topic of “self-love” and I shared 3 ways to jump start it. The steps were:

  1. Whatever you want in your life…you must become
  2. Find your freedom through your customized value system
  3. Accountability is all you….. guard your perimeter

Last week we learned about step 1 (Read Part 1) Today let’s move on to the next one.

In the second verse of the song that the kids in my neighborhood would sing, it states,”Big fat juicy ones, little itty bitty ones…” It is as if even the worms had value or strong identities. They described the uniqueness of each worm and yet could not find any value in themselves. It seems like when we are down, it looks like everyone and everything has worth but us. When our sense of self or self-love is low, we get preoccupied in finding value in everything else around us that seems to punctuate our deprivation or lack of worth.

This leads us to step two, “Find Your Freedom Through Your Customized Value System.” If you find yourself suffering from low self-worth or if you are feeling inadequate, we can pinpoint one dynamic: a FALSE NARRATIVE. A false narrative can be, “you’re not good enough,” “Nobody likes you,” or “You are invisible,” or just a feeling of insecurity. The narrative is like a story line which someone projects onto you and then keeps it going by creating a culture around you which supports it.

For example, someone could deem you weak and then bring attention to it whenever they get a chance until you and others around you start to believe it. The narrative isn’t true. The problem is not with the narrative; the problem is that you believe the narrative. The narrative wraps around you or encircles you and you start to organize your life around it. Narratives are like emotional captivity. We can inherit them from authority figures or people who we just met. The narrative can be short or long.

A customized value system is the key to neutralizing any negative narrative which has been superimposed on your life. There are many different types of value systems. There are civic ones, family ones, religious ones, or business ones. What I want to focus on is your personal value system. Let me describe a little bit of what one might look like. I started building mine one value at a time. When I looked for my value, I had to find one which was attractive to me and I had to desire it. The fact that I desired it, made it a value. The first one that I desired was being nice. Nice was my value. I identified with it since I was a small girl. I love being nice and I always have. I love nice people. I like watching people be nice to each other. I am not perfectly nice all the time but it doesn’t change my value for being nice.

Now, here is the most important part. Customizing the value is critical. Being nice looks different for each of the different harmonies. For the Saturated personality, nice is keeping things calm and peaceful. For the Whitened personality, nice is matching your enthusiasm or emotion. To the Grayed personality, nice is listening and connecting and empathizing. To the Blackened personality, nice is fixing whatever hurt you.

Whatever values we choose to focus on, when we customize our values, our uniqueness emerges and shines.  Just like the second verse of the worm song,  if I was going to be a worm I would like to be the NICE JUICY ONE. What would you like to be?

And remember everyone and everything is a masterpiece.

-Brook

 

“Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me, I’m Going to go Eat Worms”

Posted on by Brook Thornley

“Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I’m going to go eat worms!” It is true, some of the kids in my neighborhood when I was a little girl would sing this little song or chant often. The interesting thing is this little group of kids were the very kids that I loved and admired.

I saw a bit of this same dynamic in junior high. There was a girl that ran in the same circle of friends as me that would seek me out sometimes and tell me she really needed to talk to me. When she had my attention, she would declare with a lot of pain in her demeanor, “No one will talk to me. I don’t have one person that will listen to me. I am invisible.” That struck me so strange because I was sitting there with loads of empathy for her. I believed her. I am telling you, I could feel her pain. I could see it, but at the same time I was confused because I was sitting there listening to her. This leads me to a very important subject.

As a child we have to wait for others, especially adults, to entreat us, to listen to us, to validate us—and often times they don’t. They fall short. To those who have experienced this pain I am sorry this happened. Looking forward, as an adult, we must be aware that it is a totally different thing or dynamic in ord

er to heal. We are now responsible for healing our own wounds.

I’m cringing right now because sometime when I say this it has the possibly of coming across as a minimization of the deep-rooted pain that in some cases is very real. It might even elicit some defenses.

Don’t stop reading. My intent is exactly the opposite. If we can accept this and run in to it, it will do the opposite. It will provide relief.

The most important part of healing your own wounds is to love yourself.  This is all about your sense of self or self love. It falls in the category of your relationship with yourself, not your relationship with others. If you have no idea what your relationship with yourself looks like just examine your self talk. How you talk to yourself is an indicator of how you feel about yourself.

I want you to find a pen and write the following down somewhere, or put it on your screensaver on your phone, or where ever you will see it often.

WE CAN ONLY ACCEPT LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE FROM OTHERS TO THE LEVEL WE LOVE AND ACCEPT OURSELVES.

We are going to walk through 3 steps of jumpstarting your sense of self or your self-love or your self-esteem, however you want to put it.

The 3 Steps Are:

  1. Whatever you want in your life…you must become
  2. Find your freedom through your customized value system
  3. Accountability is all you….. guard your perimeter

I would like to focus on number one today and then we will address the other two in the following weeks.

1. Whatever you want more of in your life, you must become

For example, if you want people to seek you out then you must be the type of person that seeks out others. If you want people to talk to you, you must talk to others. If you want more kindness in your life, your priority must be being kind to others.

