Category: Blackened

Opposites Attract: Celebrating the Differences (The Blackened Design)

Posted on April 23, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

“We just don’t see things the same way.”

“I just don’t get why they do things that way, it makes no sense to me.”

“No matter how much I try to talk sense into them they just can’t see it.”

Again, I have heard all of these, which just reaffirms how important the concept of “opposites attract” is to understand.

Whether it is in romantic or committed relationships, work relationships, or just socially interacting, learning to really appreciate that “opposites attract” is crucial to human interaction and to finding happiness in relating with others. Conflict and attraction go hand in hand, and understanding both and, more importantly, learning to accept that they have to exist together, is key. It is a part of that beautiful tension that keeps us connected.

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We have already talked in past weeks about the Saturated and Whitened designs, let’s talk this week about the way opposites attract with the Blackened Design.

The Blackened design is so logical and practical; that is part of the strength of the design. They love the fix and when there is a problem they just move to solutions. They nurture through tasks and that is often how they connect with others.

Blackened with Saturated People
Blackened relates well to the Saturated design. They both relate to logic, and even though it manifests in different ways, they still appreciate it in each other. Where the opposite attraction lies is in the contrast between the Saturated introverted appropriateness and the Blackened extroverted assertiveness. The Saturated way of coping will feel aloof to the Blackened, who will jump into a “fix it” mentality. They might have a logic war, and in conflict Saturated will tend to withhold and Blackened will tend to get forceful.

Blackened with Whitened People
The Whitened design can be attracted to the stability and structure of the Blackened design. They will love the feeling of that in the beginning. As time goes on however, if they are not careful, they will move into a place where they might see that same dynamic as stifling and controlling and feel that their spontaneity is threatened. The Blackened might feel out of control with the Whitened light-hearted approach to everything and feel the need to change them into a more structured person. This is a dangerous game because it moves them out of being someone to interact with and they will find themselves in a parental-type role instead.

Blackened with Grayed People
The Grayed design is very attracted to the strength and abruptness of the Blackened design’s ability to move on things. It is rejuvenating to be around a Blackened person, especially if the Grayed person is feeling overwhelmed or avoidant. This will last as long as the honeymoon phase of the relationship lasts. If we don’t keep the concept of “opposites attract” in its healthy place, the potential for an extreme change to take place is high. When the Grayed person moves into an analytical place and starts to over think the Blackened’s directness, the Grayed person could see that as too direct or even abrupt, and start to be embarrassed by the attention that it might bring to the couple.

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The best approach is to always try to see what we loved when it comes to our opposite. Remember how it felt when we first experienced it. It is also critical to remember that we always have our own autonomy and it is not defined by others. This is important because it frees us up to be independent and allows us, and others, to accept and celebrate the differences, even in a committed relationship. The best part of relationships is that we are all different, and when someone is our opposite we need to accept, and even go as far as to anticipate, the differences.

Just pause every once in a while to see just how beautiful they are and recite to ourselves what it is that we love about the opposite design. It will put us in a place to love deeper, negotiate in a healthier way, get more needs meet, and definitely gain a deeper understanding. We all need that, and we all crave validation for who we are. Loving the other person in our opposite attraction is the first step into letting them influence us for the better. This is important to navigating any relationships.

And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

Manufactured Self vs. Authentic Self: The Blackened Fix

Posted on March 25, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

We finish off this month’s discussion of the authentic vs. manufactured self by talking about how it might like for the Blackened design. If you haven’t read our previous posts, read an introduction and all about the Saturated design here, Whitened here, and Grayed here.

The Blackened authenticity is direct and honest. Someone who is high in the Blackened personality has a need to fix things. They are honest and real. I often describe them as warm, and you feel as if they would give you the shirt off their own back if it would solve a problem for you. They interact with others in a real way and have an honesty that is as warm as a summer morning in the mountains. They love to take action and they do not like drama—just direct communication. They love to protect, and usually engage with others through tasks.

Let’s say that in interacting with others they get criticized for being too blunt. They might reject that wonderful organic honesty and replace it with a manufactured trait of holding everything in and being shy. They then might get more negative feedback for being too task-oriented and never taking a break. They then might throw that trait out and replace it with a projected trait of being overly silly and carefree. It can go on and on. They throw away their resourcefulness and try hard to come across as carefree; and they have also abandoned their beautiful casual nature to try to be more authoritative. They would do this for protection. They would then get the final blow of being criticized for not being real and knowing who they are. Now instead of that natural Blackened authenticity you are left to experience an unconvincingly shy, forcefully silly, unnaturally carefree, and overtly authoritative and stuffy authenticity that is confusing to those they interact with. It does not make sense to others. It does not in any way validate the Blackened individual.

Finding your authenticity, learning your equation, and experiencing life through it is the only way to find true joy and the peace we all seem to desire. We all have different amounts of all four designs in our personality so we all have an amount of Blackened in us. For some it is a lot, for others it might be a little. It might just be enough to be real or to get things done in just certain areas of our life rather than across the board. There is such a beauty to the rich authenticity of a person that is high in the Blackened design: they live life though adventure, they experience rich relationships, and they love by naturally nurturing and protecting others. They will always tell you how they feel.

Find they amount of Blackened you hold in your authenticity and use this week to expand its capabilities. Be honest with yourself and be real with others. Live in the moment and take life in. You deserve it, and those close to you deserve it. And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

New Year Goals by Design – Part 4 – Blackened

Posted on January 22, 2019May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

We are finally to the week of learning about the Blackened Design and their inner landscape tools! (if you haven’t read about the first three yet, read them here: Introduction and Saturated, Whitened, Grayed)

The Blackened design craves tasks, so the required inner landscape tool is Effort. The central focus of the Blackened design is to fix it. They love to get the job done. This has the potential to step over emotions in order to get things done. This may alienate others because they become too narrowly focused on the task at the expense of bringing others along and integrating others’ perspectives and priorities.

When you meet a Blackened person, you immediately notice their effort and focus for the task. What is often missing is effort directed at considering different opinions on how the task may be accomplished. The Blackened person puts their energy into the obvious thing that needs to be fixed but it is a challenge for them to listen to the factors contributing to the problem or the impact of the problem in terms of emotional fall out.

When the Blackened person sets a goal, they focus on the obvious solution and can become resourceful to a fault. This looks like finding the most simple and pragmatic solution which is efficient and cost effective. It is hard for them to set a New Year’s goal because they tend to wait for something to break before they engage. It is kind of like a cycle of “break and fix, break and fix, break and fix,” etc.

When a Blackened person comes into Human Art, they express that others are too dramatic, too wasteful, too complicated, too stuffy, or too irresponsible. When we get to work and broaden their perspective, they can start to appreciate the bigger picture. Their effort is to look deeper to see what is really broken. As they understand a broader array of variables, they will be able to see and prevent problems before they break.

So the call to action this week is to ask more questions. Listen more deeply. Slow down and collect more information before acting. Fix feelings instead of things. Consider the intentions and values of others. Try taking the other’s perspective. If they are happy, then you fixed it.

And remember Everyone is a Masterpiece.

Brook

READ OUR OTHER GOALS BY DESIGN POSTS!

Part 1 – Introduction and Saturated
Part 2 -Whitened
Part 3 – Grayed
Part 5 – Landscape Your Goals

“I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing in Perfect Harmony”

Posted on December 11, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

“I’d like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony.” I would like for myself to be able to sing in perfect harmony, but unfortunately, I cannot. What I can do is teach the world to SEE in perfect harmony.

Think of the state of the world right now. What are the things that you worry about? What are the issues that you disagree with others on? It seems as if lately we are all worried about some of these things? When those conversations come up (and they will) look even closer to the ones we love and how we interact with them when they do. Focus for a minute on what those conversations look like and how we go about them in our own families.

We see a lot of families over a week’s time at Human Art. They come in to Human Art in all sizes and forms. Each one is different and comes through the door with different challenges. I will say what I always say, “People are good.” Sometimes though, we can struggle in families. That is where I think we could focus.

That line again, “I’d like to teach the world to sing (or see) in perfect harmony.” When we hear it, whether it be from the song or in ads, it still rings the same in your heart. Just stop for a second and think of the intention of this statement: “in perfect harmony.” Harmony is not created by everyone singing the same notes together, but by everyone singing different notes that work beautifully together.

How do we obtain “perfect harmony” in a family?
We do it through acceptance and understanding.
Accepting and understanding for each individual.

You first have to accept their story, how they have gotten here so far in life. The facts, yes, but more importantly, how did they experience them?

Then you start the journey of understanding. You are curious and you use discovery. You don’t figure it out looking through your lens or filter, but you hear the story through the narration of what is happening through their lenses.

Each person will experience the same situation differently according to their design. I’ll say it again. You could experience the exact same thing, side by side, with exactly the same facts and, because of the difference in each design’s thought process, you will experience it completely different.

The Saturated Design
They will take all facts in, not processing as much as they are just absorbing. They just let them sit in that space in their brain until they get enough information to draw a conclusion and then it comes. A declaration. It will be precisely how they feel about the event and that will end up being their story. They will most likely stick to it pretty firmly.

The Whitened Design
They will take in how they, and more importantly how everyone else, is experiencing the facts. When they give their report it is most likely focused on the group and how each individual, “did this,” and, “then they saw that,” and they will throw in a, “and you should have seen so and so respond, it was amazing.” They will practically reenact the excitement (good or bad) so you get the full picture and they will always match the enthusiasm, or whatever emotion was present, of the event. They also will match the emotion of the person listening to the report.

The Grayed Design
You can almost see the swirls of facts in their expression, because they are collecting information as they experience an event. They immediately move to connecting the contingencies and their intuitive nature comes out. It is like their emotional engines are quietly starting up and through that intuitive nature they will experience the highs and lows of an event. That is how they can recall details so well. When asked, “what happened?” they go back and re-experience the emotion and it rekindles the memory.

The Blackened Design
They just move to fix. They can experience details of an event at the same time as their body moves to fix it. They are taking in the what, where, when, and the biggest component that helps them process any event, THE WHY. The why or why not is how they remember the details because it is the system in which they experienced the details. As they recite them they will often say, “that was good they did this,” or “I don’t know why they did that.” It is just the system in which it rolled out for them.

So as you are spending time with family or close ones that feel like family, think of their harmony or personality and accept their way of thinking. You don’t change yours, you just negotiate from those two ways of thinking. It’s like you are seeing one event from many different sides. I promise if we do this when we are interacting with our loved ones, we will start to see one little Christmas miracle after another pop up. Probably nothing huge, but the impact on the harmony in the relationships with be great.

So at this time of events and parties, sing (even if it’s not in perfect harmony), laugh, accept, and understand…The more we do this, the more we will begin to SEE in perfect harmony. Live and love, and remember:

everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

**Song referenced: “I’d like to teach the world to sing (in perfect harmony)”, originally recorded in 1971, with several versions published over the years.

Gift Giving: Do you Deck the Halls or say Bah, Humbug?

Posted on November 27, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

The minute Thanksgiving is over, before you can pause to take a breath, it seems as if we turn our attention to gifts. We make our list, we shop black Friday, and our attention is on what we are going to get those important people in our life for Christmas.

When carefully creating a list or a least a plan for gift giving, are you a “Deck the Halls” kind of person, or do you find yourself in more of a “Bah, Humbug” kind of mood in that moment? I find that whichever attitude best fits you for gift giving can significantly determine your attitude over the entire Christmas holiday season.

Most of these attitudes have to do with how confident we are in the gifts or gestures we are planning for our loved ones. We want them to know how we feel, and our gift or expression of giving is a

direct correlation to how that might be perceived from our loved one’s point of view. Sometimes we give the gift a lot of thought but it doesn’t seem to translate in that spirit all of the time.

Let us help you out. First, knowing the person’s personality or design is important when it comes to expressing our love to our loved ones. What is important to them and how we give it shows that we really pay attention and know what they like. At Human Art we call this our “Love Designs.” Here are some tips for each personality or harmony to make things a little easier for you this Christmas.

♥ For your Saturated loved ones:
Their love design is Wine and Dine. They love and appreciate when you set time or resources aside to really do something special. Listen to what that one most important thing for the season is. They will usually state in declarations, such as:
“If I could have one thing this year…”
“All I want for Christmas is…”
“I really don’t want anything except…”
When they say this, they mean it. They really don’t want a lot of little gestures.They would rather you save your resources to get what they deem important. It’s not the quantity, it’s the quality for them. And make it special. Punctuate the importance of whatever you are giving.

♥ For your Whitened loved ones:
Their love design is surprise, and social. Anticipate their needs. They love a lot of fun things and activities but it increases the magic when they can share it with those they love. The more the merrier. Listen and see what they do for others and turn it around and do it back for them. They love surprises with others there to experience it with them. If you could turn Christmas into a surprise party they would love it.

♥ For your Grayed loved ones:
their love design is romance through the details. They love the tradition of things. Connecting with others during the holidays is so important to them. Honor their traditions and romance all of the experiences through the details. Talk about it before hand, involve them in the details as you go, then connect with them after to see how they felt about it. It will go a long way and will create a Christmas to remember.

♥ For your Blackened loved ones:
Their love design is “get ‘er done.” They would love for you to get them something that can lighten their load. It is all about the tasks. Think of what has been on their list of things to fix for a while and then get them something to make that happen; make it easier with a tool, spend some time helping them do it, or give them the resources they need to do it. It will make for a merry one for all involved.

So as you are going down your list, also write a note to the side of each name that reminds you of their design and think more of their love design rather than just buying them something just to have gotten them something. It will lead to a “Deck the Halls” kind of Christmas and you will experience more excitement than they do as you really communicate with their design.

Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

For a downloadable love designs reference guide, become a member of the Human Art Classroom

→ Related Post: Valentine Validation: The Love Designs