Tag: relationships

“I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing in Perfect Harmony”

Posted on December 11, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

“I’d like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony.” I would like for myself to be able to sing in perfect harmony, but unfortunately, I cannot. What I can do is teach the world to SEE in perfect harmony.

Think of the state of the world right now. What are the things that you worry about? What are the issues that you disagree with others on? It seems as if lately we are all worried about some of these things? When those conversations come up (and they will) look even closer to the ones we love and how we interact with them when they do. Focus for a minute on what those conversations look like and how we go about them in our own families.

We see a lot of families over a week’s time at Human Art. They come in to Human Art in all sizes and forms. Each one is different and comes through the door with different challenges. I will say what I always say, “People are good.” Sometimes though, we can struggle in families. That is where I think we could focus.

That line again, “I’d like to teach the world to sing (or see) in perfect harmony.” When we hear it, whether it be from the song or in ads, it still rings the same in your heart. Just stop for a second and think of the intention of this statement: “in perfect harmony.” Harmony is not created by everyone singing the same notes together, but by everyone singing different notes that work beautifully together.

How do we obtain “perfect harmony” in a family?
We do it through acceptance and understanding.
Accepting and understanding for each individual.

You first have to accept their story, how they have gotten here so far in life. The facts, yes, but more importantly, how did they experience them?

Then you start the journey of understanding. You are curious and you use discovery. You don’t figure it out looking through your lens or filter, but you hear the story through the narration of what is happening through their lenses.

Each person will experience the same situation differently according to their design. I’ll say it again. You could experience the exact same thing, side by side, with exactly the same facts and, because of the difference in each design’s thought process, you will experience it completely different.

The Saturated Design
They will take all facts in, not processing as much as they are just absorbing. They just let them sit in that space in their brain until they get enough information to draw a conclusion and then it comes. A declaration. It will be precisely how they feel about the event and that will end up being their story. They will most likely stick to it pretty firmly.

The Whitened Design
They will take in how they, and more importantly how everyone else, is experiencing the facts. When they give their report it is most likely focused on the group and how each individual, “did this,” and, “then they saw that,” and they will throw in a, “and you should have seen so and so respond, it was amazing.” They will practically reenact the excitement (good or bad) so you get the full picture and they will always match the enthusiasm, or whatever emotion was present, of the event. They also will match the emotion of the person listening to the report.

The Grayed Design
You can almost see the swirls of facts in their expression, because they are collecting information as they experience an event. They immediately move to connecting the contingencies and their intuitive nature comes out. It is like their emotional engines are quietly starting up and through that intuitive nature they will experience the highs and lows of an event. That is how they can recall details so well. When asked, “what happened?” they go back and re-experience the emotion and it rekindles the memory.

The Blackened Design
They just move to fix. They can experience details of an event at the same time as their body moves to fix it. They are taking in the what, where, when, and the biggest component that helps them process any event, THE WHY. The why or why not is how they remember the details because it is the system in which they experienced the details. As they recite them they will often say, “that was good they did this,” or “I don’t know why they did that.” It is just the system in which it rolled out for them.

So as you are spending time with family or close ones that feel like family, think of their harmony or personality and accept their way of thinking. You don’t change yours, you just negotiate from those two ways of thinking. It’s like you are seeing one event from many different sides. I promise if we do this when we are interacting with our loved ones, we will start to see one little Christmas miracle after another pop up. Probably nothing huge, but the impact on the harmony in the relationships with be great.

So at this time of events and parties, sing (even if it’s not in perfect harmony), laugh, accept, and understand…The more we do this, the more we will begin to SEE in perfect harmony. Live and love, and remember:

everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

**Song referenced: “I’d like to teach the world to sing (in perfect harmony)”, originally recorded in 1971, with several versions published over the years.

Gift Giving: Do you Deck the Halls or say Bah, Humbug?

Posted on November 27, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

The minute Thanksgiving is over, before you can pause to take a breath, it seems as if we turn our attention to gifts. We make our list, we shop black Friday, and our attention is on what we are going to get those important people in our life for Christmas.

When carefully creating a list or a least a plan for gift giving, are you a “Deck the Halls” kind of person, or do you find yourself in more of a “Bah, Humbug” kind of mood in that moment? I find that whichever attitude best fits you for gift giving can significantly determine your attitude over the entire Christmas holiday season.

Most of these attitudes have to do with how confident we are in the gifts or gestures we are planning for our loved ones. We want them to know how we feel, and our gift or expression of giving is a

direct correlation to how that might be perceived from our loved one’s point of view. Sometimes we give the gift a lot of thought but it doesn’t seem to translate in that spirit all of the time.

Let us help you out. First, knowing the person’s personality or design is important when it comes to expressing our love to our loved ones. What is important to them and how we give it shows that we really pay attention and know what they like. At Human Art we call this our “Love Designs.” Here are some tips for each personality or harmony to make things a little easier for you this Christmas.

♥ For your Saturated loved ones:
Their love design is Wine and Dine. They love and appreciate when you set time or resources aside to really do something special. Listen to what that one most important thing for the season is. They will usually state in declarations, such as:
“If I could have one thing this year…”
“All I want for Christmas is…”
“I really don’t want anything except…”
When they say this, they mean it. They really don’t want a lot of little gestures.They would rather you save your resources to get what they deem important. It’s not the quantity, it’s the quality for them. And make it special. Punctuate the importance of whatever you are giving.

♥ For your Whitened loved ones:
Their love design is surprise, and social. Anticipate their needs. They love a lot of fun things and activities but it increases the magic when they can share it with those they love. The more the merrier. Listen and see what they do for others and turn it around and do it back for them. They love surprises with others there to experience it with them. If you could turn Christmas into a surprise party they would love it.

♥ For your Grayed loved ones:
their love design is romance through the details. They love the tradition of things. Connecting with others during the holidays is so important to them. Honor their traditions and romance all of the experiences through the details. Talk about it before hand, involve them in the details as you go, then connect with them after to see how they felt about it. It will go a long way and will create a Christmas to remember.

♥ For your Blackened loved ones:
Their love design is “get ‘er done.” They would love for you to get them something that can lighten their load. It is all about the tasks. Think of what has been on their list of things to fix for a while and then get them something to make that happen; make it easier with a tool, spend some time helping them do it, or give them the resources they need to do it. It will make for a merry one for all involved.

So as you are going down your list, also write a note to the side of each name that reminds you of their design and think more of their love design rather than just buying them something just to have gotten them something. It will lead to a “Deck the Halls” kind of Christmas and you will experience more excitement than they do as you really communicate with their design.

Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

For a downloadable love designs reference guide, become a member of the Human Art Classroom

→ Related Post: Valentine Validation: The Love Designs

Projected Perfection–How Fast Did You Get There?

Posted on November 13, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

One of my little family’s favorite vacations in the past was going with a group of extended family members to our cabin near beautiful Jackson Hole, Wyoming. It is approximately 5 hours by car. This distance is very important because it is a 5-hour journey through some of the most beautiful country you have ever seen. The brilliance in this journey is that there are 4 different routes that you can pick from, each one with a different menu of landmarks, historical sights and, for us, even family history. There are also eating places to stop and experience in a way that you can’t experience anywhere else. The question is which one to take each time. It sounds a bit like Heaven and has the potential to feel that way, but it is not; and let me tell you why.

With this particular group of family, the speed in which you arrive is equal to how perfect you are in the family relationship. Let me state this again: your arrival time added to the route that you took, yes how fast you got there, is how you find value in this family dynamic.

As each group of cars arrives at the beautiful cabin, the driver’s first item of business is to announce the route he took and how quickly he has gotten there. Some have even boosted their credibility in this family system by adding stories of getting pulled over because they were driving so fast. The more people you have in your car to cater to or the more adversity you experienced on the drive, like a flat tire or terrible slow drivers, just seems to add to your credibility. There is usually little mention to the beautiful scenery.

As silly as this might be, it is a dynamic that is played out daily in our families and close relationships. It is perfectionism at its best.

I feel as if we as humans also get in our vehicles of navigating relationships and decide which route we are going to take and go full throttle forward in a quest to arrive at this projection of perfection; to say, “I AM PERFECT AND NO ONE CAN BEAT MY TIME.”

The danger in this is that though we have the right to make this decision for our self—the right to navigate relationships this way, running for a projection of perfection in the way we think will make us look or appear to be a perfect human (it’s not healthy but we still can choose that way)—we often enlist our passengers (those around us that we love) to come along for the ride and ask them to project the same narrative of perfection.

We see it all the time. The parent that has an idea of what their projection of perfection might look like and the speed or rate in which it is supposed to be obtained. When the child or loved one does anything to mess that plan up, everyone pays. How about the significant other? Once the partner deems them “theirs” they start the process of going through their journey, or route, through life in the mindset that that spouse is now somehow a direct reflection on them and their perceived projection (do not expose or slow them down!). We are all guilty of this to some degree. That is just how we are as humans.

Stop…I promise it does not work.

I’m calling it for everyone, including myself, once and for all. Stop this narrative of performing to belong. Don’t get me wrong, performing is good. Significance is good. It is critical to evolving and becoming better. It’s how we propel forward and it is where progression lives. Achieving is great! It is about how we are going about it and about getting our significance through the correct source.

That source should be our authenticity, our learning, and our process. It is all about getting significance through our uniqueness, and our talents, and character. The best part of that is that we don’t have to be perfect—we can be human. We can make mistakes and not all is lost. We can slow down and look at the scenery and decide what we like and don’t like. We can take back roads and detours and learn from them. And the place we arrive at is perfect in who we are; filled with what we have learned, what we like, love, or dislike. It is our autonomy and we write it. We don’t project it. It is not a narrative, it is a story that unfolds daily, and we can’t wait to see what happens next. We are partnered with those we love and curiosity to see what the next chapter is, and we all have the right to choose a route and see what we get from it; with the right to back up and choose another route with the support of others to see what we get from that one.

It is critical to drive forward in our authenticity, our design.

If you are Saturated, find your one most important thing that you want to see from the route you take. Pick your version of quality and communicate it to those around you, then move forward with the ability to change the route if you are not achieving the quality you need. Don’t get stuck in being unmovable.

If you are Whitened, make it social and thrive in change. Make it about the people you are with. Anticipate needs, enroll others, and make it safe. Avoid the urge to get random if you are not getting enough spontaneity. Communicate your intent and keep the environment safe and neutral. That is what you are good at.

if you are really pondering this article then I would suspect you are Grayed. Start the process of connecting and romancing the details of this trip through life. You have a beautiful flexibility that can process ahead as to all the can be’s might be’s, etc. You are brilliant at possibilities. Yes, you can create more routes. Four routes will never be enough for you. Drive ahead but resist the urge to avoid if it doesn’t look good. Stay engaged, ask questions. When you feel like avoiding, stay in for a few more minutes. It will serve you and all of the others involved.

If you are already lining things up to fix this you are Blackened. The “get ‘er done” people. You are the ones that are prone to stop and help someone with a flat tire or a broken down vehicle, so stop. Serve, love, and listen. There is so much more to fix if you will listen. You can still be moving forward and working while you listen. Just stay open as you move, don’t get forceful. Casualness is your hallmark; you can enroll and influence anyone if it is neutral and casual.

So let’s once and for all on this great earth stop this destructive dynamic of performing to belong. We are better than that. We are to intelligent. Let’s perform to be human.

And remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook

The Power of Curiosity

Posted on October 29, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

The answer is curiosity!

The question is, “what is one thing that could significantly strengthen my ability to learn new skills and grow in my authentic self?”

This is a question that was asked recently at Human Art. When we are teaching new skills to anyone that are designed to help one better themselves in relationships with self, with others around them, and in leadership or team building, one common thing that is required is curiosity.

When we are small and first learning to navigate this big world, curiosity is required. Some children get punished for it and we see the beginnings of a “shut down, stuff it,” type of relating to others. Where it can get really serious is if we are curious in our authenticity or our personality and we get negative feedback of any kind. It leaves us with no discovery and no idea where to go with those confusing emotions.

So I propose we say “YES” to implementing curiosity in our lives! Let me give you an example.

In this line of work I see that, in general, humans have a STRONG desire to learn about their own personality or design. They want to know what their authenticity looks like, how to use it, and how to define it. That’s the kind of curiosity I’m talking about. What I’ve been observing while looking at curiosity is that humans are not always as willing to be as curious about other people’s designs; the people they love, the people they work with, their friends, etc.

Let’s start by looking at the different types of curiosity in the designs:

The Saturated design is curious in the way of collecting the components of any conversation or dynamic. They need all of the pieces before they can draw a conclusion. They need to know what is the best solution or the “one most important fact” to be able to make a declaration and then start sequencing it.

The Whitened person is curious to learn people’s preferences. They are attuned to others’ preferences at a deeper level. They notice likes and dislikes and do it in a non-threatening way. They thrive off of sincerity.

The Grayed person is curious in the connection. The connection with others, the connections of possibilities, the connections that can help, and the connections that might hurt. It is a meticulous openness full of details.

The Blackened person is curious about the what, why and how. It is like the air they breath. It is how they discover new ideas, best way to do a task, and how they get to know together people.

When we expand our curiosity with self and with others, in a way where we are constantly discovering and learning new things about each other, our curiosity transforms into empathy and compassion. Then you are on your way to seeing that everyone is full of worth and value just the way they are, in their authenticity. When we celebrate that fact, we move to learning and growing in our authenticity in a way that did not seem possible.

Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

-Brook

Listen Like You Are Watching a YouTube Video

Posted on August 21, 2018May 30, 2023 by Brook Thornley

A small girl and her mom were in the ice cream shop sitting at a small table eating an ice cream. The girl was busily eating the ice cream and the mother was engrossed in her phone, concentrating for what seemed like a long amount of time. The girl ate away. This went on for a while. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the mom looked up at the girl and said, “come over here.” They both posed close to each other with looks of exuberance and excitement. The woman snapped a quick pic and then in a nanosecond it was back to the same stations. The girl returned to her chair and, bored, ate her ice cream. The woman took a few minutes to post the picture on her phone and followed with a very satisfied, “there.” The only thing that was spoken the entire time.

*Source:* *ocusfocus / 123RF Stock Photo*

This was an encounter a friend told me about the other day. As I have pondered this interaction, many thoughts flooded my mind. First, is “wow what is going on?” Second, I wondered how many times I have done that myself (I know I have). And third, if that were me what was so important that I would put that as a priority over stealing a moment with someone that I loved? For most of us it would probably be a video.

Don’t get the wrong impression, social medial and the ability to communicate with each other on our phones and electronic devices is, to me, a modern day miracle; I would not be able to navigate my business and go about my domestic responsibilities without it. I just think that sometimes we forget to manage and take advantage of the human miracles that we also have right in front of us in our close relationships. So here is my advice to you to make sure we are taking care of our human relationships.

Listen like you are watching a YouTube video. Observe and listen. Those are two skills that are required in order to understand something or someone. When we are watching a video that is exactly what we do. We observe what is going on, how it is happening—we are curious. We listen intently and if we think we missed something we back it up and listen to that part again. If we could only do that as we interact in those important relationships that we have. Observe their nonverbal cues and what they are doing and then listen intently, being fully present just like we are watching a YouTube video. If we don’t get a part or miss something, back it up and play it again until we understand it.

Once you’ve done that, respond through the filter of the person’s design.

If your loved one is Saturated, observe and listen for their one most important thing or fact and then respond with clarity.

If your loved one is Whitened, observe and listen for those cues of excitement and spontaneity and match their emotions.

If your loved one is Grayed, observe and listen for the details and stay a little longer in them, there is good information there.

If your loved one is Blackened, observe and listen to the problem and then fix it or respond in with possible solutions.

Try to filter out our own emotions and attitudes while we are listening, save that for our turn to respond. For that moment be completely present to see what that person is experiencing. Like being a detective. Think of that little girl in the ice cream shop and let it inspire us to treat those around us with curiosity for who they are and how they experience things. It will elicit appreciation, and you will find a lot of those close to you will return the interest right back.

Remember, everyone is a masterpiece.

Brook