Too often we sit in our wound and wait for others to come fix it; yet we can’t see that they are trying but don’t hold the healing ability. You are the only one who does. Yes they can be a support system, but asking them to do it for you is called “outsourcing your healing.” It is literally like trying to hire it out. It never works; it will fail you. It is like wanting to go swimming at a public pool with the desire to enjoy the water, but driving there and sitting in your car, refusing to get out, and waiting for someone to bring the pool to you with all the fun that comes with it—the life guard, the people splashing, the sun…And when that doesn’t happen we are left disappointed in others; that they let us down and, because of their lack of thoughtfulness that they didn’t show up for us, we didn’t get to enjoy the water. I think we have all experienced a version of that in one way or another. The fallacy is that we are not looking at our responsibility to ourselves.  If we want to enjoy the water, we have to go jump in.

This week I challenge you to try being exactly what you want more of in your life. See what shows up. If you do, the healthy people who can enjoy it with you will start showing up to meet you there. That is good information. And for those who don’t or can’t show up that way; it is okay. They are learning also. Don’t judge. Who knows, maybe in your new place of showing up as the person you want to be might inspire an idea of who they want to be. Someday they might surprise you and meet you there. For now, enjoy the water and be patient with one another because everyone is a masterpiece!

-Brook

**If you want more help in discovering what you want more of in your life, become a member of the Human Art Classroom and learn more about your personal design.

Do I Have to be a C.E.O. or Own a Business to Feel Like I Can Prosper?

Posted on by Brook Thornley

We have been focusing a lot on “attract, connect, prosper” the last little while. We talk a lot about the Attract section of organizing anything that has to do with a persons attractiveness or their authentic self. We also weave in the next phase which is Connect. It is a way to organize any content or request that has to do with relationships and connecting with others. Today, I would like to shine a light on Prosper.

Prosper is the phase that comes after the first two and the magic of this phase is when you navigate attract and connect properly then the prosperity and abundance just come naturally. It is the byproduct of knowing who you are and then connecting to others in a healthy way. What I have found in conversations is that it is sometimes misunderstood. Some think that you only apply this phase of Prosper if you are a business owner. In fact it is another question that is asked a lot…”DO I HAVE TO BE A CEO OR OWN A BUSINESS TO  FEEL LIKE I CAN PROSPER?” I will answer that question by asking a question. Is business the only category that you would like to prosper in or feel a sense of abundance?

(Photo Source: mimagephotography / 123RF Stock Photo)

It is true that we talk a lot about it at Human Art as it pertains to business. We are swamped with “Customer Service by Design” classes, team building and even have had a large interest and more than usual amount of requests in the corporate family reunion retreat. We are grateful for that, but that is just a piece of Prosper. Even in those forums we teach that if you are truly prospering in an authentic way than the abundance should manifest across the board. I, for example, am a CEO; but I am also a mom, a friend, and a member of an amazing community that I love. My success and ability to prosper would be a bit of a manufactured version of prosperity if it only showed up at work. If it is truly authentic prosperity the integrity of it, and the principles and values that I pull from my design and use in my interactions, will show up across the board. That’s how I double check. I do an inventory and see if I’m the same person everywhere. I see if what I say and do–who I am–show up in a way so authentic that what I say and what I do seem to always line up no matter what situation I am in.

To be confident that you are prospering in relationships you go to that space where we jump from the connect phase and into the prosper phase. While leaping from connect to prosper take a second to look down at the view. That is, the people you are connecting with. Do those relationships seem to have an ease of abundance and prosperity? If so then you are on your way. If they seem fragile and brittle, as if the smallest of thing can break them, then perhaps its time to go back to step one, the Attract phase, and start again. Keep cycling until you feel the Prosper.

So whether you are a business owner, mother, father, sibling, a outdoors person, a teacher, a friend, civic leader etc. that great feeling that you are prospering in your life should be the same everywhere if it is done in your design, with your authenticity, and in a way that connects with healthy relationships.

Most importantly, always remember everyone is a masterpiece.

-Brook

Put it on a Shelf: See Things from the Other Perspective

Posted on by Brook Thornley

“It’s so hard to talk to someone and really try to understand their perspective without running it through the filter of my own design,” someone said to me. In fact, I have heard this several times this week from clients at Human Art. I hear it often. I think this is one of the greatest challenges when trying to collaborate with someone. Our own thought process works so well for us as individuals it is easy to think that is how others should think too.

I believe that each of us puts forth our best effort when we are trying to understand another perspective, we just too often try to take their point of view while still having one foot planted firmly in our own way of thinking. It tends to feel like quite an emotional tug. It’s as if we are saying, “I really want to see your view but I’m still looking through my lens.”

(Photo Source: photoauris / 123RF Stock Photo)

The best way to collaborate is to completely put your view on the shelf while you are trying to see someone else’s view. When I say put your view on the shelf, I mean completely; with all of your opinions, emotions and the type of thinking that you do with your design. For example, if you are Saturated and you are talking to someone really Grayed. Try and think of it as if you were that Grayed person. As if you were very detail-oriented instead if your usual focus of being precise. It’s role playing at its best.

I remember when I was younger learning how to do personality profiles. I would concentrate on literally putting my design aside as if I was putting it on a shelf for later, and imagining the experience form the other person’s design. It didn’t come easily at first, I had to practice this; but with time it just became automatic.

What if we all practiced this? With our families, with people at work, in our communities. How many times a week do you find yourself saying, “What were they thinking?” Well how about going one step further and answering that. Answering from their point of view or design, not our own.

So I declare it (with absolutely no authority to do so, just one single human) National “Put it on a Shelf Week!!!”  Try it for 7 days. Notice how relationships start to change. Use your discovery and curiosity. Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook